These days, one thing is sure, sarcasm makes the world go round and it’s a virtue that’s valued the most. So, if you find yourself dating a quick-witted gal keep in mind these 19 simple rules.
1. First of all, whenever I text you, I suggest that you always take it with the grain of skepticism. Chances are, I’m always sarcastic.
2. We have this necessity to be sarcastic at any given time. And sarcasm over text is the perfect way to get people lost in translation. However, we know that sometimes it’s too much to handle for you non-sarcastic mortals. SORRY, but NOT SORRY.
3. Let’s face the truth here, our sarcasm is way funnier than every day’s humdrum humor. The thing is, not all of you get our jokes. No offense though, we’re not laughing at you.
4. We show our feelings in very unique and exclusive ways, so this means you’ll always be surprised. By now you’ve noticed that we’re kind of different from other girls. So, don’t get us wrong. Whenever we ignore you and make faces at you, that’s actually a crazy, stupid, love moment.
5. And when we really like you, the sarcasm is on FIRE. As I already said, we can’t help it, it’s that damn defensive mechanism. It’s just the way we are. But seriously, feel free to bite back. There nothing better than a stimulating conversation with a dash of sarcasm to take the edge off.
6. Bear in mind that if we ever manage to calm our wits around you, we’re making huge sacrifices here. You should be thankful because man… you have no idea how hard is it.
7. Okay, I admit it… we may not be the perfect psychologists when it comes down to letting it all out. We won’t always give you the most rational advice, but you can be sure that will always listen to your problems and provide the best sarcastic feedback. At least we’ll do our best and make you laugh!
8. We’re perfectly normal human beings and aside from the fact that our conversations are solely based on sarcasm, we tend to have honest opinions. So, when we give you a genuine compliment, we really MEAN it! It just doesn’t happen that often… ok?
9. You know we won’t waste a given chance to use our sarcastic wit. After all, it’s our power shield.
10. Don’t worry there are times when you can relax and take a break from us. Maybe when we’re sleeping. But even then, we can’t promise everything. God knows what we’re dreaming about.
11. Since you’re somewhere in between reading these cardinal rules, I’m sure by now you realized whether you’re attracted to a smart-mouthed woman or not. Because the thing is, we’re curiously intrigued by people who understand our sarcastic point of view and fire their own ways back at us. If there’s a bigger turn on than that, let me know.
12. Also, there will be times when we encourage ourselves and say something incredibly heartfelt but the downside here will be that you won’t notice it and mistake it for a sarcasm. And so… we’ll feel pretty silly. I know, we are extremely complicated.
13. Bear in mind that we’re the best influence when it comes down to improving your cognitive functioning. Studies have shown that using sarcasm is good for solving problems more creatively. Think of it as mental gymnastics.
14. Sometimes, not always, our sarcasm pops at probably the least convenient of times… and I’m sorry but you’re just going to have to deal with that.
15. You know, it starts off as a joke, but when we say that we’re kidding, that’s probably not true. Not every person gets that and believe me, not every person needs to understand. It’s easier that way.
16. Some people would say we don’t have feelings. Like we care. We’re not all made of sugar and spice. Some of us are made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine. Cheers!
17. You could say we have a hard time expressing ourselves. I mean, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to express your feelings directly and forward, go for it, we won’t judge. But for us sarcastic, nightmarish creatures, the only way is through the battle of wits. And we enjoy it!
18. Even though our true affection and feelings are buried somewhere deep down, please have in mind that we’re sensitive and loving just like every other person. We might sound to you like a bunch of bullies, but in reality, we honestly don’t have a clue how to give you the signal we care about you. Don’t you dare tell on us.
19. At the end of the day, our sarcastic behavior means you’re probably going to have a lot of fun being in a relationship with a smart-mouthed girl. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Inspired by Thought Catalog
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