Trying to start (or grow) your family but running into walls?
You’re not alone. Millions of couples face fertility issues every year, and yet our conversations about them remain rooted in antiquity. Many people still consider reproductive health a “woman’s problem,” when in fact it’s everyone’s responsibility. The earlier you both own it as your job together, the better.
Here’s why this matters:
Let’s dig in…
Fertility issues are way more common than people realise.
CNN reported on a new WHO study that says 1 in 6 people globally experience infertility at some point in their lives. That’s not a minority. That’s your neighbors. That’s my co-workers. That’s friends and family. But because so few talk openly about their experiences, those facing fertility struggles often feel completely alone. Fertility issues can be isolating enough without feeling like you’re the only person in the world going through it.
The good news? There are more options for family building than ever before — including IVF, donor conception, adoption, fostering and surrogacy. Some families will try one route and others will combine a few. Infertility patients may pair IVF with a gestational carrier, for example. Others may choose to become a surrogate in California to help individuals and families build their families. There are many paths that can lead to parenthood, and they do not all have to be “traditional” to be worthwhile.
That’s a powerful shift. Just 20 years ago, the conversation looked very different.
For years infertility was approached as a problem only women had to solve. Women shouldered the burden of testing, treatment, side effects and secrecy. Men were left out of the conversation.
But here’s the kicker…
Men are very much half of the equation. CDC estimates that approximately 13.4% of women between the ages of 15–49 have impaired fecundity in the United States — but the male factor is equally significant and is often left undiagnosed for way too long.
The takeaway is simple:
If only one partner is tested, treated and supported, you are only getting half the picture. Couples who approach fertility as a team usually find answers quicker — and feel less isolated along the way.
Let’s be honest — fertility struggles are tough.
Doctor appointments, waiting, negative tests, uncomfortable family inquiries about grandkids… it all builds up. And it builds up on you both, even if you express it differently.
One partner may want to discuss it all the time. The other may shut down completely. Neither reaction is right or wrong — but when a couple isn’t talking, little fissures can turn into big ones.
Here’s something a lot of people forget:
Going through fertility treatment is not a one-person job.
Sharing the mundane responsibilities — scheduling appointments, administering injections, breaking bad news together — only helps when both partners are present. A therapist or fertility support group can help shoulder the burden as well. Simply talking about what you’re feeling, even when it’s uncomfortable, can relieve tremendous pressure for both partners.
You have more paths to parenthood today than ever before.
Some of the most common family building options include:
None of these options are “second best” options. They are legitimate, wonderful ways to create a family.
The right path will depend on your medical circumstances, your budget, your timeline and your personal values. And the right option for one couple may be completely different to the right option for the couple next door. That’s the beauty of it. A fertility specialist can guide you in weighing up your options.
Real support is more than nodding along at the doctor’s office.
If you want this to be a true shared journey, try this:
Little gestures mean a lot. A text before a hard doctor’s appointment. Taking care of dinner so your partner can sleep. Small acts of love create the foundation a family needs, whether your baby arrives by pregnancy, surrogacy or adoption.
If you have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year (or six months if you’re over 35) you should see a fertility specialist.
A specialist can:
The sooner you start the discussion the more choices you will have available. Don’t wait because you are afraid of what they might tell you. Knowledge is power.
Reproductive health is not a one-person responsibility — it never was.
When couples approach fertility as a team… decisions become simpler. Stress doesn’t feel so heavy. And the journey to parenthood – however that journey looks for you – feels like something you’re building together, not going through alone.
To quickly recap:
Whether your family grows via IVF, adoption, surrogacy or the old fashioned way. The most important thing is that you take the journey together.
