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A Zen Master Reveals The 10 Distinct Signs Of A Toxic Person And The Most Successful Way To Handle Them


We all know that person who makes everyone feel bad about themselves. Just like toxins infect the human body, these unpleasant, selfish, and draining people can poison your mind and negatively affect your emotional health.

Toxic people are very difficult people to deal with. They manipulate and use other people for their own advantage without having any consideration or mercy for their feelings. If you don’t deal with them appropriately or worse, let them have influence over you, they can cause unnecessary stress and drama in your life. That’s why it’s important for you to be able to recognize this kind of people.

Following are 10 signs and a sound piece of advice by a Zen master that will help you to spot a toxic person and successfully deal with them.

Here they are:

1. They have a controlling behavior.

They use all sorts of manipulation tactics to achieve their goals. If they notice that you’re an easy target for them, they start playing little mind games with you so as to make you behave in a way that suits them and helps them to get what they want from you.

2. They lie excessively.

Telling lies comes naturally to them. They use lies for various purposes: to hide or deny their wrongdoings, to shift responsibility onto someone else, or to take advantage of you. They tell so many lies that it’s sometimes very difficult to tell which of the things they’re talking about are true and which are nothing else but blatant lies.

3. Drama always follows them.

These people are highly negative and pessimistic. They act as if something is always going wrong in their lives. You know, their house got burgled, their partner cheated on them, or their co-worker spied on them. All the bad things in the world happen only to them. Moreover, if you try to help them or give them advice, they simply reject your help by telling you that it won’t work anyway.

4. They talk more than they listen.

Toxic people have narcissistic traits and focus only on themselves. They believe they are the smartest, best, and most important people in the room. That’s why they never bother to listen to other people’s opinions and ideas. Whatever you think or say is either irrelevant or unreasonable.

5. No matter what they say, they’re always right.

They can talk nonsense and still, they’re never wrong. They act as if they are the know-it-alls. In addition, they don’t want to learn from anyone else, broaden their knowledge, or gain new perspectives on the world. And if you try to tell or prove to them that they’re wrong, get ready to face their harsh criticism and even anger.

6. They lack tact and common courtesy.

Sure, they know that their harsh comments and insults hurt your feelings the other day but they aren’t ashamed to tell you that they did that for your own good. That they didn’t intend to hurt you, they were just being honest.

7. They like to gossip.

They enjoy talking bad stuff about you behind your back. By tarnishing your reputation, they boost their own ego and make themselves appear better than you.

8. Their own experience is the standard by which everything else should be judged.

If they hate karate, then you should hate it too. Or if they tried bungee jumping and didn’t enjoy it, you wouldn’t enjoy it either. Or if they went to some restaurant and didn’t like the food, by default, you wouldn’t like it either. Their experiences are the only ones that count.

9. They have no respect for your time.

You can have a busy day and a lot of responsibilities to fulfill, but they show no consideration whatsoever for your time. You must always make time for them and their needs. In their view, their time is always more valuable than yours.

10. Their relationships are just for show.

They don’t build relationships, romantic or otherwise, as a way to connect with people but to show off. It’s more important for them to be seen with someone than to connect with them on a deeper level. That’s why they can’t create strong and meaningful relationships.

How you can handle toxic people

A Zen master offered a useful piece of advice on how to effectively deal with a toxic person. Here is what he said: “The deeper your present moment peace gets, the easier it’ll be to react non- passionately when confronted with hostility. As this gets better, you can begin to realize more deeply just how much someone has to be suffering internally in order to have such harsh reactions. With enough insight, you can develop your empathy and compassion based off this knowledge and these also help you remain even more peaceful in the present moment.

Eventually, with enough compassion and insight on your side, you can begin to extinguish the fires of hostility by extinguishing anger with patience and understanding… It’s hard to continue treating someone harshly when they continue treating you well. In helping them relieve these feelings, you not only help them but you also help yourself, since you no longer have to deal with them as they were.

So, if you can’t avoid them completely, make sure you control your feelings and reactions when interacting with them. Don’t let the situation become worse by angrily reacting to their hostility, but try to stay calm and patient. It’s very likely that your kindness and calmness will make them change the way they behave towards you.

Image: Mandeep boparai