Narcissists… are everywhere. These charming chameleons can sweep you off your feet and then destroy you as if you are garbage. Every single day thousands of hearts get broken by narcissists and their mean ways.

This article covers everything you need to know about them so that you can protect yourself.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental condition in which the person with NPD has an inflated or grandiose sense of self-importance, fantasies of unlimited power and success, needing excessive validation and admiration, feeling unique and special, having a sense of entitlement, showing exploitative behavior in relationships, lack of compassion and empathy, envy, and being perceived as arrogant.

Of course, not all of the aforementioned characteristics are necessary for diagnosing a person with NPD. However, versions of these symptoms can be seen in people with NPD throughout their childhood and adolescence.(1)

What Causes Narcissism?

When we think about narcissists and narcissism, it is vital to know that the characteristics that label someone as a narcissist are also a part of normal human development. In other words, we can definitely expect some narcissistic traits in a person during their childhood and adolescence.

One of the problems with the diagnosis of NPD is that we don’t have an exact and clear definition of what exactly NPD is. However, there are three theories that are popular among psychiatrists about the causality of narcissism.

The first one is that narcissism is inherited. Of course, it is not unusual that a percent of our mental and general health disorders are genetic. There is a division between heritability (inherited traits) versus environmental ility, or in other words, the amount of variance that can be explained by the nature of genetics versus the amount of variance that can be explained by triggers from the environment that surround us. With NPD, the heritability is somewhere between 40 and 65 percent which is a great amount of contribution from genetics to the development of NPD.(2)

The second theory is that when it comes to NPD, some structural changes or differences can be found in the brain. There have been numerous studies done where scientists scanned the brain of people diagnosed with NPD and people who didn’t have NPD, and then they looked into the differences between the two categories of people. They have discovered that all the differences that they found are related to the areas of the brain that are responsible for emotional regulation and social behavior.

The third theory of the potential cause of narcissism is the environment. In other words, a lot of focus when it comes to individuals with NPD is on their experiences during childhood. Some of the factors that seem to have a link with NPD are, for example, a situation where a child receives excessive praise and excessive criticism as well. Moreover, a lack of parental empathy, emphasis on success and achieving high status, focusing on appearances instead of feelings, emotional abuse, and neglect, are all significant contributors to developing narcissistic traits.

What Are The 4 Types Of Narcissism?

When we think about narcissists, we think about certain people and their traits. However, there are 4 types of narcissists out there, and they all have different characteristics.

1. The Vulnerable Narcissist (or the Covert Narcissist)

This type of narcissist is the exact opposite of the general type of narcissist. While the stereotypical narcissist craves attention and admiration, the vulnerable narcissist is typically shy, hypersensitive to how other people see them and what they think of them. However, this type of narcissist is also extremely envious, just like the general narcissist. They tend to think their pain is bigger than anyone else’s and that they want other people to feel sorry for them.

2. The Somatic Narcissist

This type of narcissist bases their self-worth on their looks and body. They get overly obsessed with their physical appearance to the point of undertaking great measures to keep their body from aging. They are scared of gaining weight and getting old because their whole ego and pride revolve around their physical appearance.

3. The Cerebral Narcissist

This type of narcissist derives their self-worth and importance from their brain. They believe they are more intelligent and smarter than anyone else and they tend to look down on other people, considering them stupid and unimportant.

4. The Spiritual Narcissist

This narcissist uses their spirituality or religion to manipulate people and intimidate them. The spiritual narcissist justifies their toxic behavior by taking a “holier than thou” stance and putting an emphasis on their relationship with God or their spirituality.

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Narcissistic?

If you are wondering whether you are dealing with a narcissist, these are the signs that show a person is a full-blown narcissist.

• They are extremely charming. When you meet someone, and they sweep you off your feet – be careful. Love bombing is the first phase of dealing with a narcissist. The narcissist will seduce you, compliment you, put you on a pedestal, and tell you all you want to hear just to get their way with you. And when they get what they want out of you, they will leave you out in the cold. So, whenever someone comes too strong in the beginning, be careful because it is not a good sign because true and genuine emotions don’t get developed instantly because you don’t know each other that well.
• They always interrupt the conversation to tell you how great they are. Narcissists love to brag about their achievements and accomplishments. They want to feel better than anyone else, and so they tell other people how awesome and successful they are. However, they oftentimes exaggerate their achievements to feel superior and be adored by others. Moreover, they will also interrupt you while you are talking about yourself because they are not interested in you, they only care about themselves.
• They need compliments in order to survive. Even though narcissists seem like they are the most confident people in the world, the truth is, they lack self-esteem. Therefore, they need to be complimented constantly in order to feel good about themselves. They always need people around them to tell them how amazing they are and make them feel powerful. Another thing is that narcissists tend to punish anyone for their lack of self-esteem by putting them down in order for them to feel superior and important.
• They lack empathy and compassion. Narcissists are oblivious to the feelings of other people. That’s the number one sign of narcissism. A narcissist can never make you feel important, seen, accepted, or understood because they never care about you in the first place. They don’t care whether you are in a bad mood, or whether something bad happened to you. They can never console you. That’s why almost all their relationships fail inevitably.
• They don’t have many (or any) long-term friends. If you look at the narcissist’s social circle you can notice that they don’t have any real friends. They only have colleagues and acquaintances because they are not able to be vulnerable and form deep long-lasting bonds with other people.
• They constantly pick on you. Perhaps at first you thought they were teasing you. However, their insults have become constant with time. Narcissists will always criticize you, what you eat, what you wear, where you go, who are you friends with… everything you do is wrong because they want to be superior to you at all times. So, they will call you names, put you down, and diminish your self-esteem in order to destroy you and one-up you. It gives them pleasure knowing they can destroy someone like that.
• They gaslight you. Gaslighting is the ultimate form of emotional and mental abuse where the narcissist completely distorts your reality and makes you feel as if you are the crazy one. Signs that someone is gaslighting you are: you don’t feel like yourself anymore, you are anxious, you are constantly wondering if you are overly-sensitive, you feel as if everything you do is wrong, you question your sanity, you constantly apologize, you always think that it’s your fault when things go wrong, and you make excuse for your partner’s abusive behavior.
• They don’t define your relationship. There are many reasons why a person won’t put a label on your relationship. They may be polyamorous, they want an only friends-with-benefits thing, or they only want to keep it casual. However, they need to be honest about it. If your partner expects to treat them as your partner and be faithful to them, but you don’t get the same treatment from them – it is a red flag. They want to gain all the benefits from you while keeping their options open. They may even flirt in front of you, and when you confront them they may call you crazy and blame you for causing drama.(3)
• They never apologize because they think they can do no wrong. It is almost impossible to fight with a narcissist. The battle is not fair because the narcissist will never compromise or say they are sorry for hurting you. In their head, they are always right and you should be the one bowing to them and apologizing. You don’t need someone like that in your life. A good partner will always respect you and when they do something wrong, they will apologize because they don’t want to lose you.
• If you try to break up with them, they will start panicking. They will start love-bomb you in order to keep you stuck to them. They may promise they will change and do everything you want. Of course, they are lying. That’s why narcissists have on-off relationships until they find a new victim to date.
• And when you are really done, they will start badmouthing you to save face. Because their ego will be severely bruised, they will try anything to make you look like the bad person, like you are the one who is responsible for the breakup. A good reputation is all they care about and therefore, don’t expect a narcissist to play fair.

What Are The 13 Traits Of A Narcissist?

1. Entitlement and superiority

Narcissists’ number one priority is to be superior to anyone. They derive their confidence from feeling powerful and superior. Of course, that confidence is a fickle one, it is not real. In the narcissist’s world, they are at the top, and everyone else is below them. They feel entitled to control everything and have everyone admire them and listen to their orders.

2. Constant need for validation and attention

Another narcissistic trait is their relentless need for admiration, attention, and validation. No matter how supportive you are, how loving and encouraging you are – it is never enough. Because deep down, they don’t believe that they are good enough. In spite of their grandiose, self-absorbed persona, they are very insecure at heart. That’s why they constantly fish for attention and compliments.

3. Perfectionism

You can tell a person is a narcissist by their need for perfection. Everything in their life needs to be perfect. And if their plans are not going well, they instantly get pissed off and miserable. Then they start criticizing others for their failed plans.

4. Excessive need to control everything

The need for control and manipulation is typical narcissistic behavior. They need to control everything and mold it the way they want it. Plus, their need for control goes hand in hand with their need for power.

5. Lack of boundaries.

There are many people out there who lack boundaries or cross other people’s boundaries, but normal people are aware when they have crossed the like and they are quick to apologize and heal the damage. However, narcissists don’t have any boundaries. They don’t respect people and social norms. They believe they can do anything and no one can tell them no.

6. Lack of responsibility

Another glaring sign of narcissism is a complete lack of responsibility. Even though a narcissist desires to be in control in situations, they don’t want any responsibility. When something doesn’t go as they have planned, they are quick to shift the blame onto others and remove themselves from the situation and not suffer the consequences for their actions. That’s how they keep their ‘perfect’ façade. They almost always blame the most loving, loyal, and affectionate person for their wrongdoings.

7. Lack of empathy

 Narcissists don’t have any empathy and compassion in them. They are selfish and self-absorbed to the point that they don’t even think that other people can get hurt by their actions. They don’t think about other people at all. They only think about themselves and how they can get what they want. They don’t feel any guilt and remorse if they stomp upon someone’s heart. They view people as objects and they don’t care who they need to break in order to accomplish their goals.

8. Emotional reasoning

Many victims of narcissists have made the mistake of trying to explain and reason with the narcissist to get them to understand what they have done and how deeply they hurt them. However, all the efforts to talk and reason with a narcissist are futile because the narcissist doesn’t take your words into consideration. Your words mean nothing to them. The narcissist only cares about their own thoughts and feelings. So, if you are hoping that if you explain to them that they will change, don’t waste your time.(4)

9. Lack of ability to read body language

Narcissists perceive every sarcastic comment, every unusual facial expression as an attack to them. When they are angry, even “I love you” can trigger their rage. The lack of ability to read your emotions and facial expressions is a common narcissistic trait. In other words, narcissists cannot believe you feel differently than they feel. They can’t see and feel your love because they can’t love anyone other than themselves. That’s why they are always defensive. They think everyone wears a mask when they are the one wearing it and being fake.

10. Personality split

The personality of a narcissist is split into good and bad. In turn, narcissists split everything into good and bad. Everything negative that occurs into the relationship they blame onto the other person while taking credit for the good things that happen. Also, in their world, there is no middle ground. They tend to remember things as wonderful or as horrible. They can’t seem to feel or remember both positive and negative things in a particular situation. They only see it as black or white.

11. Fear of rejection

The whole life of the narcissist is driven by fear. Of course, they would never show it. However, narcissists are constantly scared of being rejected or ridiculed. They also have abandonment issues, i.e they fear being abandoned. They fear being seen as inadequate or losing all their money. All of these fears stop the narcissist from trusting another human being and opening up to them. Moreover, the closer you two get, the less they will trust you. They are deeply afraid of you seeing their imperfections and judging them. That’s why they will push you away before getting emotionally close to you.

12. Anxiety

Some narcissists feel anxious all the time. They are preoccupied with thoughts of doom and they tend to project their anxious feelings towards their partner. So, they call them negative, crazy, mentally ill, not being supportive or understanding, selfish, and so on. And as their partner begins feeling worse, they feel better. That’s how twisted their mind is.

13. Deeply repressed feelings of shame

Narcissistic people carry a lot of shame. They do believe that there must be something inherently wrong with them, but they don’t know what. They are ashamed of their feelings and fears, and that’s why they never show their vulnerable side. That’s how they keep their false image that everything is perfect in their world. But their world is full of lies and illusions.

What Is The Behavior Of A Narcissist VS. Non-Narcissists?

A person with a narcissistic disorder behaves differently than a person who is not a narcissist. Narcissists have very different values and views of the world than regular people. Here’s the difference between the narcissist’s behavior vs. the behavior of normal people.

Narcissists: lack empathy, are impulsive, don’t question their behavior, deny or hide their mistakes, hold grudges, blame others, withdraw or stonewall when they are upset, spoil other people’s good moods, are driven by fear, are hypersensitive to criticism, have casual relationships, are selfish, and pursue win-lose strategies.

Non-narcissists: care about the emotions of other people, are spontaneous, value introspection, learn from their mistakes, apologize, are hopeful, take responsibility for their actions, don’t take anything personally,  celebrate other people’s success, seek win-win situations, have reciprocal relationships, accept criticism, seek resolution to problems,  and communicate when they are upset.

Narcissistic behaviors such as those mentioned above are specifically designed by narcissists as a means to mask their insecurities and weak spots. There are some behaviors, like denying mistakes, avoiding introspection, blaming others, and stonewalling that is meant to put away the spotlight from the narcissist’s flaws. Others, such as lacking empathy or having casual and superficial relationships are signs of the narcissist’s inability to form a meaningful relationship with another person.

What Are The Values Of Narcissists VS. Non-Narcissists?

There is a big contrast when it comes to the values of narcissistic people and healthy people.

Narcissists value: status, perfection, image, winning, superiority, and getting attention from other people.

Non-narcissists value: fairness, equality, growth, development, love, compassion, authenticity, and connection with others.

Narcissist’s values such as superiority, winning, status, and perfection are all had in the likes of gaining respect, admiration, and approval from other people. They are all self-aggrandizing, as opposed to the values of other people that revolve around connection and compassion to other people.

How Does A Narcissist Act In A Relationship?

“Narcissists are very bad relationship partners,” said firmly professor Brad Bushman from Ohio State University. Many studies have shown that narcissistic partners play mind-games, manipulate their partners, and are less likely to form long-term committed relationships. (5)

A relationship with a narcissist is extremely challenging. A narcissist is someone who has a hard time loving another human being because they don’t even love themselves. They are obsessed with themselves and their well-being that they see people only as an extent of them, they don’t see them as separate people with their own thoughts and feelings. They see others in terms of what they can provide them with. They value their spouses and children only to the extent of the things they can meet their needs. Plus, a narcissist can never feel empathy for their partners’ feelings which makes the relationship toxic.   

However, there are many people that continue to get drawn to narcissists and it is because narcissists are very charming and captivating (especially at the beginning of the relationship). They will do anything to win your heart and make you feel grateful for having them in your life. You will feel blessed because someone like them has chosen you. But, as time goes by, you will notice their possessive and controlling nature. They get easily triggered and then lash out at you angrily. And you will be left wondering what has happened to the wonderful person you first met.

Narcissists are very prone to falling quickly in love with someone and committing to them. However, their infatuation and commitment is short-lived. People dealing with narcissists feel very lonely during the course of their relationship with them because the narcissist only cares about their needs and wants.

The best thing you can do if you are in a relationship with a narcissist is LEAVE.

What Does A Narcissist Do At The End Of A Relationship?

If you decide to do the right thing and break up with the narcissist, expect these behaviors from them.

• They will blame it all on you. They may try to change the narrative to make you the bad person. They may also try to guilt-trip you and manipulate you to stay by saying “You don’t want to give this relationship a chance,” “You never cared about me,” “You are leaving me when I need you the most…” etc.
• They may literally say “I don’t accept this,” “You don’t mean that, you are overreacting,” “You can’t break up with me”, and so on.
• Try to make you jealous. They may quickly find a new partner and go out publicly with them for you to see them because they want you to feel that they have moved on and they are happy without you so that you question your decision of leaving them. They want to awaken the competitive nature in you and make you fight for them.
• Make you feel sorry for them. They may try to guilt you into staying with them by saying “I will kill myself if you abandon me,” or “You have no heart, leaving me alone when I am still grieving my father’s death”…
• Promise to change. “It is going to be different this time.” Of course, it will never be because narcissists are incapable of change.
• Stalk you.
• Feign something terrible happened to them. You may hear from them all of a sudden telling you how they lost their job, their dog died, they are ill… all sorts of crises in order to get your attention again.
• Seek revenge. “You will never see the kids again,” “You will regret this,” “I will kill you.”

Can A Narcissist Really Love You?

A person who is diagnosed with NPD cannot really love another person because they don’t have the ability for it. Moreover, they don’t understand love as normal people do.

A narcissist may act in a loving way towards you, but their loving ways are almost always conditional, meaning they expect to gain something in return. They view relationships as transactions. That’s why a relationship with a narcissist can be filled with drama, toxicity, and be an overall traumatic experience.

When a narcissist loses interest and decides that it is over, that can be a shock to their ex-partner because they cannot understand what happened. The narcissist usually drops their victim during the love bombing phase when the passion between them is still there. That’s why it is extremely difficult for the other person to get over the breakup with the narcissist. The victim is left feeling abandoned, confused, betrayed, and heartbroken.

What Are Female Narcissists Like?

There is not much difference between a female narcissist and a male narcissist. However, since they socialize differently, female narcissists have developed some specific personality traits.

Even though male and female narcissists share common narcissistic traits, there are differences when it comes to exhibiting their narcissistic traits. For example, when angry, male narcissists tend to be explosive and aggressive, while female narcissists tend to punish the one who angered them by withholding affection and attention.

Moreover, male narcissists use status and power as a form of control, whereas female narcissists use guilt or neglect as a means of controlling people and getting them to do what they want.

A female narcissist is superficial, deeply insecure, only concerned with their social image and physical appearance, she likes to bee seen as the martyr, she is very jealous and competitive, and as a parent or a mother-in-law is extremely over-bearing always wanting others to do things their way. A narcissistic mother-in-law may even be jelous of the partner of her son.

One of the biggest misconceptions about female narcissists is that they don’t exist. They do exist. Also, they are equally violent and dangerous. Females can also be bullies, just like male narcissists.

Bottom line…

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or involved with them in any form, protect yourself and your sanity by removing them from your life. Or, if you can’t do that, then by all means try to cut contact with them to as little as possible. Because, with a narcissist, there is no stability. There is no love and understanding. Only pain, betrayal, and heartbreak.

Although it may seem quite the norm when your former boyfriend or girlfriend wants to stay friends, studies have proven it may mean they are a psychopath, or worse, a narcissist.

These types of people are prone to ego-boosting behaviors that are not only strenuous for them but for those they spend time with as well.

A narcissist or psychopath can sometimes be easily spotted by their “me, me and only me” behavior. However, that may not always be the case, which is why caution must be taken when dealing with these individuals.  

You may know someone who maintained contact with a former partner for friendly reasons. While that may not be the most farfetched thing you have ever heard, research carried out at Oakland University in the United States proves that these “friendly” relationships may hint at narcissism.

Referring to the study, these types of people partake in “dark personality traits”, which in turn make them desire to pursue a friendship once both parties have called it quits.

The study at Oakland University asked 860 individuals to clarify the reasons for their aspiration to stay in contact with their former partners, screening those who implied dark traits.

According to the Daily Mail reports, the people who “score highly for these traits are more likely to pick friends for strategic reasons, and prefer short-term relationships”, and those who carried out the research were curious to know if it can also be applied to relationships with exes as well.

Subsequently, the researchers requested people to rate their motives for staying in touch with their exes by the level of significance.

The study showed that the majority claimed that these people impacted their lives because they were “reliable, trustworthy, and of sentimental value.”

Nonetheless, the more interesting thing the study found was that those with “measures of dark personality” were more inclined to keep exes in their lives due to “practical and sexual reasons.”

According to the study, “men rated practical and sexual reasons for staying friends as more important than women did”.

If you have ever found yourself in this type of situation, this may sound utterly familiar. We all have that one ex that just will not give up. Either they will text you out of the blue asking to “hang out” or just wanting to know how you are.

During the time in which we receive those messages, it may seem legit and even courteous. Nevertheless, if we step out of the box for a minute and look at the bigger picture, we begin to grab hold of the real situation at hand.

During the time spent with our former partners, we may have noticed some odd character traits like selfishness and egoism, but we may have brushed them to the side, referring to them as “flaws”, which we chose to accept.

Yet, according to psychology, these individuals all have similar traits.

Narcissists and psychopaths are referred to as the dark triad, which contains a group of three main personality traits: psychopathy, narcissism, and at times even Machiavellianism.

What this means is that they lack empathy, can be cruel and selfish and possess egotistical and pride-like characteristics. Notwithstanding, narcissists tend to be disparaging, manipulative, and cunning. Therefore, the word dark is used to predict their vindictive nature.

You may be asking yourself why someone would want to remain in a friendship with someone such as the one described above. For one, these types of people are very witty, which means they have the ability to mask these traits with kindness and affection.

Other times, they may not be a bad person, as seen in the study. For example, most of the people interviewed claimed that they remained friends with a former partner due to reliability and trustworthiness. This implies that the person on the other end of the story may not be the monster they are made out to be.

However, when viewed from a darker point of view, the study also concludes that those with indications of a dark personality were more inclined to keep relationships at the touch of a button for less tasteful reasons.

The research showed that quite a few people stated reasons for maintaining the relationship to be “sexual and practical”.

Therefore, the next time your ex tries to lure you into spending time with them or doing something for them, drop everything and run. You may have a psychopath on the loose.

When speaking of narcissism for an interview with Broadly, expert Dr. Tony Ferretti explained why individuals with dark personality traits would want to keep links with a past relationship. “Narcissists hate to fail or lose, so they will do what they can to maintain some connection if they didn’t make the choice to end it,”

Dr. Ferretti said: “They can experience narcissistic injury when rejected by a partner and have difficulties letting it go or healing from it.” Dr. Ferretti also stated that “People who are in deep, close, healthy, and intimate relationships tend to be happier.”

Narcissists often cling to those who are more empathic, compassionate, and understanding. As a result, when such a relationship ends, they feel the need to stick around.

It is not uncommon for these type of people to make an effort to keep their ex partners around. Therefore, the next time your ex tries to initiate contact, make sure they do not check the boxes of the characteristic traits.

Read on if you want to know more about how narcissists treat their exes!

How Narcissists Treat Their Exes

So, you broke up with a narcissist? Then, get ready to be lured in and manipulated even more because narcissists never let bygones be bygones, especially when you were the one who broke up with them. The narcissist will always seek revenge. And here are some ways narcissists tend to treat their exes after the separation. 

The majority of narcissists tend to go in and out of their exes’ lives. Why? Because we all know that narcissists are unpredictable. They are immature and fickle. They make decisions in the spur of the moment, and that’s how they decide to come back to their ex or disappear if things don’t go as they planned or they get bored. So, if you have broken up with a narcissist, expect them to return sooner or later. 

Some narcissists remain friends with their exes. They do so, claiming they don’t want drama and they want things to end amicably. However, this is their tactic to leave the door open should they start wanting to come back in the future. The real truth is a narcissist has a sense of superiority, and they believe they can go in and out of other people’s lives as they please because they are irreplaceable. 

A narcissist will flirt with their exes to test the waters and see if they are still desired. A narcissist is always curious whether their ex still wants them, and when they see that their ex hasn’t moved on, it gives them the ultimate satisfaction, and it boosts their ego like nothing else. Their flirting is also a tactic to lure their ex back in if they sense they are about to move on with their life.

Narcissists are prone to spreading lies about their exes. They do that in order to save face and look like the ‘good guy’ after the breakup. Their self-image is all they got, and they will do anything to protect it because their ego depends on it. And, without their ego – they are nothing. 

After the breakup, narcissists resort to playing mind games to keep their exes on their toes. It is very hard to break away from the toxicity of the relationship with a narcissist because the narcissist will continue to torture you and emotionally manipulate you. They will love bomb you only to ghost you a few days later and then love bomb you again. The cycle of abuse is difficult to end because narcissists are very skilled at toying with their partner’s emotions and keeping them under their thumb. 

Finally, some narcissists will blackmail their ex-partners, using anything they have against them to have their way with them and get what they want. 

Will A Narcissist Miss You?

If you are wondering whether a narcissist will miss you if you break up with them, it is hard to say. As I said before, a narcissist is a very unpredictable person. However, while everyone says that narcissists are incapable of loving anyone but themselves, they do struggle when things change, so the separation can affect them, especially if you were the one to break up with them. 

A narcissist may feel sad, but they won’t ever admit it. 

Now, a narcissist may miss you and want you back, but only for selfish purposes. They need you to validate them and give them an ego boost. They need you because they need someone they can manipulate and stomp all over. So, they don’t miss you per se; they miss how you used to love them unconditionally and fulfill all their needs. 

Why Do Narcissists Keep In Touch With Their Exes?

Narcissists stay in touch with their exes solely for selfish reasons. They need validation. And a validation from an ex-lover always feels nice and exciting. 

The narcissist may pretend that they have changed and act differently from how they used to act in the past. However, all that is a mask to get their ex-lover back in their trap. They want their ex-lover’s love and attention. They crave it. And if their ex decides to give them another chance, the narcissist will drag them back into the same patterns of toxicity and abuse. 

Another reason why narcissists stay in contact with their exes is due to their abandonment issues. A narcissist is deeply insecure at their core. Because anyone who has a solid sense of self doesn’t feel the urge to go back to someone from their past in order to feed their ego. Narcissists do have that urge, especially if their ex was someone who was popular, rich, powerful, sexy, attractive, and younger than them. 

Why Do Narcissists Talk About Their Exes?

A narcissist will talk to you about their ex to “teach” you how to behave. Namely, they will say something along the lines of, “My ex was very jealous. She never wanted me to go out with friends. That’s why we broke up. I’m glad you are not like her.” By saying this, the narcissist will imply that you are not allowed to complain when they go out. 

When you are at the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, it is easy to think of those comments as compliments to you. But don’t be fooled. This is pure manipulation from the narcissist to keep you bound to them and have you completely obedient and servile to them. 

The narcissist wants to make you scared of them leaving you as they did with their ex, so you will find yourself in a situation where you will watch what you say and do to not make them angry. This is called conditioning, and it is a toxic and evil way of manipulating someone and messing with their psyche. 

How Do Narcissists Feel About Their Exes? 

Most narcissists do feel bad, and they are sorry when the relationship with their narcissistic supply ends. However, they mostly feel bad because they have lost the love and attention of their ex. And they feel bad only when they realize their ex has moved on. 

If their ex is sending messages and signals to them that they still love them and want to reconcile with them, then the narcissist will not feel sorry. Instead, they will feel glad that their ex still loves them, and that will give them the ego boost they need. 

Do Narcissists Ever Go Back To Their Exes?

Anyone in a relationship with a narcissist will realize sooner or later that they are better off alone. And when they do decide to leave the narcissist and experience the world without pain and anxiety, they know they made the right decision. However, the narcissist may eventually try to come back into their lives and ask for another chance. Why? 

Because narcissists don’t forget their exes. In fact, they like to think that they always have someone to turn to. That’s why they keep a set of people who satisfy their needs and then shuffle them over time, going in and out of their lives as they please. 

In conclusion…

If you are in an on-again, off-again relationship with a narcissist, it is time to MOVE ON. Break free from the toxicity and the manipulation of the narcissist. I understand that it is difficult because this vicious cycle is so addictive and intoxicating, but you have to do it! 

After all, what is the point of having someone in your life who is not loyal and you know will leave you sooner or later?

Sadly, I know the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist. I know the tears. I know the anxiety. I know the struggle. I know how a heart breaks. When the mask of the one you imagined sharing your life with falls, then everything gets destroyed. 

How to Stop A Narcissist From Hurting You

First, you need to understand how and why they hurt you. 

A Narcissist is someone who most likely hurts you by projecting their unhealed wounds and traumas onto you. They may have felt abandoned, misunderstood, rejected, and not good enough in childhood that left a mark on them, and now they want to spew their wounds all over you and make you bleed as they have bled. 

The narcissist wants you to be responsible for them. They don’t want to be partnered up with you. They are not team players. And there is nothing you can do to satisfy a narcissist and make them feel happy and at peace. 

So, the narcissist will inevitably hurt you. However, in order to stop hurting yourself, you need to accept that you will never get the things that you want and need to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. 

You can’t get blood out of a stone, and you can’t make someone behave the way you want them to behave when they don’t have the capacity to connect with you emotionally. 

So, stop hurting yourself and let the narcissist go. 

What Are the Signs That You’ve Been Broken by a Narcissist? 

A narcissist is someone who will destroy your whole life without you even realizing it. A narcissist will lie to you, abuse you, ridicule you, call you names, demean you, push you off your limits, and gaslight you to the point that you believe that it is all your fault and you deserve it.

The narcissist destroyed your sense of self forever. You were first idealized and adored, and then the narcissist pushed you off the pedestal and devalued you. The narcissist said horrible things to your face and then abandoned you. They left you in the destruction they have made. 

And then, after all the pain and trauma you have endured, the narcissist decides to show up and try to lure you in. They want a second chance – a second chance to destroy what was not destroyed the first time. 

Nothing in your relationship with the narcissist was good and normal. And even though you may not have visible scars and physical wounds, the psychological injuries are inside of you. You live daily with the trauma of being with a narcissist. 

So, if you recognize yourself in these 8 symptoms of being abused by a narcissist, then you may have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. 

1. You walk on eggshells around certain people. 

When you have been deeply hurt and broken by a narcissist, it is normal that your brain wants you to avoid anything that reminds you of the pain and the trauma you have experienced. So, that’s why you may find yourself walking your eggshells around them and the people that remind you of them so that you can avoid the drama and their wrath. 

2. You sacrifice yourself and your needs to please them and keep them from leaving you.

Once upon a time, you were optimistic, full of life, ambitious, and wanted to make your dreams reality. But, during your relationship with a narcissist, you start forgetting about yourself and your needs, and you cater to your partner’s needs because you fear they will abandon you. The sad thing is, they will leave you sooner or later, and they are never satisfied with what you are offering them, regardless of how much you give them. 

3. You stop trusting others. 

You have developed trust issues after your relationship with the narcissist. Because when the person you love betrays you, there is a big hole in your heart, and you will need a lot of healing in order to start believing in love again.

4. You isolate yourself. 

If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, you certainly have felt the need to isolate yourself from anyone because you don’t want to deal with the shame of what you went through. You may also fear that no one will support or believe you, so withdrawing is your solution to escaping judgment from other people.

5. You compare yourself to other people and blame yourself for the end of the relationship.

It is typical for a narcissist to bring third parties into the relationship and make you feel as though you are not enough for them. And instead of you leaving, the narcissist will play with your mind in such a way that you may think that it is all your fault and even try to “convince” the narcissist to leave other people and focus on you. With a narcissist, you compete ALL THE TIME. 

6. You sabotage yourself. 

When you have been abused for a long time, you may still find yourself hearing the voice and the words of your abuser, telling you you are incompetent and you don’t deserve anything good. This negative talk can still ring in your ears, and you may unknowingly sabotage yourself because you believe those words. Stop doing it. Stop ruining your goals and dreams. Stop ruining your life. You are worthy. And you deserve everything good. 

7. You gaslight yourself by protecting your abuser.

As a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may start minimizing, rationalizing, and even denying what you’ve gone through because you want to reduce the pain of knowing that the person you thought loved you is capable of treating you that way. So, you tell yourself they are not that bad, and maybe you have provoked them to act that way. 

What Do You Do When A Narcissist Breaks Your Heart

If you have survived in the hands of a narcissist, don’t worry – you are not alone. There are millions of survivors like you around the world. And they all are broken-hearted and fearful, just like you are. They are all traumatized. They have all experienced pain. And they all want to heal and move on with their lives.

So, the first step you should take in your healing process is to acknowledge what you have gone through. For instance, you can keep a journal and write about your experience with the narcissist. Speak your truth. Don’t let those negative feelings bottled up inside you. 

Ask for help whenever you feel anxious, lonely, scary, or depressed. It is good to have someone close to you you can trust to guide you in your healing process, be it a friend or a psychiatrist because it is not easy to leave and heal from an abusive relationship. The trauma bonds you form with your abuser are strong and are not easy to break. 

However, you can do it, and you are not alone. And it is worth doing it. It is worth saving your life.

How Do You Outdo A Narcissist?

First, don’t sink to their level. Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They love drama and fights. And you may feel like they win every time you fight with them, but it is not that they are good at it, but they know which buttons to push to make you angry. The narcissist likes seeing you lose control. So, avoid fights. They don’t lead anywhere. That’s the first step to conquering a narcissist.

Don’t give them any attention. Narcissists’ ego is always hungry for attention. Let them starve. 

Let them go and move on with your life. Don’t bother with them at all. 

And now, let me tell you a story about a girl who fell in love with a narcissist and how he broke her heart.

He came into her life like the most welcome guest. He was everything she ever wished for…or at least he seemed to be. He walked through her life, spreading his charm everywhere. That unexplainable charm… nobody could help themselves but fall for it.

And he left damaging footprints. He stepped on her self-confidence and self-worth so proudly, without any fear that he might harm her. And he did. He created a total mess in her head.

He set a fire and watched it burn. A narcissist broke her soft, fragile heart.

Now, even though this strong woman broke free from that toxic relationship, she can’t put the broken pieces of her heart together. She is still the victim of all the painful memories of the narcissistic abuse.

She feels empty and scared.

She feels lost. She can’t see through the darkness and find the light. She can’t choose the right path. This woman is broken in her thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

She can’t escape her memories; they have been haunting her everywhere. She fears them. She fears her new life. She is even scared to feel, so she avoids everything but fear. Her fear becomes her best company.

 She doesn’t trust anyone.

All those manipulations and tortures killed her last bit of hope for a better tomorrow. She lost her faith in people. She is scared to trust anyone. She already trusted and gave her heart to a narcissist.

What did he do? He played a disrespectful game with her heart. She betrayed her trust. Therefore, she is afraid to share her life with someone else.

She is afraid to love again.

This woman believed in true love, but she was never loved. She was manipulated. She was humiliated. Because of that, she feels she doesn’t deserve to be loved. She feels incapable of giving love.

His heart was torn apart. How can a broken heart flutter again with the same warmth? Love has brought her nothing more than pain.

She needs someone who will heal the wounds of her heart.

This woman needs someone who will accept and respect her. A helping hand that will lead her through the dark storm, someone who will fill her heart with love and her spirit with faith and hope.

This woman needs someone with whom she will forget the past and enjoy all the beauty of the present moment. She needs someone who will heal her broken heart and make her whole again.

She needs someone who will show her what real love looks like.

This woman needs someone who will be with her through thick and thin, someone who will never give up on her no matter what happens.

She needs someone who will be everything that the narcissist wasn’t.

To all women whose heart has been broken by a narcissist: You deserve to be loved the right way. Believe in yourself. Keep your head up and your wonderful heart strong.

The best is yet to come.