The Toxic Relationship Between An Empath And Narcissist
Toxic relationships manifest themselves in the form of exhaustion, insecurity, discontent, emotional baggage that reappears in relationships with other people, anxiety, even depression. (1)
The thing about toxic relationships between empath and narcissist is that they are usually comprised of a narcissist that weighs the other person down and quite frequently, that another person happens to be an empath or just anyone that’s loving, caring, selfless, and lenient.
Relationship With A Narcissist
The relationship with a narcissist affects all areas of life – from socializing and your ability to focus at work all the way to affect your mental health.
The tricky part about being stuck in such a relationship is not knowing whether your partner really is a narcissist or just overly confident and if they are, what can you do about it? How can you change that? Or should you just leave that toxic environment and turn a new love page?
Narcissists select people that are vulnerable, either because of their past (their childhood or a past relationship) or because they have high levels of empathy. (2)
At the start of the relationship, narcissists will love bomb their victims, making them feel special and showering them with gifts, compliments, and affection. Then there goes their flip side.
All of a sudden, they turn cold and distant, reproaching, critical, harsh, and patronizing. The victim is suddenly confused: What happened? They were so loving and sweet but changed overnight. It must be because of something I did!
No one is bad all the time – neither are narcissists. They have this little game they play called hot and cold. Similarly, they alternate between these two phases, to hook their victim.
Hooked on those tender moments of the narcissists, desperate to feel loved and special again, the victim is willing to stand through the darkness, just so they can feel the light again.
The relationship with a narcissist feels like endless spinning in circles, constant spiraling between heaven and hell, affection and detachment.
What happens when a highly empathetic person is in a relationship with a narcissistic person who lacks empathy and has an immense sense of self-importance. The outcome? Toxic and painful (for the empath).
All narcissists have one common thing that you should be aware of – they are emotionally wounded people.
It is usually some childhood trauma that scarred them for life. Probably they have been feeling unappreciated and worthless in one period of their life which made them a constant ‘seekers’ for validation and admiration from others.
Empaths, on the other hand, are the ‘healers’ of society. They are highly sensitive and empathetic that they are even able to feel the emotions of others as their own. They want to help and protect everyone in need, and they will try to eliminate the pain and the emotional damage of the narcissists. However, these virtues that empaths possess may become their downfall if they are not careful enough.
So, when these two opposites meet the attraction is enormous – but toxic.
This is because the empath fails to see the narcissist’s dark side. A narcissistic person is a person who can suck out the soul from everyone they come in contact with. It is a narcissistic way to feel validated while making others fragile and unbalanced and use them for future needs.
This situation can be very confusing for an empath. An empath might not even be aware that they are dealing with a narcissist because their sensitive nature makes them see only the good in everyone.
Empaths tend to think that everyone is like them, that people are actually good at heart. This gullibility however admirable can be damaging to them because not everyone is honest and good as they are – and different people have different agendas.
A narcissist’s agenda is to manipulate. They want to be in total control of others and use them as a ‘validation tool’ in their need to rise above them. An empath’s agenda, on the contrary, is one of love, care, and healing. There can never be balance a between these two contrasting natures.
If, however, they start a relationship, this relationship will soon become a vicious cycle that it will be almost impossible to get out. The more affection and love that the empath gives, the more in control the narcissist would feel, thus making the empath the victim.
In a relationship between Empath And Narcissist the empath will soon become wounded and begin to feel like the victim that in turn may give them some narcissistic traits. When a narcissist sees that the empath is wounded, it may give them a sense of validation. Because the more unhappy the empath is – the happier the narcissist feels. The unhappy empath will then start seeking for feelings of love and support from the narcissist.
At this point, the empath will focus solely on its feelings of pain and will seek for validation and love, failing to realize that they are not the one to blame for this – the damage is coming from the narcissist. It is essential for the empath to wake-up and realize this before they become self-absorbed and narcissist themselves; because the truth is, everyone who is deeply hurt is vulnerable to become a narcissist.
So, how can an empath stop the damage and put an end to this toxic relationship with a narcissist?
Every plan on having a conversation with a narcissist is useless, because the narcissist, while very charismatic, is a very manipulative person too, and will try to blame the empath for his and their pain as well. It will make the empath feel responsible for all the problems in the relationship.
The empath has a choice: they could remain the victim in the narcissist’s game, or they could find the needed strength to walk away and end the relationship.
The empath should accept the fact that the narcissist will never change. And the waiting for a narcissist to change is a waste of a precious time. (3)
In the end, all that matters is that we let others treat us as we think we deserve to be treated. If an empath chooses willingly to stay in this kind of toxic relationship with a narcissist – it is their way of thinking that they do not deserve better than that.
This could not be further from the truth. Empaths have to understand that it is not their job to fix others, especially those who do not want to be fixed, as they are not aware of their disorder.
Empaths should realize that the treatment they get from the narcissists is not a treatment they deserve and must find the courage to utterly walk away.
Toxic Relationship Signs
It’s never easy to leave a relationship that you invested your soul, time, and energy in for years. BUT if you notice the following signs in your partner, it may just be the time for you to take some action and get rid of the narcissist near you:
1. Your partner is short-tempered and thinks the world revolves around them.
Ever tried to have a conversation with an it’s all about me person? Someone who is all about my way or the highway, only listens to themselves and when the conversation is not about them, they slowly redirect it back?
This stems from the need of the narcissist to be in the spotlight constantly, and if they are not, then they feel irritated and tend to burst out in the heat of their moment.
If you ever wondered why all narcissists are so short-fused and impatient, the answer is quite simple. Narcissists have a sense of entitlement wherein they believe to be entitled or, in other words, that they have the right for constant attention and admiration.
2. They disregard your feelings.
The narcissist will make decisions based on what will benefit them, not the relationship. They simply don’t care about your feelings as they are preoccupied with their own.
Narcissistic people are often quite like children—you take away their toy and they start crying and sulking. Well, it’s the same with the narcissist. It has to be their way or no way that in attempts to meet their wants and needs they forget yours even exist.
Don’t be such a baby, I was only joking.
God, you are impossible. You act like a baby.
Why are you so needy?
Do any of these phrases ring a bell? It’s what narcissists usually say to justify their dismissively selfish behavior.
3. They are manipulation experts.
Being an adult yourself, you may think it’s easy to spot a manipulator. But not a narcissistic manipulator. They have sly tactics that they employ with their victim, that by the time you become aware, the emotional damage has already been done.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist means having to go through a lot of belittling—whether in private or in public, the narcissist won’t hesitate to put you down and expose your insecurities, especially in front of your friends or coworkers. To cover up for their spitefulness, they will just say something like, Relax, it was just a joke. Jesus, can’t you take a joke?
Narcissists play the victim. They cannot take responsibility for their actions, so they either gaslight you by bending the truth and convincing you that it’s not how it happened or that that’s not what they said.
They will twist all your arguments posing as the victim: I have to go through this nightmare with you every single day. See? You’re always just trying to start an argument with me. Do you even want to be with me? I am telling you, I never said such a thing. Are you crazy?
4. They have delusions of grandeur.
These people believe they are superior to everyone else, and they are not afraid to let that vibe float in the air so other people notice it. They want to be feared and admired and believe to be better than other people, so if you notice your narcissistic partner behaving condescendingly towards you and others, know that’s a huge red flag there.
5. Everything is either black or white.
There is no grey area. There is winning and losing. If the narcissist sees any threat to their ego, they will immediately feel attacked and will fight back.
They will go to lengths to make sure the world doesn’t perceive them as weak, ill, or defeated, even if it means attacking their opponent where they know it would hurt them the most. To them, not everyone can be the lucky winner, and they always make sure it’s them.
6. They have a split personality.
The narcissist’s charm comes with a twist. Narcissists are usually loving and caring at the start of a relationship and then they just switch to their regular selves once they have you hooked. From that moment on, it feels like you barely know the person you are with.
One minute you feel as though you’ve found the one, and then the next minute you wonder who is that person standing in front of you. The thing is, these changes happen slowly and gradually, so at first, you think you are the one that did something that hurt your partner.
You try to justify their ill-mannered behavior and every time you become aware that it’s not you, it’s them, they show you glimpses of that same old charm that made you fall in love, and continue to have you trapped in their net of lies.
7. They have no sense of boundaries.
People in a relationship with a narcissist will do something despite the fact that you’ve told them it makes you uncomfortable. Narcissists overstep boundaries in many ways, including breaking promises or responsibilities, showing little remorse, or blaming the other person for something that’s clearly their fault.
Leaving A Relationship With A Narcissist
When you reject a narcissist, their fragile artificially pumped up ego and self-esteem take a plummeting downfall. Because they think they are superior, they can’t understand how someone could no longer want them. They cannot come to terms with rejection.
And what happens next is they will try to claw their way back into you’re your life to prove to themselves that you cannot live without them, that you need them desperately. To prove to themselves, once again, that they are worthy.
They will beg, sugarcoat you with their tender words, while their same old toxic selves will lurk just below the surface waiting to reappear a few weeks or months after you’ve agreed to give them another chance. It’s just a trap! It’s best to go no contact and detach yourself from their constant injections of toxicity.
Don’t fall for their sweet words and empty promises. Seek expert help if you need to heal after their cruelty and public humiliation, after their unpredictable behavior and their twisted mind games of manipulation.
Take action. All your loved ones can help you. Trained coaches can too. It may be hard, but once you close the door to your narcissist, don’t try to open it ever again.
It’s what would hurt them the most. Absolute detachment. Going cold turkey.
You will go back to being your old energetic, lively self—the one you used to be before meeting them. Breakups are not easy, I know. But reiterating anxiety and mental torture is way harder.
Absorb all the strength your friends and family can give you. Absorb all the power you and God will give you and let go.
Mary Wright is a professional writer with more than 10 years of incessant practice. Her topics of interest gravitate around the fields of the human mind and the interpersonal relationships of people.If you have a general question or comment please fill out the form and we will get back to you as soon as possible https://curiousmindmagazine.com/contact-us/ .