The Painful Side Of Love – We Are Not Meant To Be Together

When two people are meant to be together – it is the greatest force in the universe. It’s a magical power. It’s the purest, deepest, and most intense feeling. It has the power to turn the ugliest thing into the most beautiful one, and yet, it can destroy us at any given time. (1)

It’s unbelievable how a single emotion can show itself in so many different ways. It’s difficult to understand how something so pure and amazing can either make us the happiest or the most disconsolate person in the world.

When we think of love, we imagine it like a fairytale about two people who are madly in love with each other and who are destined to stay together forever. We think of love as being all about sunshine, butterflies, boxes of chocolates, romantic surprises, and true happiness.

We think of love as being the beginning of something profound, amazing, and flawless. We think of it as a genuine, deep, one-of-a-kind connection.

And this is the kind of love we all want to experience, right?

We all want to experience the kind of love that leads to happiness and the lifelong union of two souls that are destined to be together.

What If We Are Not Meant To Be Together?

However, not all couples are blessed to experience this kind of love. Not all love stories have the “…and, they lived happily ever after” end. Because there’s another type of love that is not bright and happy. Instead, it’s gloomy and sad. It’s the kind of love one feels when they love someone, they’re not meant to be with.

It’s the kind of love that’s not about sunshine and butterflies but about darkness and pain: tears and despair.

It’s the kind of love that’s not soothing or fulfilling but damaging and painful.

Such love doesn’t present itself as a beautiful, blissful beginning but as something that won’t even begin.

Such love can never blossom and thrive. Such love can never bring happiness and fulfillment to those involved.

Such couples are forced to part ways.

And that’s how some people discover the painful, dark side of love. They discover the pain of being so deeply and madly in love with someone but not being able and lucky enough to enjoy that kind of love with that person. They discover the pain of truly loving someone they can never have.

They discover that you can love someone with every part of yourself and still never get the chance to be together with that person. You can give your heart and soul to someone and still not be loved back.

Because the ugly truth is that sometimes love simply isn’t enough. Call it destiny, faith, magic, or the universe, but there are plenty of other factors that prevent two people in love from being together. (2)

How do you know if you’re not meant to be together?

You know, there comes the point in your life when you realize that real-life love is nothing like the love you read about and see in fairy tales and romantic movies. Love is something that you need to work really hard both to achieve and maintain.

Just like you need to water a flower every day so as to stay alive and grow, you need to “water” love with hard work. And that means fully committing yourself to your partner and the relationship; accepting and cherishing the other person the way they are; treating them with kindness, compassion, patience, and affection every single day; being there for them in both their good and bad days.

You need to understand that love is irrational and that there’s no such thing as a smooth, perfect relationship. All couples go through ups and downs in their relationship. They’re faced with difficult challenges, obstacles, and tests every single day.

But, you also need to understand that you can’t leave at the first sign of trouble. You can’t leave without a fight. You can’t give up on your loved one before exhausting all the possible means of saving the relationship.

Because that’s what real love feels like. It’s hard. It requires effort, hard work, and commitment.  One more thing you always need to bear in mind is that we’re all unique individuals with different traits, beliefs, and behaviors. We all have quirks, annoying habits, and awkward preferences.

At the beginning of the relationship, we may fall in love with the flaws and quirks of the other person or even think that we love them. But, as I said, love is an irrational feeling and living in a world that is governed by logic, it’s only a matter of time until the painful reality hits us.

And when this happens, we start to see things as they really are. We realize that the faults and weaknesses we thought we loved about the other person, in fact, bothered us and made us gradually distance ourselves from our partner.

But, the truth is that you’ll never find someone that you’ll be 100 percent compatible with. There’ll always be some habit or behavior of theirs that you’ll find annoying or even unacceptable. And the only thing you can do to maintain both the love and the relationship is to be willing to compromise.

You always have the choice to compromise and make the relationship work. It’s up to you to decide whether you’ll accept your partner’s flaws, past mistakes, and failures or not.

Yet, there’re some mistakes that you’ll never be able to accept and forget. They will be like wounds that leave deep emotional scars on your soul. Because once the person you loved and trusted the most hurts you, this breaks your trust in them and ruins your hopes for your future together.

And the ugly truth is that it’s not these scars that will make your soul burn forever, but the excruciating feeling of loving the other person although you know that you’ll never be together.

Because sometimes, you love someone till your last breath, even when you know you’re not meant to be together.

And sometimes, red flags present in a relationship indicate that you and your partner are not meant to be together. In what follows, we’ll explain what a red flag in a relationship is as well as present some most common relationship red flags and signs which show you’re forcing yourself to love someone.

What Is A Red Flag In A Relationship?

You have probably heard the expression “red flags in a relationship” many times before. But, have you ever wondered what the term “red flags” means? Or are they a sign that you should put an end to the relationship or stay and do everything in your power to make it work? 

A red flag in a relationship is a sign that the relationship is not happy or healthy and that staying in that relationship can negatively affect both partners.

In what follows, we’ve presented the 9 most common relationship red flags. If some or all of these red flags are present in your relationship, take this as a sign that you should put an end to it and move on.

9 Most Common Red Flags In Relationships You Need To Look Out For

1. Lack Of Trust And Constant Jealousy

Mutual trust is the foundation upon which any healthy, meaningful, and successful relationship is built. But, if your relationship is characterized by distrust and constant, irrational jealousy instead of trust, this is a sure sign that your relationship is not headed in the right direction.

If your partner doesn’t trust you if they constantly insist that you inform them about your whereabouts, and if they often accuse you of cheating on them or flirting with others, this is a telltale sign that they’re insecure.

2. Constant Fighting

Disagreements and arguments are an inseparable part of any healthy and strong relationship. But if you and your partner are constantly fighting about insignificant things or serious matters or if you often have trouble resolving conflict, this indicates that something is wrong with your relationship. Frequent fights and an inability to resolve a dispute can lead to passive aggression and resentment.

3. Different Relationship Goals

It’s normal for you and your partner to have different goals when it comes to your career or relationships with others, but when it comes to your relationship, your goals should be the same, otherwise, the relationship is bound to fail.

You and your partner need to have the same goals concerning certain aspects of your relationship, such as how you plan to deal with finances, whether you want to have kids, and where you want to live.

4. Highly Controlling Behavior

If your partner tries to control your beliefs, desires, decisions, or movements, this is a clear sign that they prioritize their feelings, needs, and desires over your own.

No one has the right to control who you make friends with or hang out with, how you spend your money, who you talk to on social media, or what you wear. In a healthy relationship, both partners understand their differences and are willing to compromise.

5. Lack Of Emotional Intimacy

If your partner has trouble opening up about their feelings and connecting genuinely and deeply with you, what’s the point of staying in that relationship?

If there’s no closeness between your partner and you in which both of you feel loved, appreciated, and secure and open communication abounds, and there’s mutual respect and trust, this may be a sign that it’s time for you to walk away.

6. Drug Or Alcoholism Addiction

If substances, such as drugs or alcohol, are adversely affecting your partner’s life in their health, work, or relationship, this is a clear sign of addiction. In addition, if they rely on alcohol or drugs to cope with problems, this is also a sign of addiction, and it indicates that they haven’t found a way to deal with tough situations yet without changing their mental state.

Finally, if your partner’s addiction leads them to be emotionally or physically abusive, this is a sure sign that you should put an end to the relationship.

7. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulation technique that a person may use to create a false narrative and make you doubt your judgments and perception of reality. Gaslighting can undermine your self-esteem over time and make you become dependent on the person who is using this form of manipulation.

So, if your partner shows the following behaviors, this is a telltale sign that you’re a victim of gaslighting:

• They accuse you of saying or doing things that you know you never did
• They call you “needy” or “too sensitive” when you complain about something or express your needs
• They deny that certain events or agreements happened
• They often complain that you don’t love or care about them as much as you say you do
• They avoid admitting their mistakes and taking responsibility for their actions, and they lay the blame at your door
• They often disregard your opinions and think they’re always right

8. Inability To Build Relationships With Other People

If your partner has trouble building and maintaining relationships with other people, chances are they’ll struggle to create a close, emotional bond with you as well.

If your partner has this type of problem, try to understand why this is so. If you discover that they tend to criticize and blame others rather than accept responsibility, criticism, or blame for their own actions or that there’s a lack of drive in their relationships with others, this could be a sign that you’ll face the same problems in your relationship.

9. Violence

If your partner is violent towards you or someone else, including strangers, this is a major warning sign. Not only can this be a sign that they can’t healthily channel their emotions, but it can also be a sign that they’re incapable of feeling empathy for other people.

How Do You Know If You’re Forcing Yourself To Love Someone?

If you’re currently in a relationship and can often catch yourself asking yourself these two questions: “Do I really love him/her?” or “Am I trying to force a relationship?” it’s likely that you’re forcing yourself to love your partner.

The thing is that people get into relationships for various reasons. Some people do that because they want to be with someone they’ll love and care about and who will reciprocate the same feelings. Others enter relationships out of fear of feeling lonely and because they think this will bring a sense of fulfillment and happiness into their lives. However, whatever the reason a person may get into a relationship, when there’s no pure and unconditional love in a relationship as well as a close, genuine, and deep bond between the partners, the relationship is bound to fail.

So, if you can often catch yourself thinking that you do the most in your relationship and wondering whether your partner loves you as much as you love them, this could be a sign that you’re forcing yourself to love them. In what follows, we’ve presented 10 signs that indicate you’re forcing yourself to love your partner.

• You feel like you’re more invested in the relationship than your partner.
• You wonder whether you’ll ever have the chance to be in a happy, meaningful relationship.
• You sometimes wonder whether it’s the relationship you want more than your partner.
• You often catch yourself thinking, “He/She would be perfect if he/she changed X about him/her.” When you truly love someone, you don’t expect them to change. Instead, you love them for who they are.
• There’s no spark between you and your partner.
• You pretend to be interested in your partner’s hobbies and likes.
• You only feel happy around your partner in certain environments, such as during date nights, but you don’t like spending time with them on a Sunday afternoon.
• You question your partner’s loyalty.
• You don’t feel your partner respects you the way they should.
• You can imagine you two living together, but this idea doesn’t excite you at all.