A smart, strong woman – sounds so powerful, right? It does because these women really are powerful. They’re independent, fearless, and resilient. They’re not afraid to speak their mind and stand up for themselves.

Smart and tough women don’t seek other people’s validation and don’t let what others think about them affect the way they see themselves. Why? Because they know who they are and they’re aware of their worth.

These women have proved their strength many times. They’ve been through many heartbreaks and painful experiences, and yet, they’ve managed to overcome them. Why? Because they’re resilient and they’re determined to face and handle every obstacle and problem life sends their way.

They’re not afraid to make sacrifices, take risks, and face challenges. These women are determined to win every battle they need to fight to achieve happiness and get where they want to be in life.

When it comes to their relationships, they behave in the same way. That’s why they appear intimidating to most men. However, just because it’s hard for most men to handle such women, it doesn’t mean they’re difficult to love. The thing is that it takes a real, confident man to handle the strong, yet amazing, personality of smart and tough women.

Here are 8 reasons why it’s hard for most men to handle this kind of women:

1. They know what they want in life.

A smart, strong woman knows what she wants in life and how to get it. When she likes a man, she doesn’t hesitate to go after him. She doesn’t wait for him to make the first move and she definitely doesn’t worry about what others will think or say about her.

If you’re already in a relationship with this kind of woman, know that you’ve been privileged. But also bear in mind that she’d never allow you to tell her what she needs, what she should do, and, of course, what she really wants.

2. They don’t need a guy to solve their problems.

A smart, strong woman is capable of fighting her own battles by herself. When she’s going through difficult times, she doesn’t play the victim role and indulge in self-pity and despair. Instead, she stands and she deals with whatever is bothering her.

A smart, self-sufficient woman doesn’t wait for her Prince Charming to rescue her. She doesn’t need a man to solve her problems and make her pain magically go away – she handles that by herself.

3. They require their partner to be honest and willing to show his vulnerabilities.

A guy who has a difficult time opening up about his feelings, needs, weak sides, and past doesn’t stand a chance of being with an intelligent and tough woman. Such a woman wants her man to be able to share all his insecurities and fears with her.

She wants to always know how her man feels about her and about everything in life. When a man shows his vulnerable sides, she doesn’t see this as a sign of weakness. Instead, this makes her admire him even more.

And most importantly, such a woman appreciates the most when her man is always honest with her. And if she notices that her guy is a manipulative, lying douchebag, she’ll be quick to show him the door.

4. They detect lies from a mile.

I’m not kidding when I say these women are real human lie detectors. It’s not only that they can’t stand lies, but they can see through them in an instant.

An intelligent, strong woman will never be with a man who is phony and manipulative. She’d never allow herself to be with a man who would try to manipulate her with great stories, grandiose promises, or pathetic excuses and lies.

If she notices that her guy uses all kinds of manipulation techniques and plays little, devious mind games with her, she won’t have a problem to leave him in her past and move on.

5. They’re not afraid of intimacy.

Smart, tough women demand and embrace not only physical intimacy but emotional one as well. Whether they’ll require to have open, deep conversations with their guy about things close to their hearts or they’ll be wild and passionate in bed and expect the same thing from their partner – such women will challenge their man in all ways.

Men who demand only physical intimacy and have no interest in any other form of intimacy have a very little chance, or I should better say none, of succeeding with this kind of woman long-term.

6. They want their partner’s actions to be consistent with his words.

A woman who is smart and tough wants to know that the guy she’s dating is a man of high integrity and always true to his word. So, if he makes a promise, he has only one option – to keep it. If he showers her with compliments and sweet words, he has to show he really means what he says.

If he tells her that he truly loves and cares about her, he’ll have to prove that as well. On the other hand, if she notices that he’s pulling away, avoids showing his emotions, and doesn’t treat her with affection, she won’t hesitate to let go of him. To these women, words simply mean nothing unless they’re followed by action.

7. They show their man who he is.

This can be especially difficult and intimidating to men who have a hard time accepting the things they don’t like about themselves. A smart, strong woman will never ignore the parts of her guy’s personality that need some change or improvement.

They know that no one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean they’ll ignore their partner’s negative sides. They always talk to their guy openly about his annoying habits, whims, quirks, and insecurities.

Of course, they don’t do that to intentionally hurt his feelings or undermine his self-esteem, but to help him overcome these and become a better version of himself.

Men who are weak feel intimidated by this kind of behavior. However, men who are confident and who are willing to work on themselves so as to grow, both personally and professionally, undoubtedly appreciate this.

8. They love unconditionally.

When this woman loves, she loves deeply, intensely, and passionately. She wears her heart on her sleeve and undresses her soul in front of her man. When she feels that her love is reciprocated, she does everything she can to make her man feel like he is the most loved and valued person in the world.

She does everything in her power to nurture and protect the relationship from anyone and anything. Men who don’t know how to handle this kind of intense, unselfish, unconditional love, unfortunately, often leave the relationship.

But one thing’s for sure – no matter how deeply this kind of woman loves her man, she’ll let go of him as well. No one can play with her feelings and betray her trust.

And if some guy dares to do this and blows up the chance to be with such an amazing woman, I’m sorry, but it’s his loss. This lady has no intention whatsoever of giving him another chance. Period.

If you were asked to name a few things that could quickly destroy a relationship, I’m sure you’d put cheating on the top of the list.

Cheating is often regarded as the worst thing in the dating world. You can overlook the forgotten anniversary, few broken promises, or maybe even the fact that you caught your significant other flirting with another guy or woman, but when it comes to cheating, most people consider it unforgivable and a good enough reason to walk away.

But is cheating really the worst thing?

Well, there are many other things that have the potential to break even the strongest of bonds. These things are usually overlooked at the beginning because they seem small and indiscernible, but they slowly rot the relationship. And this is what makes them so dangerous and harmful.

In what follows there is a list of 10 behaviors that are way worse than cheating and that have the potential to wreck your relationship:

1. Being fake.

You told your partner you like going out to clubs and restaurants when you actually hate such places. Or you pretended that you hate horror movies when you actually adore them. Or you even told your partner that you are not looking for anything serious when that’s actually all you’re thinking about.

You need to bear in mind that presenting a false version of yourself just to impress your partner or show them  that you have many things in common will never do you any good. In fact, it will only make the relationship quickly go downhill when your significant other realizes that you’re not the person he/she thought you were.

Therefore, it’s always better to be yourself with your partner and show them both your good and bad sides. Let them know all your bad habits, insecurities, and whims. If they truly love you, they’ll accept and cherish you for who you are.

2. Not showing your partner affection.

No matter what affection means to you – whether it’s being touchy-feely, having deep conversations about things that are close to your heart, taking care of your partner’s needs, or helping each other through problems and difficulties, treating your significant other with affection is a must.

The absence of it can cause doubts and issues within the relationship that have the potential to ruin it completely.

3. Lying to your partner.

Of course, occasionally telling white lies won’t doom your relationship for sure. However, if this turns into your habit, it undoubtedly will. Keeping little things from your partner because you’re just trying to protect their feelings can turn into a big issue and break their trust in you. And I believe we can all agree that once a couple starts having trust issues, this inevitably ruins even the strongest of relationships.

To prevent this, you should be able to talk to your partner about everything and always be honest with them. You should always tell them the truth no matter how harsh or painful it may be. And, of course, you should never allow yourself to put yourself into a position where you’d have to lie to them.

4. Being jealous.

Maybe you like it when your significant other shows they’re jealous because you see this as a sign that they love you and are protective of you, but be careful because frequent, excessive, unreasonable jealousy can quickly turn into possessiveness.

In fact, this kind of jealousy is worse than discovering your partner is having an affair since the suspicion alone can destroy everything you’ve built with so much love and effort so far.

5. Being stubborn.

You and your partner have most probably different backgrounds, beliefs, and values in life. So, undeniably, your attitudes towards life will differ as well. Therefore, if you want to make your relationship run smoothly, both of you need to be willing to compromise on a lot of things.

Compromise is an inseparable part of every healthy, meaningful, and successful relationship. However, if you hold on to the ‘my way or the highway’ attitude,  know that this can cause issues in the relationship that are beyond repair.

6. Bickering about banal things.

Of course, always arguing about whose turn it is to go grocery shopping doesn’t seem like something you should be worried about now, but that’s the kind of thing that turns into a great problem over time or even leads to bigger arguments later in the relationship.

You and your partner most probably play different, specific roles in the relationship, and that’s totally fine. However, this doesn’t mean you should always do only your share of work and expect your partner to do only theirs, be that chores or any other everyday, mundane things.

Swapping your responsibilities and helping each other from time to time will definitely not hurt your ego. It’ll only make you appreciate each other more.

7. Manipulating your partner.

Regardless of whether you are the one who is being manipulated or the one who is manipulating the other person, manipulation can often be so tricky that by the time you realize it exists in your relationship, the damage is already done.

Whether you’re giving your partner the silent treatment, guilt-tripping them, lying to them, or emotionally blackmailing them – it doesn’t matter because all these are different forms of manipulation that have no place in a healthy, harmonious, and lasting relationship.

8. Treating your partner with condescension.

Do you consider yourself smarter and better than your significant other? Do you think they’re gullible and ignorant? Well, if you answered both questions with a yes, know that you’re condescending to your partner.

Trying to make yourself smarter and more powerful than  your partner by treating them as your inferior and looking down upon them creates a power imbalance which has absolutely no place in a healthy, meaningful, successful relationship.

Treating your partner with condescension is way worse than cheating because it destroys their self-esteem.  And even if the relationship ends, they still have self-esteem issues.

9. Quietly resenting your partner.

Resentment festers underneath the skin as no other problem does. It usually begins slowly and by the time you express it, the damage is already done. Therefore, you should always tell your partner everything you feel about them.

If they have some habit that really irritates you or makes you feel uncomfortable or if they said or did something that hurt your feelings, don’t keep that inside of you. Instead, put everything out in the open and work together with your partner to fix it and reach a reasonable solution to it.

10. Staying together out of convenience.

When it’s clear that your relationship isn’t working and when you’ve done everything you could to save it, but failed to do so, it’s always better to walk out of it while you still have the chance to break up on good terms than stay in it just because it’s convenient and let things get worse.

It’s always better to break up than stay together with your partner because your families have high expectations of your relationship or because you’ve always hoped that your relationship will last forever.

Staying together out of convenience will only create bitter resentment and lead to more arguments and an inevitable heartbreak.

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.” – Carrie Bradshaw

Maybe we need to be broken into billions of pieces first so as to become whole. Maybe we need to hit rock bottom before we finally succeed in life.

Perhaps we need to experience sheer sadness and despair before we learn what true happiness and inner fulfillment and peace really feel like.

Maybe we need to know how the bitter and sour taste of love feels like before we learn what true, pure, deep, unconditional love means.

Perhaps our heart needs to be broken into countless tiny pieces before we realize how we love and want to be loved.

Undoubtedly, the love that’s painful is the worst kind of love and breakup. It’s the kind of love you were willing to risk everything for only to find out it wasn’t meant for you. It’s the kind of love you thought it would last forever, but it didn’t.

The truth is – when it comes to love, we all make mistakes. It’s unavoidable.

The problem is that when we make a mistake, i.e. choose the wrong partner or get our heart broken, we tend to blame ourselves for it. We tend to wallow in despair and self-pity.

But, what if I tell you there’s no such thing as a mistake? What if I tell you that every mistake you make, no matter how big or small, or how serious or simple, is something you need to achieve your own personal transformation?

Because it’s not through an easy life or moments when we’re happy, free of worries, and enjoying life that we gain wisdom and become stronger and more resilient, but through difficult, painful times. Times when we’re going through breakup and pain and facing problems.

It is when we’re left with our pain, worries, and regrets that we are able to achieve a real transformation of ourselves.

That’s why every failed relationship and every heartbreak you’ve been through was not a mistake. Instead, it was something you needed so as to learn more about your true self – who you are, how you love, what type of man or woman is most suitable for you. You needed it to be able to reach the deepest parts of your soul and connect with yourself.

Therefore, there’s no point in wishing our past relationships had ended differently from the way they did, especially those whose endings were too painful.

No matter how much we wish some love had never ended or ended in a different way, we can’t change the truth: the only reason that love occurred in our life was to break our heart.

We needed to get our heart broken and go through pain so as to prepare ourselves for the love of our life.

The biggest mistake we make in our love lives is staying in a one-sided or toxic relationship – a relationship that we should’ve left the moment it began. If not that, we should have walked out of it long before we did and everything went downhill.

However, we didn’t leave that relationship, and it was not because that love was meant to last forever, but because if it hadn’t been for it, we might have never understood what true love really is.

I guess many of you are wondering why that love had to end catastrophically and break your heart?

That love ended the way it did so as to shake you down to your core and challenge your beliefs about love. It ended that way so as to make you think about what went wrong, help you understand what true love really means, and enable you to transform yourself.

That love hurt you so as to propel you towards the right person for you and the love of your life.

And trust me, when you meet the true love of your life, you will have no questions and doubts about it. When you find the love of your life, you will know why all your relationships failed.

I know how it hurts when your heart is too heavy and your soul is exhausted. I’ve been there myself.

I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted that I became a shadow of the happy, lively girl I once was.

I can’t tell how many times I wondered: “How did I turn into someone I didn’t recognize anymore?” “How did I end up feeling so emotionally drained, confused, and empty?”

I eventually came to the conclusion that you become a girl with a tired soul when you care about everyone around you so much that you forget to care about yourself. When you give your best to make everyone happy while forgetting about your own happiness and peace of mind.

Your soul gets tired when you put other people’s feelings, needs, wishes, and problems on the top of your priority list and you ignore your own. When you always say yes to others for everything, even for things you don’t want to do.

Your soul gets tired when you stop treating yourself with the same amount of kindness, compassion, and respect you treat others. When you give parts of yourself to other people so as to feel whole when your world is falling apart. When you forget to love and appreciate yourself as much as you love and appreciate others.

You end up being a girl with an exhausted soul when you wear a mask and pretend that everything is just okay although deep down you feel like you’re falling apart. When you try to be strong for the people around you. When you smile but your soul is crying on the inside.

Your soul becomes tired when you’re not honest with yourself. When you discard your own feelings and thoughts and you don’t live your life in accordance with your beliefs and principles but with those of others. When you let other people’s opinions of you affect the way you see yourself and determine your worth.

You end up being a girl with an exhausted soul when you let your past heartbreaks, mistakes, and failures become a heavy burden you carry on your shoulders in the present.

Your soul gets tired when you surround yourself with people who are not worthy of your time and attention. People who drain your energy and take your happiness away from you. People who don’t help you in growing.

Your soul becomes tired when you devote your attention and love to people who take you for granted. When you bring out the best in someone who only gives you their worst. When you love and value people who don’t see your value. People who are not worthy of even a second of your time.

It never occurs to you that you need time to recharge your batteries. You need to have alone time to gather your thoughts, think about your opportunities, make plans for your future, and see where you’re currently in life and where you’re headed.

It never crosses your mind that self-love and self-care don’t make you a selfish person. Instead, loving and taking care of yourself shows you understand that you can never truly love and be there for others if you don’t love and aren’t there for yourself first.

And this is how loneliness, sadness, and pain begin to consume you. You keep telling yourself that one day everything will be fine again and that someone will love and cherish you for who you are. Someone will give you back the same amount of kindness, appreciation, and affection you’re giving them.

Gradually you get tired of all the waiting and hoping. Your energy, positivity, and strength begin to run out. You begin to feel like you lack strength both to smile and cry. You lose track of yourself.

Yes, I know exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re going through now. I once felt exactly the same way. I felt like I was losing track of myself too. 

I thought I was never going to feel happy, fulfilled, and whole again until I decided to heal my tired soul.

I was aware it wasn’t going to be an easy journey, but I was determined to make it work and cure my tired soul.

This is what I did and I sincerely hope it’ll help you as well:

1. Remember that your soul is still alive.

Yes, your soul is tired, but it’s still alive – never forget that. That’s why you need to stop pretending that you’re living your life and actually start living it. It’s time for you to get out of bed, pull up the window blinds, and let the sunshine in.

It’s time for you to start enjoying each new day and opportunity life offers you. It’s time for you to start doing the things that bring you true happiness and satisfaction and gain new experiences. It’s time for you to live life to the fullest.

2. Make yourself your number one priority.

If you keep taking care of others and investing all your energy and time in others without doing the same thing for you, you’ll never succeed in healing your tired soul.

You have to learn how to treat yourself with kindness, compassion, love, and dignity. You have to learn how to listen to your own thoughts, recognize and accept your own feelings, and take care of your own needs, wishes, and problems.

Just treat yourself exactly the same way you want others to treat you. When you treat yourself with love and respect, the rest will just follow the example.

3. Surround yourself with good people.

Surround yourself with people who truly deserve your time and love. People who fill you with happiness and positive energy and give you a sense of peace. People who have proved worthy of your trust and you know you can always rely on. People who genuinely care about you and want the best for you.

Keep such people close to you and leave all those manipulative, phony, shallow, toxic people in your past. You don’t need them in your life. They are just standing in the way to your happiness and success.

4. Stop fearing change – embrace it.

You’re used to making others happy. Well, it’s time you did the same for yourself too.

So, make sure you use every chance to do something new. There’s plenty of things you can do, such as: going hiking in the mountains; cycling; going to the movies, theater, gallery, or museum; meeting new people; visiting a country you’ve never been to; learning a new language; going to the spa, and the list goes on.

Whatever you choose to do, always remember to take time for and pamper yourself. You deserve it.

5. It’s not your job to make others happy.

Of course, you will help and be there for others, but only when you can. You will give your help and support to others without this being at your own expense.

You see, by being always there for other people, you teach them that they can always rely on you. They become comfortable depending on your help and support. They expect you to carry their own burden.

But, you need to remember that you have your own life to live, your own worries, insecurities, and problems to take care of, and your own voids to fill. Only you can mend your own soul and achieve your happiness. No one can do that for you, so there’s no reason why you should be always trying to do the same for others.

6. Heal your spirit.

Whether it’s doing meditation exercises, praying, talking to a therapist, spiritual advisor, or close friend, or just spending time and relaxing in nature, it doesn’t matter. Just find out what activities make you feel peaceful and calm and make sure you practice them.

Forgiveness is liberating. It’s liberating yourself from the burden of pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment. But when you have been wounded so much that you think you are never going to heal and when you have been hurt so much and so deeply, forgiving the person who hurt you seems impossible.  

Frankly, I have never been a vengeful type of person. Even when I was hurt, I’d always try to justify the person who hurt me and find the reasons why they did to me what they did. I’d always do my best to forgive them and let it go.

But I stopped being that person when you came along.

When you entered my life, I felt like someone has poured poison into my soul. I felt like someone has imprisoned me in a dark hole with a no way out.

When you entered my life, you changed the way I perceived the people surrounding me. With your excellent acting skills and manipulation techniques, you managed to distort the way I saw myself as well. You managed to destroy my faith in the goodness of people.

When you entered my life, you made me become a different person. And that’s fine because I’ve learned to live with and love that new person – the new me.

However, there’s one thing I find it impossible to accept: you destroyed my ability to forgive others.

Why?

Because what you put me through deserves no forgiveness.

You hurt me deeply. You broke every part of me. You inflicted deep wounds on my heart, mind, and soul.

I gave you everything I had. I gave you my heart. I gave you myself.  But nothing of this was important to you.

You broke me and scarred me for life.

I went through hell and back for you. And it’s no wonder since that’s what you turned our relationship into – a living hell. Torture.

Of course, I have to be honest and I’ll admit that we had good moments in our relationship. But all the misery and pain you put me through simply annulled everything good that ever happened between you and me.

That’s why I only remember the awful stuff now.

I remember the stress, the sadness, the tears, the anguish. I remember the frustration, the anger, the pain. I remember your jealousy and insatiable need to control me. I remember the humiliation and all the games you played to manipulate me.

I remember you asking for my attention, love, and praise while not giving anything in return.

I remember all the times I prayed that you’d change. I remember all the times I felt helpless and desperate.

I remember all the nights I spent crying for all the bad words you would say to me. I remember all the times I hoped that what I was going through was just a nightmare that would be over soon. But it wasn’t. It was my harsh reality.

Do you know what else I remember?

I remember you walking out on me. I remember you leaving me without turning back to see how you left me – brokenhearted, hopeless, and ruined.

I remember you putting me in your past without feeling any shame or guilt.

I remember that it was YOU who left me after making my life a living hell. It was you who walked out on me after selfishly taking my heart and soul with you, leaving me with nothing.

I remember the sadness I saw in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror.

And I remember, too, that I sometimes yearned for you to come back, even though I knew that would hurt me even more.

Because that’s the truth – you hurt me. You hurt me a lot.

Although I’m gradually healing my wounds and I no longer carry resentment and bitterness in my heart, I can’t change the past. I can’t just forget about what you did to me.

That’s why I can’t say: “I forgive you.”

I’m sorry but I can’t forgive you and pretend that nothing happened. I can’t pretend you didn’t break my heart and wrapped my world in darkness.

I can’t pretend you didn’t hurt me.

I can’t say: “I wish you all the best.” Because, really, I don’t.

I don’t want you to move on with your life as if nothing ever happened.

I want you to always remember that there is a person out there whose heart you broke into thousands of tiny pieces.

I hope the guilt for what you did to me haunts you forever. I hope you feel the same sadness, despair, agony, and pain I felt. I hope you go through everything you put me through.

I hope someone out there as cruel as you are steals your heart so that you feel how much it hurts when the person you’ve given a special place in your heart and loved more than yourself spits on your love.

I know many will say I’m mean and vengeful, but, honestly, I don’t care. Because only the person who has been taken for granted and betrayed by someone whom they truly loved and fully committed to knows how it feels like to be hurt to the bones.