When depression or anxiety holds the grip on you, your children can feel it, but they can’t understand it. It’s natural for them not to be able to understand something so complex, but it affects them nevertheless.

It’s your job as a parent to make sure that your children don’t suffer unnecessarily, and helping them to understand your situation is the best way to do that.

However, this is not an easy challenge too often. Explaining your child that you are suffering from something they can’t comprehend so easily, especially at immature age, is not an easy task. So, the best way many parents cope with the situation is they turn a blind ear to their children’s questions.

In these cases, parents usually deny any of those feelings that their child notices and change the subject. This way, however, the child can get the wrong picture. They may think that it’s their fault that the parent is feeling sad, depressed, or stressed out.

This in turn causes irritability, feeling of rejection, and even hate toward something that the child cannot understand – especially if you become that something in physical manifestation. Being open about the problem should not skip the most important ones in your life – your children.

So, how to walk this thin string, where your child is neither frightened and worried about you, nor feels guilty and rejected?

Tracey Starr is a Canadian writer and editor, and mother to a five-year-old daughter. She is also a parent who deals with depression and anxiety daily, and she has some words to say about dealing with this delicate situation.

In a telephone interview with Global News, she revealed that she had been dealing with depression since she her teenage years in high school, and had been diagnosed with anxiety in her thirties. In other words, she knows this feeling all too well.

However, what she does differently from many parents is that she doesn’t leave her child out of the part of being open about her illness.

Depression and anxiety are things Starr talks to her child about. She doesn’t want her child to see them as a cause of weakness and vulnerability, but as things that require one to be a fighter.

“If she sees me sad, she’ll ask why I’m crying,” said Starr. “And I’ll say, ‘Sometimes it’s hard for mommy to relax and put a smile on my face but I’m doing my best like I ask for you to do your best.’”

And although she doesn’t use the word ‘depression’ explicitly, as she doesn’t want to frighten her child, she does explain to her in a narrative that she would understand.

Doctors agree that Starr’s method is one of the best ways to communicate the problem with a child. However, they also note that not all ages are right for such information.

When is the best time to share about your condition with your child?

Dr. Jillian Roberts, a registered child and adolescent psychologist, says that the age, the circumstances, and the maturity of the child should be taken into consideration when parents tell their children about their problems.

She notes some distinct factors that play an important role in deciding what and how much to tell your child about yourself.

The maturity and the circumstances of the child play the key role in deciding what to share with your child about your problem.

Roberts explains that “a mature child who doesn’t have any major stresses could handle more information than a child who is slow to develop when it comes to maturity, or going through a crisis of their own.”

The age of the child is another thing that dictates the amount of information you should share. The younger the child, the less you should tell them about what is happening to you. Roberts exemplifies that a child in preschool or younger wouldn’t often need to know the condition the parent is going through.

Roberts adds that he younger the child is, the less stress they should experience, so until they become older, you will need to surround yourself with as much support as you possibly can.

Most importantly, doctors point to some ways you can tell your child about your condition.

Before going there, Roberts notes a very important thing: whatever way you use of telling your child that you don’t feel well, you need to stress that it’s not their fault in any way, and explain that you are getting all help you can get.

Starr also reassures her child.

“I say, ‘Mommy loves you, mommy is fine. Mommy just needs a moment but everything will be ok,” said Starr. “I say that to make sure she knows everything will be ok; I need to be her example. I don’t want to frighten her — I want to educate her.”

You can tell your child the way Starr does, speak to your child about your feelings and telling them that you are coping with the situation – show them the strength in all of that.

Using an analogy of a physical illness is what Dr. Shimi Kang, an adult and youth psychiatrist, points as a great method to explain to your child about mental illness. For example, just like asthma can get worse in the wintertime, so you can feel better or worse during certain circumstances.

With older children, giving them some power and discussing with them about what they’ve noticed about you is another thing Kang points as a good approach.

Whatever the approach, Kang stresses out the fact that your role as a parent is to teach them all the time. If they don’t understand, you shouldn’t take it personally. “Just teach them. Just like math – teach them about it,” says Kang.

Dr. Oren Amitay, a Toronto-based registered psychologist, suggest another way of telling them is by comparing your situation to that of celebrities your child may idolize or look up to. Saying that ‘so and so’ has that problem too shows them that even powerful people can have such problems.

Amitay says this approach is a great way for parents to be a role model to their children. She also stresses that it’s important to always remind your child that your illness isn’t happening because of them and that there’s nothing wrong with them that causes you to feel that way. 

Whatever approach you use to open up to your child, you should always be aware that a mental illness is just as important as any other physical illness. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, know that you shouldn’t feel shame about it and getting support is important.

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One of the characteristics of being an empath is that they’re feeling a lot more than common people do, no matter how sensitive and emotional we think we are. Often, being alone is more relaxing than being with someone for an empath.

The reason for that lies in the energy people are transferring to empaths. All the negative emotions and thoughts transferred to the other can drain their energy and be exhausting for them.

Not many people are aware that they’re transferring their negative and positive vibes to the others. In the case of an empath, they receive every feeling and thought, bad or good. Imagine an empath in a room full of people.

The chances that there is someone feeling down around them are high. The chances that the empath will feel the same feelings afterwards are as high.

Everyone has negative thoughts and emotions sometimes. Usually, we process those emotions and let go of them during the day. If we don’t do that, we experience mind hyperactivity during the night.

You know those nights when you just can’t fall asleep no matter how tired you feel? This feeling can be dreadful and tiring, especially when you don’t know how to get rid of it.

The result of it is emotional and physical fatigue. We need time to recharge the batteries after an experience like this. We need a restart button.

Emotions and thoughts caused by past experiences can cause feelings such as anxiety, uneasiness, fear and even panic.

These feelings make our brain think that we are under threat, so the brain activates in order to help us by sending signals for hormone production. This results in an increase of the energy levels.

If we have other sources of stress and anxiety at the moment, it only increases the hormone release and makes everything worse.

When our body is under stress, the adrenal glands release hormones to save us from the danger the brain thinks we are in. These hormones help us deal with the challenges we are facing.

The problem occurs when these adrenal glands are stimulated extensively. Then, they produce a lot of energy and we have problems with our sleep because we feel hyperactive. This can be harmful for the glands and cause them to burn out.

Malfunction of the adrenal glands causes lack of energy and in an attempt to solve this, we consume food that contains high level of refined sugar and salt.

However, although these types of food give us instant energy, they don’t work long-term. And then, you crave for more and more and you’re left with low energy and hungry.

But, why do we crave for junk food when our energy levels are low? It turns out our body knows that we need sugar or salt. The problem is in the type of sugar and salt we take.

The refined sugar and salt that can be found in the processed food do not provide us with sufficient energy. Instead, natural sources of sugar and salt give a lot of energy and replenish the adrenal glands.

Apart from refined sugars and salts, coffee seems to be our savior when we want to stop feeling exhausted. The problem with coffee is that it can just worsen the situation by irritating the adrenal glands.

This results in energy imbalance throughout the day. Instead of feeling energized, we end up feeling more exhausted and not ready to face stressful situations because of the malfunction of our adrenal glands.

All of these problems can be solved with positive attitude, active lifestyle and healthy food choices. Sleep is an important factor here because when we sleep, the hormone release by the adrenal glands grows.

That’s why we feel refreshed and replenished in the morning. On the other hand, when our adrenal glands are exhausted, especially during stressful periods, one can wake up in the middle of the night or have difficulties to fall asleep.

Fully repairing the adrenal glands can take some time, but it’s not something anyone can’t do. Have in mind that some changes can be noticed immediately. Very soon, you will start to feel more energized and more positive.

Your sleep will improve and you will get more things done during the day as a result. Experts recommend having nutritional diet and eating organic food.

Improving the work of the adrenal glands can also be helped by meditation, since it helps us stay calm and relax.

Other activities that can be positive are also spending time with loved ones and doing enjoyable things, such watching a favorite movie or riding bicycle in nature.

When we are happy, our body is also happy and everything in it is balanced, including the adrenal glands.

One has to be careful about overdoing anything, even when it comes to exercising and dieting. Overdoing it can cause stress, which can have negative effect at the end.

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You may have asked yourself what has gone so wrong for you to end up in a mess. It’s true, you haven’t done anything wrong to anybody to deserve such chaos in your life. You know it, and still think that it must be something wrong you have caused that lead you to this situation.

Well the answer doesn’t lie there. Stop blaming your ‘possible’ outward-directed behavior and ask yourself how much you have affected (and harmed) yourself to get dragged there ‘so instantly’.

And this is not something that you would even think is a choice, as you are not aware of the broad effect one habit of yours can have on your whole life.

That one habit might as well be responsible for the situation you are currently in, and we all are. There is not a single person in the world who is not facing the same challenge as you are facing. But the fact that ‘you are not alone’ doesn’t change the reality you are coping with.

That habit is your comfort zone creating wizard that turns on too often, and won’t turn off so easily. Everything we do in life is connected to creating a sort of ‘comfort’ zone. Really, in many cases ‘being comfortable’ with something, doesn’t necessarily make it comfortable by nature.

In fact, that ‘comfort’ you have created is only an adaptation to the environment that conditions you to ‘cope with it’ and many other things.

The comfort zone is your worst enemy when it comes to personal growth. And where there’s no growth (and it’s needed), there is usually a problem – a rot.

If you simply look at all the nature around you, everything living evolves and grows. Every animal naturally changes the location if the circumstances don’t allow for a fertile life, or they go extinct.

If you don’t get out of the comfort zone you have created out of an unhealthy environment, you will also go (figuratively speaking) extinct.

Imagine you are sitting on a surface that’s heated just high enough for you to endure the pain. You will eventually get used to it, of course.

But where there’s pain, there’s an indicator that something’s not right. So, the heat will start burning out your skin and get you in serious trouble.

This analogy is not something you should disregard, as it’s just too real. The circumstances will always try to put you in a mode of accepting harm.

Well, it’s really you who put yourself in that mode. And with this, you are creating a cage full of needles around you and you eventually become numb to the feeling that gives off warnings.

Loving yourself means accepting that in many cases, changes are needed. It’s really changes that keep us going as a species. Otherwise, we would have died off a long time ago. You haven’t affected anything on the outside, and you think you haven’t done any harm.

The truth is that you have done the greatest harm you could – and you did it onto yourself.

Well if that doesn’t matter, then how much love have you given to yourself? Loving yourself means being brave enough to jump out of the false comfort zones that lead you to start rotting.

Every circumstance leads to a stale environment, because it’s just that – an environment.

You are the most mobile guest in that room full of things you don’t have control over. The reality is that the only thing you will ever have the chance to have control over IS YOU. Loving yourself means accepting and understanding the comfort zone and finally letting go.

So love yourself and get the heck out of that comfort zone that has started driving you crazy and lose touch with your real self.

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