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To The Man Whose Wife Or Partner Is Struggling With Anxiety – She Is Not Broken


You might have first found out that your wife or girlfriend is struggling with anxiety when she was diagnosed with it by her doctor. You might have found out about her condition when you noticed her getting frustrated and angry many times and you wondered where all this anger came from.

However, whether you have noticed this by yourself or she’s told you, there are some important things you should know.

First of all, know that she’s been most likely struggling with this mental condition for some time before she eventually allowed you a glimpse of her secret, and it wasn’t easy at all for her to do that.

Then, know that anxiety is not predictable and consistent. While in most cases it manifests itself physically, oftentimes it can lie hidden in a person’s mind and body and lurk behind their habits and behaviors.

That’s why you can often misinterpret your wife or girlfriend’s behavior. When she snaps at you, you might think she’s mad at you, but know that it is her anxiety that makes her do that. When she’s not having fun when you two are in a restaurant or club, you might think that this is your fault, but you’re wrong. It’s her anxiety that prevents her from enjoying herself.

When you’re in a relationship with or married to a woman who has anxiety, you need to understand that anxiety is her harsh reality. Her anxiety is like a monster hanging around her neck.

Her anxiety is a heavy burden that she has to carry on her shoulders every single day. A burden that sometimes gets lighter, but it never goes away completely.

She’s a prisoner to this awful mental condition and she wants to escape from it, but she can’t. She wants to stop listening to that ugly voice in her head that makes her feel worried and insecure all the time, but she can’t.

Because her anxiety was not her choice. Because this awful monster always turns out to be stronger than her, no matter how hard she tries to fight it and defeat it. Because her anxiety has a firm, powerful hold over her.

Only when you understand these things, will you be able to understand, too, why your partner behaves the way she behaves. You’ll be able to understand why she often feels worried, stressed out, angry, or afraid. Why she often has a pensive look on her face. Why she often sits on the couch and quietly stares into the distance with fear in her eyes.

Because her anxiety makes her brain always work. It never leaves it to rest. There’s not a day that passes by without her thinking. She analyzes and thinks about everything.

Her mind is constantly busy creating the worst case scenarios. She worries that something bad will happen. She even worries about things that she can’t control like car accidents, kidnappings, earthquakes, or plane crashes. That’s why she’s often scared to leave her home and go out alone.

That’s why when she’s not with you, she calls or texts you a thousand times telling you where she is, what she’s doing, and expecting you to assure her that nothing bad will happen.

That’s why she always tells you what’s going on in her mind. She tells you about her fears and worries that weigh her down and prevent her from enjoying all the beautiful things she has in her life. She tells you about all her unreasonable, frustrating, negative thoughts that prevent her from enjoying life.

I want you to know that I understand this is hard for you. In fact, she knows this too. She knows her condition is as exhausting, frustrating, and debilitating for you as it is for her.  

She knows what her anxiety puts you through. She understands that it’s as hard for you to fight her anxiety as it is for her.

That’s why she sometimes wonders why you are with her. She wonders if you wish you were with a woman who didn’t struggle with this monster.

She knows that her anxiety worries and drains you as much as it worries and drains her. That’s why she apologizes to you a million times for all her emotional outbursts and moments of weakness.

That’s why she often wishes you could spend one day living with her anxious thoughts so that you could better understand what she’s going through, although she knows you’re trying the best you can.

She understands all this is hard for you and that you want to fix her, but she is not broken.

What you can do is help her go through this condition more easily. Find out what makes her feel worried, afraid, and angry. If noisy, crowded places stress her out, don’t insist she go to every party or any other social gathering that you attend.

Don’t get mad at her for missing a party or an appointment, or whatever. She wanted to go with you, but her anxiety prevented her.

Last but not least, I want you to know that she doesn’t want her mental condition to define and shape your relationship. She doesn’t want you to think her anxiety is who she is. And the only way you can let her know that you’ll never let her anxiety define your relationship is by showing understanding of her and being patient with her.

Be there for her and show you’re happy for her on days when she feels like she is in control of her condition.

Be there for her and hold her hand on days when her anxiety reaches its peak and tell her everything will be okay.

Be patient, kind, and loving with her and let her know she didn’t make a mistake choosing you.