Too good to be true much? Yes, this is what you are thinking when you are in a new relationship and everything is turning up roses. So far so good, but that shipwreck is just around the corner, you think. He is so nice, kind, and affectionate. You are just 100% sure it will all blow in your face because according to prior experience, the men you date tend to disappoint you.
Overthinking has never felt more burdensome. You do not fully trust this guy, it’s only natural. You overthink his words, his actions, and you overthink your own behavior when you are around him. It all just seems shady and you cannot fully let yourself enjoy – your thoughts are running like crazy.
You try to push him away. After that good old overthinking, pushing away comes next. You try to figure what’s his deal; you try to figure him out, but you can’t, so you push him away. It’s out of your familiar zone, it feels shady, so you try to set your distance thinking being single is better.
You expect a lot of fighting. You expect to get into a lot of fights and you expect him to care about his wants and needs only. You hit a slight disagreement and you think he will walk away, but he stays to discuss instead. He is willing to talk things through and he is patient.
You apologize way too much. You rarely disagree or fight, and when you do, it’s not toxic. You solve your issues with talking, and because he is so patient and kind, and everything runs so smoothly, you think you have to overcompensate and apologize too frequently because you don’t know what else to do. This smoothness of flow is new to you. You may even think you do not deserve him because he is too perfect and you just make things difficult with your insecurities, so you think that maybe he is better off without you. Nonetheless, he sticks around.
You understand what true love means. Finally, out of nowhere, it hits you. Yes! After the overcompensating, the insecurities, the doomsday expectations, and whatnot, you realize that you are great together and you can withstand anything because there is love and mutual understanding. You open your eyes and you see what’s been standing in front of you the whole time. It hits you that maybe things won’t go downhill because you have the right person next to you. Because you are dating for a while now and none of those scenarios you played in your head came to light. You finally realize the toxicity will not come by again because there isn’t one to begin with. So you loosen up.
With this guy, you learn to make the difference between love and control. You feel how he healed your soul and made you laugh again. You learned things can be talked out – there is no need for any silent treatments, ghosting, or yelling. It’s just running smoothly, and you feel empowered. You finally see that you have something valuable next to you and that realization is like a breath of fresh air because you can finally let go of all the overthinking. There are no games. No hidden or deleted messages. You rebuild yourself and you love again fearlessly because you finally understand that you are in a healthy relationship.
Nora Connel is a devoted writer with a BA in English Language and Literature. Her interests span around psychology, human relationships, and the inner self. She believes that writing has healing powers.
