Upon meeting someone for the first time, be it in the workplace or at a causal gathering, we cannot know their personality traits straight away. This is why it takes time to get to know someone.

Most of the time this is a hard thing to uncover because the majority of people never show their true nature in the beginning. Most of us want to represent ourselves in the best light possible and therefore only let our positive traits shine.

This is probably due to the fact that we want to seem more attractive and likeable to others upon our first meeting, because as we have been told, first impressions tend to last. There is no second chance for first impressions.

We are often inclined to ask ourselves if the person we are dealing with is even worth our time, since we know so little about them. Thus, how can we determine if spending time with someone will have a fruitful outcome?

Unfortunately, there is no real way to find out at the very beginning, which means we must take the risk.

According to a new study led by the University of Nebraska, there is one specific question you can ask to reveal one’s complete personality, and that is what they think about someone else.

That’s right – asking someone to give you an opinion of another person may be just the thing you need to find out who they are.

Psychology Professor Dustin Wood from Wake Forest University stated that our perceptions of others, or how we view them, depends on how we view ourselves. Therefore, if we think positively of ourselves, this will also reflect how we see others.

Depending on how happy you are on your own will determine how others perceive your personality as well. If you think optimistically of yourself, this will reflect in your behavior and others will pick up the positive vibes.

The opposite is also true. If you are constantly putting yourself down and thinking negatively, this is how others will perceive you, as the vibes you send will be negative. People tend to stay away from such individuals.

Apart from the typical positive-negative outlooks, there are also extremes such as narcissism and self-absorbency. These type of people are mostly self-critical and hypocritical at the same time, which inflict negative emotions onto others.

Professor Wood illustrates:

We as individuals tend to mirror our emotions onto others and therefore can identify many traits within them that we contain. Oftentimes, when we discover something irritating in another person, it is usually a characteristic we dislike about ourselves.

Therefore, the next time you want to learn more about a person, listen to them speaking about someone else. They may in fact be describing themselves.

.

When it comes to telling the truth, almost all people have very difficult moment of “moral awareness”- to lie or not to lie? But unfortunately there are people who base their whole lives around small and big lies and spread their web of lies far beyond their ability to control the consequences from it.

And these consequences at the end might be very painful for the one who has believed in them, and for the one lying. So for a peaceful way of living it is of utmost importance to learn how to tell when someone is lying to you.

Here are some advices that one should take into consideration if you don’t want to fall as a pray into that kind of web.

When you start to examine a person you suspect of lying, very useful tip is to know how that person acts in their normal, everyday life.

And then you should pay attention to these signals that sometimes can be very subtle:

1.Pause

When someone is lying and you do catch them off-guard immediately after they have done the deed, they tend to pause a lot. By doing this they buy themselves some time to think and make up a story that is fairly believable. So watch for pauses, if they haven’t had any time to make up something they’ll do this a lot.

2. Give less detail

This particularly happens when someone wants to take the fault for someone else’s doing. If they haven’t done it they will give less details, or the details they give will not be consistent with the deed. But this also goes for someone who is not very creative and imaginative, thus he cannot make up a convincing story in the amount of time they had to prepare themselves for the lie.

3. Give more details

This is also an important sign of someone lying, especially if they had enough time to think about it. Their story is so convincing that they can even back it up with facts that you cannot deny. But if you know that this person normally wouldn’t pay much attention to places, names and so much details, this might just trigger the “lie alarm”.

4. Trouble backtracking

This is very interesting way to catch a liar. Usually a liar cannot tell the story backwards. When someone is having the intention of lying to you and the time to figure out a convincing story, they usually concentrate on the exact event sequences and the time consistency of those events until the point when you meet and they come to you very prepared. But the catch here is that they cannot repeat the story if you ask them to start with the last thing they did and go backwards, all the way until say, leaving the office. Simple, they were so focused on “how” it all began that they forget that you cannot forge the “why” in a lie.

5. Inconsistence

This especially happens if the one you suspect of lying becomes very comfortable when you leave them they thinking they are safe and you’ve stopped questioning and it the moment when you repeat the question or ask them to repeat a specific detail mentioned once before, they will not answer it at all or they would tell another quick lie different from the previous one.

6. Eye contact

This one is tricky because a trained or pathological liar will lie to you while he watches you directly in the eyes. But usually when someone is lying they do not make eye contact, it is the first sign of shame. They cannot look up into your eyes, because as it is said, the eyes are doors to the Soul and a liar doesn’t want to be looked at their Soul. They are too much embarrassed, because they do know what they are doing.

7. They protest too much or change the subject

When someone doesn’t want you to know the truth they protest too much, they yell at you, say that you don’t believe them whatever they say, or most commonly they tend to put all the blame on you.

8. Ask the unexpected

Usually you can catch a liar very quickly if you play a mind games like asking different questions that has nothing to do with the story, but with the one who’s lying.

You see, when you ask where they were and they start talking like reading a script, just ask a simple question that pops into your mind, change the subject a little, talk a moment about you and suddenly ask them to continue, than ask them to repeat what they have previously said. Here is the moment they lose themselves in their own game.

9. Look for insincere emotions

With the words one can temper, but not with the emotions and feelings. If you pay attention to the body language and the eyes, you can very easily read all of their emotions. So trust what you see in the eyes, trust what is written upon the face when someone speaks to you.

10. Trust your gut-feeling

Putting aside all the event consistencies, all beautiful and convincing storytelling, you must always trust your gut-feeling or intuition. Your heart will never lie to you. Thus trust your Self what is telling you and give yourself some time to find out if your intuition was true.

There are times that we cannot bare the truth, so we go along with the lies we hear and pretend that all is well. But this fake calmness never lasts long, even on our last day we shall say to the one, that we knew all along.

.

Friendships take time to develop, and they do at a very natural, spontaneous pace. In fact, if you look at some of your friendships, you will have no idea how they got so strong.

However, sometimes you may want to speed up that process or strengthen your already existing friendships. As long as this has a positive aim, mindfully using some of the tricks we’ll discuss means creating a healthy bond.

To help you out, we have compiled a list of 11 scientifically proven strategies that will get people to like you more. 

1. Copy their behavior
   

Also known as mirroring, this strategy involves subtly mimicking other’s behavior. Some empaths have a difficult time not to do this, although they are doing it unconsciously.

The trick is to copy the other person’s body language, gestures and facial expressions. This way they are more likely to see themselves in you and thus feel more related to you. Be careful not to look phony, though.

A 1999 New York University study has named this the ‘chameleon effect’, where people unconsciously mimic each other’s behavior. The results of the study showed that the participants felt a greater bond with those who mimicked their movements and behavior.

2. Be more physically present in their lives
   

People like things they are more familiar with. This effect is known as the mere exposure effect.

Being around a person more will make that person automatically like you more. This is why you should make efforts to see that person on a regular basis and, with that, create a subconscious bond.

In fact, MIT researchers and another University of Pittsburgh study show that the frequency of a physical presence of a person attributes to a greater affinity towards that same person.

3. Compliments and positive words about other people
   

The phenomenon called spontaneous trait transference means that the adjectives you use to describe other people are going to be the same ones people start associating with you.

This means that if you decide to describe people using positive words and adjectives, those same qualities will be spontaneously ascribed to you by those listening. So, if you tell that a person is kind and genuine, the listener will start associating those same traits with you.The same goes with negative adjectives. Talking negatively about people behind their backs will eventually backfire. The listener will simply start associating those negative traits with you.

A study published by the American Psychological Association notes that this transference is very influential in the way people see you. In fact, the effect occurred even when the participants knew that some traits didn’t describe the people it was talked about.

4. Be in a contagiously good mood
   

If you want others to feel great in your presence, make sure to communicate positive emotions. This is what is called emotional contagion and it means that people unconsciously start to feel the emotions that you are experiencing.

So, when hanging out with people, make sure you communicate positive emotions. Next time these people think of you, they will associate that positive emotion they experienced with you.

The same goes with negative emotions, so be careful of what kind of effect you wish to create in the mind of the other person.

5. Befriend their friends
   

This has been a very well-known fact: The friends of your friends are automatically your friends too. It’s just a question in time when you meet them in person.

The effect called triadic closure points to the fact that you are more likely to be closer to a person when you have a common friend with them.

The social media gravitates mainly around this phenomenon. Students at the University of British Columbia have found that you are 20% likely to accept a friend request from a person with no mutual friends, compared to the 80% likeliness when that same person has more than 11 mutual friends.

6. Compliment others in moderation
   

The amount and frequency of compliments is a key factor in determining whether the other person will like you more or less. This is what the gain-loss theory of interpersonal attractiveness suggests.

In an experiment done in 1965, it was discovered that people liked others best when they heard comments about them going from negative to positive. The most negative reactions came when the comments went from positive to negative.

This means that although you don’t have to start off with negative comments, don’t spoil the other person with compliments from the very start. Give compliments with moderation and don’t be shy to give positive criticism.

7. Warmth and competence
   

Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy has found that people judge others from first look based on two questions.

The question ‘Can I trust this person?’ correlates to the warmth of that person, whereas the question ‘Can I respect this person?’ correlates to the competence of that same person.

The stereotype content model is a theory which states that people instantly judge others on the basis of warmth and competence.

What’s important is that you should always be warm towards people, as the trust the other person can gain towards you is very important. You should then show your competence and give them a reason to respect you.

If you try to go the other way around, the whole thing may backfire. Cuddy says that competence is only evaluated after trust is established.

8. Feel free to reveal your flaws now and then
   

The pratfall effect shows that people will like you more after you make an innocent mistake. This likeability comes as a response to you acting naturally and not being ‘all-perfect’, as nobody is.

In an experiment, it was shown that people feel more attracted to a superior person if they commit a clumsy mistake. This mistake makes them more human, and thus more attractive to the other people.

9. Find and emphasize shared values
   

A study by Theodore Newcomb showed that people are more likely to feel closer to one another if they have shared values and attitudes about certain topics. This effect is known as the similarity-attraction effect.

So, when you want to get friendly with someone, try to spot common values and emphasize them. They will be the ones that fuel up your friendship and communication.

10. Physical contact is important
    

Casually touching people creates closeness. It is also known as subliminal touching, which happens when you unconsciously touch a person by their arm, shoulder or when you tap their back.

Studies have shown that subliminal touching increase the quality of communication between people and the chances of a person to be put higher on the ‘like’ scale.

Such experiment was the University of Mississippi and Rhodes College experiment, which showed that waitresses would always receive bigger tips if they touched the customers on the hand or shoulder when they were returning their change.

11. Smile – as often and as frequently

A study showed that smiling when you meet someone ensures that the person remembers you later.

Smiling creates a positive picture about yourself in the eyes of others and you are more likely to be remembered and associated with that positive picture in the future.

Please Share

.

We often hear about our grandparents’ unbelievable stories about the times when they were young and how strict rules used to be and how they didn’t have anything material or over the top cell phone or expensive racing cars, and somehow they turned out to be just perfect.

Only children who don’t have any brothers or sisters are known to be spoilt. An adjective given to people who are accustomed to receive any material thing that they will imagine and at the top of it, they don’t know how to share anything or they are not used to the word NO.

However, nowadays parents get offended if you even dare to call their kid spoilt. That’s the biggest offend to a parent and God forbid if you give them advice, not to shut up their child with expensive toys.

But, it seems easier to buy that dinosaur or expensive toy car, rather than explaining to your child that he/she doesn’t need that toy because he/she already has so many of them.

However, raising a child in that manner when you explain everything requires a lot of time and patience and sometimes, we don’t have the time, or the energy to lecture our kids.

We are working so much, we barely see our kids and at the end of the day, we only want to make our kids happy, even if that means something expensive.

We often see teenagers spending most of their time on their expensive cell phones or wearing over-the-top clothes and parents who rarely see them because they are killing themselves, working double shifts just to provide anything their little baby desires. 

We try to buy the love of our kids just with the excuse that we love our child so much and we don’t want them to feel left out.

However, it seems that too much love can’t truly kill you. We often forget that material possessions can spoil our children and even mislead them from the true path, the path of real values and appreciation.

Buying your kids everything their heart desires can only lead to one thing, making them more and more greedy for material things and what is most important, making them dependent on things they think they really need and don’t really deserve them.

Finding the time to explain the value of money and the importance of money to your child will be of great help in their development.

Children must understand that money don’t grow on trees, that you and your partner are working extremely hard to provide the best for him/her and that sometimes, they can’t get everything their heart desires, simply because they truly don’t need it.

If you as a parent, had difficult childhood or couldn’t afford everything when you were young, don’t try to compensate by buying every single toy in the store and make yourself believe that your kid is the luckiest kid on Earth, because he/she is able to possess all of the things you’ve once dreamed of.

No, on the contrary, your kid is not the luckiest kid on Earth, but the most spoiled one.

Sadly, the latest generations are full with children whose parents are somehow competing in who will buy the most expensive school bag or the latest cell phone for their child and now, we forgot the term “spoilt” because nowadays, kids who can’t brag with their material possessions are the school outcast, the “weird” ones.

Parents, don’t kill your kids with too much “love”, because remember that no money can buy the happiness in your family.

Instead of buying them expensive possessions or toys to shut them up, communicate with your children, explain to them that one day they will make enough money for themselves if they work hard.

At the end of the day, your kid may be furious at you or even say he/she hates you, just because you haven’t bought them that ridiculously expensive jacket, but one day they will thank you because they will be mature enough to realize that everything that you and your partner have done for them was for their own good.

Don’t feel like a bad parent simply because you can’t afford yourself to buy expensive things for your child and most importantly, don’t feel like you have to buy something for your child simply because everyone has it.

If you believe that something is not worth having it for your child, then don’t buy it. Learn to say NO to your child, no matter how hard or difficult it is to do it. Your kid will thank you one day and there’s nothing more precious than that.

Please Share

.