The INFJ personality type comes with many conflicting traits that make the person seem very complicated at times.

INFJ is a personality type defined by the Myers-Briggs classification of personalities. One can say that this personality type is indeed rare, as it brings some strong qualities which may seem opposite from one another.

INFJ stands for Introversion + Intuition + Feeling + Judging and Myers and Briggs describe these people as people who “seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions.”

These people are insightful about others, and they want to understand what motivates them. They are conscientious and committed to their firm values, and they develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. INFJ people are organized and decisive in implementing their vision. (Source: The Myers-Briggs Foundation)

However, this set of traits comes with a complex personality which many fail to understand. Even IFNJs cannot define themselves completely and clearly, as there are so many contradicting things about their nature.

Here are the seven most puzzling aspects of their personality. If you are an INFJ, we are sure you would agree.

Loners who desperately want to be with people

INFJs are introverted, being primarily focused on what is happening inside of them. This makes them the perfect match for a loner. However, being also feeling, they do focus on the connections and the feelings they get from other people.

The feeling trait is what makes them want to bond with people and truly experience genuine relationships. This creates an individual who does want to spend their alone time but is also in need of warmth and sensitivity they want to share with others.

Being with an INFJ, you will notice how they wish to lead an introverted life, which, although very private, they crave to share with someone who will express their emotions wholly and truly understand their feelings.

Sometimes they will disappear for a whole day, blocking every means of communication with the outer world, but the next day they are already feeling in desperate need of someone they could talk to and connect with.

Easy-going perfectionists

Being intuitive and judging at the same time may be something which will often conflict with one another. While they follow their intuition (and are thus spontaneous), they also like to see the order in things and create order where there is none.

Their perfectionist side and their system of strong values does not allow for much spontaneity, but their intuition forces them to act in situations where reasoning does not play a role.

This means that no matter how organized they want to be, their spontaneity and intuition will rebel against the lists and orders they have set for or imposed upon themselves. In the end, they compromise by changing the rules with every new spontaneous discovery.

Rational artists

INFJs are very creative, and very rational at the same time. This can often pose a conflicting situation, where most of their artistic ideas hit the rational spikes and tear them apart before they have time to develop.

This is why INFJs are commonly known for their talents which are bound by their own judgment before they get a chance to meet someone else’s. This is because their artistic side usually tries to represent their inner world, and being introverts, any criticism from outside would feel like an attack on their most personal feelings and thoughts.

So, they use their rationality to measure out and judge everything they have flourishing in their heart before anyone else can. Perhaps this is why you will find an INFJ creating so rarely, and when they do, it is truly a thing to adore.

Messy and tidy

Their judging character requires them to set things in order and create a tidy space to live in. However, INFJs are also very creative and want to experiment with the space around them.

The creative fire that burns in them does not allow them to settle for the same surroundings for a very long time. So, once they have tidied everything nicely, they might start reordering and rearranging everything until they get into a complete mess.

Their intuitive way of functioning and their feeling nature do not allow them to keep the order they also prefer very much. So, they change the order in which things are around them often, and they enjoy putting everything in order again.

Standing up for others, but not for themselves

It is very hard for an INFJ to accept when someone is in pain. They feel other people’s emotions, and they do not want to see them in any other way than being happy and positive.

This makes them stand up for them in times when they cannot stand up for themselves. They are protectors, and they are truly there for their closest ones. However, when it comes to standing up for themselves, they fail badly.

Other people’s feelings play a role in this as well, as INFJs think that by standing up for themselves, they might hurt someone’s feelings. And no matter how wrong the other person may be, the INFJ would rather retreat inside than spit out the truth they know.

They are judging, but they do not pass out their judgment so eagerly, as they do not wish to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Otherworldly and philosophical, yet craving earthly experiences

INFJs find discussing profound and meaningful topics as essential to their being. One might say that they come with a philosophical wisdom and a spiritualistic consciousness. 

However, they love the finer things in life, and, although they hold the otherworldly and philosophical topics dear, they like to experience the world through the five senses as well.

They like to be surrounded by beautiful things, gourmet meals, sophisticated music and art, and clothes that go nicely with all that. Their refined taste clashes with their need for simplicity in life.

Feeling of not belonging here, yet wanting to make this place better

‘Here’ is this world, and INFJs feel like they do not belong here like they have fallen from space and are wandering in a strange place that does not agree with their nature.

However, they like to make this place better, as they can easily see the flaws in the world we live in. They may not feel like at home, but they love the world, and they would do everything they can to leave it better than they found it.

Whatever the contradictions in their natures, INFJs are truly a special kind of people. If you are an INFJ, you should be aware of this. And if you know an INFJ, respect them and keep them close to you – they are truly a rare gem.

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People who spend time alone are not considered to be lonely or sad anymore. In fact, there are 6 valuable reasons why these people are actually smarter and stronger than others.   

With all our accounts we have on social media, such as Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, it has become easier for us to be always connected with friends. We find ourselves constantly chatting, Skyping, texting, or talking on the phone with each other.

However, there are those who find themselves easily overwhelmed, and they value their alone time more than anything. They always find time for themselves to relax, sort things out, meditate, be creative, or just be on their own and do nothing.

And while some people might think that the people who enjoy being alone are lonely and sad – this is not often true. Actually, they tend to be smarter and stronger than those who do not find alone time for themselves.

Here are 6 reasons why:

1. They are more confident

People who spend time alone become more confident and sure of themselves and their decisions because they do not let others influence them when making a decision.

They do not find themselves bothering about others’ opinions, and they sure do not let others influence their mood. When they are alone, they spend time with their thoughts which gives them a broader perspective on things.

2. They are more productive

People who value their alone time are more productive in getting things done. This is because they distance themselves from everyone’s drama and do not get distracted by things that are not relevant to them.

They are able to manage their time according to the things they need to do. This quality makes them more focused and able to meet deadlines and targets because they work without any distractions.

3. They are more creative

When you decide to spend some alone time, you will be able to do the things that you love doing but you never found time; instead of doing only the things you are supposed to do. This boosts your creativity levels instantly.

People who enjoy having regular ‘me-times’ are more creative because their focus is only on themselves and the things they love doing. If they like to paint or write – this is their time!  

4. They clear their minds from anxiety and stress

During their alone time, these people learn how to block the outside noises and feel calm and peaceful. They know how to clear their minds while listening to their own thoughts only.

Moreover, people who spend time alone learn how to remain calm in stressful situations because during their alone time they learned how to listen to their feelings only and not be bothered by other people’s problems and drama.

5. They are better at problem-solving

People who find a regular time for being on their own become better with dealing with their problems and in finding a solution.

This is because during their alone time they are more focused on the problem. They have time to think about the real cause of the problem, thus finding a solution that works best for them.

6. They are more independent

People who enjoy their alone time learn how to take care of themselves and become more independent. In the time they spend alone, they subconsciously become aware of the fact that in life you can only truly rely on yourself.

Moreover, when you learn how to take care of yourself, your home, your finances, and so on, you will feel like there isn’t a thing that you cannot do!

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Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where victims are being presented with false information, which makes them doubt their perception, memory, and sanity. 

There is a term in psychology called gaslighting, that stands for a form of psychological abuse, and in relationships, it means that your loved one presents to you false information and insists that he is right and you are wrong. This form of manipulation will over time make you doubt, and question yourself, your memory, or even your sanity.

This sort of manipulation is so subtle that it will even make you blame yourself for your partner’s mistakes and all the problems that you have in your relationship. But, why do people choose gaslighting as a manipulative tool over a loved one?

Often it is a way for them to cover something up – be it sexual infidelity, financial troubles, you name it. It is their way to make you feel like you don’t trust them, or that you imagine things, to put the blame off themselves and onto you without any second thoughts. It is their way to hide the thing they want to hide successfully. Plus, they get to be the victim in this game!

Which types of people are most likely to be gaslighted?

The sad truth is – everyone can be gaslighted. Even the most brilliant and emotionally stable individuals are vulnerable to this kind of manipulation. This is because it is natural for us, as human beings, to trust the people we love. Even more so, rather than questioning their behavior, we tend to make excuses for it because there are some truths we can’t accept.

Moreover, it is not an easy thing to spot gaslighting. This process can happen very slowly and subtly that you can’t even notice it. It usually starts with small lies and excuses, such as: “Sorry honey but I am not able to come tonight, I got stuck at work.” A loving partner will not suspect anything at first, but as the time passes the excuses and the lies will only get bigger and even unrealistic.  

However, even at this point, we might not be able to notice it because the depth of the lies and excuses rises gradually. It is like you put a frog in a pot full of water and you start rising the cooking temperature slowly, so the frog will not notice that it’s being cooked.

So, how can you tell if you are being gaslighted in your relationship?

If you suspect you are being gaslighted by your partner, there are 3 things that you can ask yourself. If you answer ‘yes’ to these things – we’re sorry, but you are being gaslighted.

1. When you ask your partner about his whereabouts, and what he was doing, does he usually change his tone and flip the script only to look like it is your problem and not his?

If your answer is ‘yes,’ then you probably have heard him make excuses such as: “I told you not to wait up because I had to work late. You never listen to me;” “Why do you keep asking me if something is up? I feel like you don’t trust me anymore;” “I cannot believe that you are mad because I forgot to call you. I only closed my eyes for a minute, and I fell asleep. You are always getting mad over nothing.”  

2. Does your partner make you feel like you don’t trust him because you are psychologically and emotionally fragile?

 If this is true for you, here are some of the most common statements that your partner has probably given you: “Why are you so jealous? She is just a friend, and she needs help;” “You are crazy if you think that something is going on with my coworker. She only calls me when there is a problem at work;” “You are insane if you think you saw me with another woman. I was at meetings all day.”  

3. Do you often deny your perception of reality and your instincts because it is the only way that you can believe in what your partner tells you?

 If you answered ‘yes,’ then probably you are familiar with these statements that your gut tells you they are not true: “I wasn’t looking at that woman. I was looking for the waiter to bring the bill;” “I told you last Saturday that I had to go on a business trip this weekend. Maybe you did not hear me;” “I don’t know who told you they saw me with another woman. All I know is it wasn’t me.”

 If you answered ‘yes’ to all these 3 questions – there might be a problem in your relationship that you are not aware of, or choose to ignore. And you are not responsible for it, despite what your partner makes you believe.

We can all agree that this is a hard bite to swallow. It is not easy to accept that our loved one chooses to betray our feelings in this low manipulative way.

But you can always rely on your friends and your family to give you outside advice, and remember – it is not your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong.

Finally, accept the fact that this manipulative nature is only their reality. It is who they are at their core. Instead of trying to change them, accept the fact that their reality does not have to be yours too, and walk away.

Being sensitive means a lot in a world full of people. Many would consider it a weakness, and it really is if you give in to the melancholy and disappointment it can bring. However, once you start using your sensitivity as a strength, you will see that it can give you the ability to endure every challenge.

Being sensitive means that you have that ability to understand things as they truly are. Being tough means that you do not give in easily to the challenges these things bring. Combining both is a strength that not many possess, and this strength is what many admire.

These people can truly delve deep into the nature of things, they can understand people as they are, and they are strong enough to accept the truth, no matter how painful it may be. It is like they have managed to combine the polarities these traits represent into an entirely new and evolved way of thinking and behaving.

Are you one of these people? These 9 characteristics can reveal if you have managed to learn to combine sensitivity and toughness into something fascinating.

1. The world can be overwhelming for you

Your intense, sensitive nature makes you truly grasp the weight of the world and cope with it every day. However, you know how to handle yourself with this burden and understand the underlying truth in things.

Your firm control in life allows you to steer through the turbulent waters that life brings, but it all comes with the price of feeling overwhelmed from time to time.

2. You know how to set the right boundaries

People will always test their limits, and you are well aware of it. You are also aware that if you do not set boundaries, they will most likely think that there is no limit to what they are allowed to do.

This is why you are not afraid of calling them out on their misbehavior if needed and set the right boundaries. You are not snobbish in the process – you draw the line in a constructive manner, and others respect you for that.

3. You dedicate some time-off for yourself

Your strength is what people appreciate and makes them want for you to be by their side all the time. However, you know that this strength comes at a price, and you need to give yourself some time-out to recharge and relax.

Spending some time in nature is what would help you recharge the most, and you may have noticed that so far.

4. You would not date just anybody

We all like to bond with others, to be in a relationship that will give us the self-confidence that we crave for. Not you though. If you want to be in a relationship, that relationship has to be deep and meaningful.

You would never settle for a superficial Tinder date, or just getting close with somebody before you know them well. Moreover, your strong intuition plays a crucial role in deciding if that person is really worth your time.

5. You want people to be realistic with you

Some people tend to hide their true emotions and thoughts so as not to hurt the other person. The thing is, you can easily read these things by looking them in the eye, and you would very much prefer that they say them aloud.

There is no truth that can hurt you as much as dishonesty can. So, you prefer people who will be straightforward, no matter how unpleasant the truth may be.

6. You can do well without small talk

People like small talk – not you, though. Perhaps this may be why you cannot find a lot of close friends. You would rather stay alone forever than waste another minute on discussing people, brands, celebrities; you name it.

And you are not afraid to show your lack of interest in these topics. This will inspire hate in many around you, as they will think that you are acting as if you are superior. However, you know that there are far better things to talk about than that.

7. You are a good listener

When with people, you do not want to be the one who acts smart in every situation. You are much more interested in what they have to say and create your conclusions based on what is presented to you.

This trait allows you to be a very good listener, and you can always give a complete and most sincere advice to those who are willing to accept it. They should be prepared for some honest truth, though, as you do not prefer to mince words.

8. You do not crave for attention

Even though people usually have a high regard for your opinion and your attitude toward life, which puts you at the center of attention, you do not crave for such attention. You are in fact irritated when you see people do anything to get some attention.

You are aware of your qualities, and you share them generously with those who appreciate them. But this does not make you an attention parasite – you literally cannot stand those.

9. You like disconnecting yourself from everything

Although you are there, present for those who need you, you often prefer to disconnect yourself from the world and stay a while in your own world. And your world does not contain people – it contains thoughts, emotions, profound philosophies, and a higher understanding of the Self.

And you know how to disconnect in any situation. Somebody may be even talking to you, and you will suddenly disconnect and stop following because you need that escape right then.

You are tough, but you are also sensitive, and sensitivity requires some shielding if you want to endure everything. While your strength in character gives you the necessary soberness in handling things, being here in the world and then teleporting your mind back into your own world is something you frequently do.

No matter how much people may feel endangered by your presence, you always mean them well – and many know this. Fake people do not stand a chance with you, and those who want to harm you only end up hitting a wall that you have specially built for them.

Your composed character is something to be truly admired!