There are many forms of psychological manipulation that psychopaths’ use. All forms of psychological abuse are tricky to detect, but in this article I will be talking about one in particular – gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that is very difficult to detect. The scary part is that no one is immune to this form of manipulation, regardless of how intelligent a person is.

The tricky part with this type of manipulation is that the psychopath start abusing you slowly, one small step at a time, making it impossible for you to notice that you’re being manipulated.

Another disturbing fact is that most of the time psychopaths use this to manipulate their loved ones. Indeed, humans have a tendency to believe in the people they love completely, which is only making things easier for the manipulators.

First, let us see what is gaslighting. Simply put, gaslighting is giving false information to someone and insisting it’s true. Doing so, the manipulator has the intention to create false sense in the other person of what is the truth and what is not.

The goal is to make someone believe that they are always wrong and that you are right. Ultimately, the manipulator wants you to feel false sense of guilt for all the problems you have between each other.

Slowly, manipulators start to gain the trust with simple lies and excuses. For example, they will give you an excuse why they did not came on time that is hard to believe, and they will stick with it. Eventually, they will start to lie for bigger things and more serious matters.

If you doubt whether you are a victim of gaslighting, there is a way to check. All you need to do is ask yourself three questions.  If the answers are positive than it is quite possible they you are a victim of psychological abuse.

1.Does the person you suspect makes every situation look like you created the problem? For instance, when you ask them where they were or what they were doing? Does he or she try to put the blame on you, only because they don’t want to answer the question? I will give you some examples to see if you have heard the exact phrase or some similar ones.

“I told you not to wait for me because I have a staff meeting. You never listen to what I say, do you? You don’t care what I have to say! It is your fault you did not hear me!”

“You are always asking me if there is something going on, you are really annoying!”

“I was so tired and felt asleep, that is why I never called. I can’t believe that you are mad over this! I just needed a rest! Can’t I do that anymore?”

2. Is someone trying to make you feel insecure by telling you that you are too emotional or naïve, and that you are dramatizing too much? For example:

“He is just a friend, he calls only because he needed help with something. Why are you so jealous?”

“I was not out with another woman, it is your imagination. I was working all night. How could you be so jealous? You are imagining things!”

“I was not out last night, why don’t you trust me!? You are supposed to trust me! It hurts me that you don’t! “

3. Have you forced yourself to believe in something you know is a lie told by a loved one?

For example:

“I was not looking at her, I was just watching the sign next to her!”

“I told you I am not free on Saturday! But you never listen when I talk! I knew you didn’t pay attention!”

“I don’t know who you saw kissing that guy, all I know is that it was not me!”

If you have been in these or similar situations, and answered all three questions positive, then the chances are that you are dealing with a manipulator! It is very important that you don’t deny what you know is true, no matter how much you love them!

The best thing you can do is ask for an opinion from some family member. They will have much clearer picture from their point of view.  Don’t wait until it’s too late to accept this.

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People with antisocial personality disorder are better known as psychopaths or sociopaths to the general public, but the terms are not interchangeable. Many people, upon hearing the term “psychopath”, envision Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, and while he was indeed a psychopath, the majority of people with antisocial personality disorder live among us and carry on seemingly normal lives.  

What is antisocial personality disorder? 

Antisocial personality disorder is a mental illness which presents in long-term patterns of manipulation, lack of empathy, and disregard for the law. “Antisocial” can be considered something of a misnomer, however, since that word is more commonly associated with shyness.

According to Dr. Donald W. Black, a professor of psychiatry who has been studying antisocial personality disorder for more than 20 years, “The term arose because the disorder is anti-society. It’s [behaviour] that’s directed against society.” Studies on antisocial personality disorder are few and far between, but others like Dr. Black continue to petition for better funding for research into this still largely unknown disorder. 

The sociopath 

Sociopaths often have difficult childhoods due to poverty, abuse, or neglect. For this reason, many mental health professionals tend to consider sociopathy to have an environmental factor in its inception.

Sociopaths tend to be hot-headed and impulsive, with little or no regard for the law or the feelings of others. That being said, however, sociopaths do form attachments to people close to them and will avoid hurting them, or will feel remorse after causing them pain. They do not feel empathy toward people outside of their small group of close attachments. 

The psychopath 

Psychopathy is considered a more innate form of antisocial personality disorder. Upbringing does not seem to be as much of a factor for psychopaths as it is for sociopaths.

Unlike sociopaths, psychopaths do not feel empathy, guilt, or remorse, even when causing pain to “friends” or family members. Psychopaths are cold and calculating but present themselves as charming and witty individuals. They use their charm to manipulate people into doing what they want, and for this reason, they often end up high-powered positions in their careers. 

The similarities 

Psychopaths and sociopaths aren’t completely different, hence the terms being used interchangeably. At their most basic, both are manipulative, tend to commit crimes without guilt or fear of consequences, and lack compassion for others. Both are likely to lie, cheat, and steal if it gets them what they want. Some describe both psychopaths and sociopaths as “lacking a conscience”. 

Antisocial personality disorder is a serious mental illness that strongly affects those around the person afflicted. Oftentimes the individual will not seek out treatment since they truly do not believe anything is wrong with them nor do they have any desire to change.

When treatment is sought it is usually at the request of a court after a crime has been committed. If you know someone who may have antisocial personality disorder, it is important to get the right support in dealing with the situation.

A private therapist in London could mean the difference between being a victim and handling the situation appropriately. 

Further suggested reading 

While doing research for this article, I came across a very poignant piece written by a patient diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. It is a unique and insightful look into the mind of a sociopath and is well worth a read: Confessions of a Sociopath by M. E. Thomas .

This personal trait might be the reason why people feel intimidated in front of you

Very often, our personality is just a reflection of events that we went through in our lifetime. Privately, we often don’t know how tough we are until we are forced to face a difficult situation, and only then we see our real strength.

Strong personality is a good thing and all of us should have it, but sometimes that can cause fear in others. In many cases, people who have strong personality are intimidating to other people. Most of the time it is not their intention to intimidate others, but it is a result of their tough attitude.

Intimidation can have different meaning for different people, but there are some things that can contribute to it.  

These are 5 things that make a personality look intimidating:

1.Intellectual conversations

People who have a strong personality have difficulty just to chit-chat. Most of the time they will consider it a waste of time. When this person is involved in a conversation, they want it to be intellectual, and it is really hard to accommodate their standards. They want someone who is curious about the world, someone who’s not limited.

They will not hide this side of their personality. Strong minded people might even go far and tell you that you are wasting their time. They are very pragmatic, and they will talk only if the conversation is in their interest. For some people this might be intimidating and rough.

2. Luck follows the brave and hardworking

Often, strong characters are also very successful and when it comes to success, people with strong personality have one motto: Work hard and never let an opportunity go by. They instantly recognize an opportunity and they go for it without hesitation, regardless what others might think or feel about it. It might seem selfish but this is their recipe for success. In many cases, strong minded people are obsessed with success and they will not stop until they have it. This could easily become intimidating for the people around them.

3. You get annoyed with some people

In general, people with strong personality are well educated and well informed. They are well aware of anything that happens in their surroundings, and they spend lots of time exploring the world around them.

This type of people have high self-confidence and get annoyed easily. Therefore they will not tolerate a small talk with someone who’s ignorant, fake and judgmental. It might seem rude but people with strong personality will try to avoid people that they consider unworthy.

4. Not interested in drawing attention

While many people feel good when they have attention drawn to them, people with strong personality don’t really care about it. They will not try to get attention from others in any way, good or bad. They simply don’t feel the need for it.

Actually, all they want to do is to do a good job and succeed. They might seem rude to attention lovers as they might show disrespect for them. From their point of view, people who are asking for attention are people who have no self-confidence and have weak personality.

5. They are not interested in apologizes

You will never hear an excuse from a person with strong personality. They are very pragmatic and ethical when working, they know that life is not perfect and they accept that easily. When there is a problem they make an effort to solve it, instead of coming up with an excuse.

Their mindset doesn’t allow them to tolerate people who are always complaining and finding excuses for their failures.  They just don’t respect whining, and they aren’t afraid to criticize it.

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We all have intuition. As a women, me personally I have used my intuition in many cases and I’ve never been wrong. Intuition has also been studied by researchers.

The newest book written by Gerd Gigerenzer, “Gut feelings: The intelligence of the unconscious” proves this.

Gigerenzer, who is a director at Max Planck Institute for Human Development, says that intuition is instinctively recognizing and understanding the information which is needed to solve the problem instead of definitely knowing the solution of the given situation from previous experience.

In “Gut Feelings: The intelligence of the unconscious” he says that he himself is intuitive and rational. He believes that in his scientific work a gut feeling brings him the answer very often.

According to him, sometimes one cannot explain why something is right and it’s just the feeling that brings you to the realization.

Even in his private life, he admits that it is best to rely on your instinct. A good example is his first encounter with his wife. Namely, when he meet her, he recalls that he was not overthinking neither calculating anything – he just had a feeling.

One of his readers, Joy Boleda, asked him a question that intrigued him and made him tell this story. The question was: 

Gerd Gigernzer answered that his instinct tells him to say yes, even more when it comes to talking about people who are curious and seek knowledge and changes in their way of thinking.

Simply put, if you are waiting for an answer sitting and doing nothing just waiting for the instinct to give you the answer you are not exercising your intelligence. But if you think about and go over different possible solutions, than you are training your intelligence and your gut feeling will give you the answer to the right solution for you. 

Actually, many people think of intuition as a form of collective intelligence. Just take a look how web pages evolved over time. They used to be made of a lot of information put together on one page. However, today they are very intuitive to use and you can easily access the information you need. This way of organizing web pages was introduced by several web designers at approximately same time who selected the most important information.

Theo Humphries defines intuitive design as design that could be understood by most of people without any extra explanation for it. This makes sense. You know how most people find some objects easy to understand and others not?

Humphries, too considers himself a believer in the potential of controlled and well trained intuition. According to him, if you want someone to believe in your intuition you need to use your brain, think a lot and share your ideas and arguments with others.

On top of all, you should never be static and always be on the move searching for new things and ideas. If you are static and stuck in your comfort zone, no one will believe in your intuition.

Theo adds that intuition works better if you investigate more and when you stay hungry for learning and researching new ideas and solutions. That’s how you train your mind to be intuitive.

This is what Albert Einstein had said on this matter: 

Many times, we find ourselves in a situation where we have a bad feeling for something. These situations can be caused by someone who has influenced us, or by our side, as well. In these situations the only thing that can save us is intuition. If you have a bad feeling about something, you should never ignore your intuition, no matter how badly you need or want to go towards that thing.

Intelligent people always listen to their intuition. The biggest geniuses in history have never ignored their feelings, in fact they have always known what they feel about something and they have trusted their intuition.

That’s why they have better judgment in certain situations. They wouldn’t become the intellectuals they are and stand out above others without following their intuition.

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