We all have that one friend who would do anything to avoid talking on the phone, and when they have to speak, they try to be as short as possible and avoid any conversation longer than two minutes.

Well, many introverts are notorious for this habit of avoiding phone conversations. In fact, they loathe talking on the phone. And you should not take it personally. They would rather miss an important business deal than talk on the phone about it.

So, why do they hate talking on the phone so much?

Introverts are well known for their habit of pulling their thoughts inside and having long periods of self-reflection and deep thinking. They like to take their time and prepare themselves mentally for whatever they are supposed to do outside of them.

And a ringing phone is nothing different than an alarm clock or a crying baby for them – it yells for them to get out of their heads and answer at that very moment. You could say that it is one of the most intrusive things that can happen to an introvert.

Which is more, you cannot possibly plan when somebody is going to call you nowadays, so they have no time to mentally prepare themselves for the conversation that requires them to phase out of their introverted state.

And that is not all. Once the phone conversation starts, it most often begins with small talk – perhaps an even bigger deterrent for an introvert. Introverts tend to focus on the meaningful parts of the conversation, so they have a very awkward time when they are forced to be polite and wait for the speaker to get to the point (if there is one).

When it comes to responding, introverts choose to take their time to think things through, which is not really a useful skill for phone conversations. The silences that are caused may feel very awkward for both speakers.

In the end, introverts prefer to communicate with people face to face, because they rely heavily on visual cues to discern whether the other person is being honest, what they are feeling, or even whether they are about to say something.

In a phone conversation, these elements are simply gone, and this makes the already difficult-to-achieve conversation even more difficult for the introvert. Honestly, many things are already happening in the introvert’s head, and adding the burden of deciphering and trying to respond to a disembodied conversation only adds more strain on their minds.

So, the overwhelming experience makes them want to retreat in their thoughts and take a break, while the conversation urges them to get out of there and respond. It is not a situation they would prefer getting into, so they try to avoid it as much as possible.

There is, however, a way to navigate the conversation with (some) ease

Of course, some conversations are necessary, no matter how much a person can hate them. From scheduling appointments to disputing charges, these phone conversations are bound to happen, and everybody needs to go through them.

Here are some tips for introverts that can help them save their heads from burning out during phone conversations:

If it is a business-related call, it is best to write down the main points on which you want to talk about, or even a brief script. This way, you will be able to avoid stumbling on your words or get into a deeper thought that would cause silence.

Get to a quiet place where you will be alone to avoid interruptions or being overheard. It is also good to have a notepad with you to jot down important things that were mentioned during the conversation.

For friends and relatives, creating some schedule will be mutually beneficial. They are perhaps already aware that you tend not to pick up the phone in most cases, so working out a time when you both are available will work perfectly for a normal conversation.

That way, you will have enough time to prepare mentally, and they will be aware that you will actually answer the phone.

A good activity that you can introduce while talking on the phone, as much as it sounds counterintuitive, is doing something that does not require much thought while speaking. It could be anything from making doodles and coloring and assembling a jigsaw puzzle to brushing your pet or doing some housework.

These activities will help you to occupy the restless part of your mind, and you will be able to focus on the conversation more.

In the end, motivation plays the biggest role in whether you will want to talk to whoever is on the phone. One way to build your motivation for this activity is to give yourself some kind of reward after a phone conversation.

You could treat yourself to a slice of cake, or a candy bar; take a walk in the park; read something you love; watch a movie; whatever makes you feel happy and satisfied.

De-phoning your life

Some calls are indeed necessary, but that does not mean that your phone has to take over your life. If you want to reduce the amount of phone time in your life, here are some hints:

– Put your phone on vibration or switch your ringtone to something fun or calming;
– Leave a voicemail that will instruct your callers to text you or email you;
– Avoid leaving your phone number when you fill out forms whenever possible – use your email instead;
– If you are making a call to a business or a person that you do not want to know your number, hide your caller ID – your phone has that option too;
– Let your friends know that you would rather text than talk on the phone and that you are highly unlikely to pick up the phone;
– When you miss a call, get back to them with a text message;
– Return messages (email, chat, phone) promptly to reinforce the notion that this is the quickest way for people to reach you.

If you are an introvert, be aware that there is nothing wrong with avoiding phone conversations, and you should not feel bad about it at all. It is simply not in your habit, and you would rather prefer chatting and talking to people face to face.

Let your friends and family know that you do not prefer talking on the phone and that you would rather have them text you, and when you do have to talk, use the tips from above.

Source: Introvert, Dear

Introverts don’t like being engaged in small talks. Any conversation that is not mentally stimulating is not a subject of their interest. They prefer talking only about important things. 

It has become common knowledge that introverts hate small talks. By small talk, they define any conversation that happens when it would be rude for someone to remain silent.

This involves talking about the weather, or any other unimportant things while you are standing next to a stranger waiting for something, so they try to make small talk to make the time pass faster.   

However, knowing that introverts hate to be engaged in this kind of talk, it might be easily interpreted as introverts hate talking in general. This is not the case. Introverts like to talk, but they like to talk only about important things.

So, what are the important things that introverts like to talk about? And why do they hate and avoid small talk?

They hate small talk because it doesn’t engage their brain.

It is true for every introvert that when they find themselves in an elevator, for example, or any other place where they are obligated to be close to a stranger – introverts prefer to remain silent for the time being.

They won’t be offended if the other person chooses to be silent too. In fact, they prefer that. However, often, the other person would feel obligated to say something to fill the silence because they think it is only polite.

In other words, introverts don’t hate when people talk WITH them; they hate it when people talk TO them.

There is the difference. When you talk with someone, you engage in meaningful communication with a topic that interests both parties. When you talk to someone, on the other hand, you do that to fill a conversation gap with something trivial and unimportant that requires little or no reciprocation at all.

When someone says something like “Oh, it is so cold today,” there isn’t anything that can be added to it except “Yeah.”

And there is the problem for introverts – they feel that their brain is not engaged nor it could be engaged in a conversation like that.

On the other hand, if we imagine a situation when an introvert finds oneself in an elevator with a stranger, the introvert would most likely be flipping through its phone without paying attention to the person next to them.

If the other person, however, says something like: “My daughter died in an elevator accident. Sorry if I seem too overwhelmed and emotional,” this would immediately gather up the interest of the introvert. A variety of question will start popping up on their mind, like: How did she die? How long ago? How old was she?  

This statement is not meaningless and allows further engagement on the topic. The introvert can choose whether to engage in the conversation or not. Either way, the introvert gets the necessary mental stimulation that he/she needs.

In comparison, if the person says something in the lines of “What a beautiful day. I wish I didn’t have to go to work,” there isn’t anything left for the introvert to say except to nod along and agree.

When it comes to conversating, introverts are meat-eaters.

If we imagine that conversation is like a sandwich, then the small talk would be the bread, and the meat in it along with all its juices would be the most important part of the conversation – the deep topics.  

Not surprisingly, the introverts would skip out the bread and jump right to the meat!

All in all, introverts crave meaningful and mentally stimulating conversations. They also want honesty, because they are honest themselves. They want to know what motivates people at their core, what they love, what they fear…

They give meaning, but they expect to get meaning from you too.

Share if you agree!

I am sure that everyone admires a person that can go through life effortlessly without worrying what tomorrow may bring. It takes a strong person not to bother with life’s trivialities and fully grasp and enjoy life as it is.

Because let’s be honest – all your worries that you have today will not matter in the long run. The only thing that matters is how much happiness you bring into your life and to the people around you.

And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it seems like the happiest people nowadays are those that do not give a damn about anything.

So, below are 11 things that strong women do not give a damn about, and you should not too.

1.They Don’t Give A Damn About What Others Think

Strong women do not worry about what others think of them. This quality puts them in a very powerful position because they get to decide what matters to them and choose only things and people that align with the quality of their life. They respect and value themselves enough to not feel like they need to prove themselves to others.

2. They Don’t Give A Damn About Being Right All The Time

Strong women respect other people’s opinions and value them. They know they are not perfect and don’t intend to be. They are aware that it is impossible to know everything. So, they don’t care about being right all the time – because nobody is. They know that they can learn something new from every person they encounter.

3. They Don’t Give A Damn About Having A Perfect Body

Strong women respect and love themselves for everything they are and everything they have. They love every little imperfection on them because that is what makes them unique. They appreciate others with their flaws too and don’t try to change anyone. They love their body as it is, and they do not care about following crazy diets – they care only about their health and well-being.

4. They Don’t Give A Damn About Following Fashion Rules

Who says you shouldn’t wear a bikini if you are oversized? Or, horizontal stripes are not for you if you have broad hips? Who says that size zero equals perfection? Strong women don’t care about any of those things. They wear what they like to wear, and they wear it with a striking confidence.

5. They Don’t Give A Damn When They Choose To End A Toxic Relationship

Let’s be honest, everyone has tasted the ‘bittersweet’ taste of a toxic relationship – strong women are not an exception to this. However, the difference between a strong woman and any other woman is that the strong woman doesn’t feel bad when she puts an end to the relationship. She chooses her happiness over anything and anyone.

6. They Don’t Give A Damn About Being Polite In Bed

It is sad how many women today think that being ‘good’ in bed means being submissive and fulfilling every desire of your partner. Strong women are vocal. They do not care if they will hurt their man’s ego. They know what they want in bed, and most importantly, they know that their needs are equally important as their partner’s.

7. They Don’t Give A Damn About Fitting In

Strong women do not follow the rules that society inputs on them. They play by their own rules and live their lives being their most authentic selves. They don’t fit in because they don’t follow the crowd and don’t want to shape themselves to be like everyone else. Plus, this uniqueness that strong women have is what makes others enjoy spending time with them.

8. They Don’t Give A Damn About Getting Likes On Facebook And Instagram

Getting hundreds of likes on social media doesn’t mean anything to strong women. The likes they get make no difference in their lives, so why bother with them? Strong women decide to spend their mental energy focusing on something that is actually beneficial to them, and not on how many people have liked their Instagram photo.

9. They Don’t Give A Damn About Gossip

Strong women are only focused on their life; they don’t want to spend time and energy on getting to know about someone else’s. They don’t gossip simply because they don’t find anything exciting or meaningful in gossiping. Anything pointless, such as gossiping, is not a subject of interest to them.

10. They Don’t Give A Damn About 3-inch Heels

If your style is wearing heels all the time – that’s fine. Strong women prefer commodity and comfort over looking hot in 3-inch heels. They can’t understand women who willingly choose to endure pain because their pain-inflicting heels match their dress.

11. They Don’t Give A Damn About The Mistakes They Have Made

Strong women know that reminding and scorning themselves about every past mistake they have made doesn’t bring them any good. They have learned the lesson from each mistake, and they have moved on stronger than ever.

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Personality tests are always an exciting thing to do. Sometimes we are happy with the results; sometimes we are not – but either way, it is a great way to have some fun.

Look closely at the pictures below and decide what you first saw in the picture. Then read on to find out what the thing you saw first says about your personality and your perception of life as well as your current state of mind.

A CAR

If you first see a car, it means that freedom is essential to you. You like to move at your own pace in life, and you want things to go your way.

The car also represents your ability to go into details and analyze deeply any situation. This quality can be sometimes dangerous because it can cloud your judgment, especially if you find yourself in a bad situation.

And while being detail-oriented is an excellent ability that one can have, you should remember to look at the bigger picture from time to time to gain perspective.

A MAN WITH BINOCULARS

If you first see a man with binoculars, it means that in life you always tend to look at the bigger picture and you do not bother with going into details.

And because the man is over the whole picture, you are more likely to absorb information in quick glances instead of thinking it through.

While being able to see the bigger picture is a good thing, sometimes it is important to look at the details too.

THE LETTER “A”

This letter is the hardest one to spot. If you are among few who saw it first, it means that you have a rare ability to see things that others can’t.

You are very intuitive, and you think outside of the box which makes you a perfect detective for solving crimes and figuring out murders.

GIRL

If you are a girl and you saw the girl first, prepare for some wonderful events happening to you in the future. The girl in the picture is looking upwards, so are you – your positive attitude and your hope that you hold in your heart can be infectious to anyone around you. Also, it means that you are happy with who you are and in touch with your inner self. It is also a sign of confidence and independence.

If you are a boy and you saw the girl first, it means that very often your mind is fixated on the opposite sex. There is maybe one particular girl that is on your mind that causes you happiness or distress, and you desperately tend to get validation from her. Either way, best is to focus on improving yourself and your self-confidence, and all will fall into place.

GUY

If you are a girl and you saw the guy’s face first, it shows your desire for a romantic partner, or if you have a partner, it shows your connection with him. You are often thinking about him which is a good thing. The guy in the picture represents healthy changes in your love life that will take place soon.

If you are a guy and you saw the guy first, it means that you are concerned about some guy at work, or some friend or even you are worried about your sports team. Either way, you are not at ease, and you need to discuss and try to solve the thing that worries you and let it go.

CROCODILE

If you first see the crocodile, which is very likely, you are practical, and you don’t like to take risks in life. You leave a cautious life, and you tend to focus more on the negative aspects instead on the positive. Try to relax and enjoy yourself and your life more.

A BOAT

If you were able to see the boat first, it means that you have an eye for details and nothing can run past you without you noticing it. It also shows your creative side and your unique way to find a solution to any problem or situation.

OLD MAN

If you saw the old man first, you are highly empathetic and sensitive person. And since to see the man first you need to look at the picture from the right, it means that you are using your right side of the brain. And because this side of the brain is the creative one, and it shows that you have an artistic nature.

WOMAN

If you saw the woman first, it means that you are mostly using your left side of the brain which is logical and analytical – just like you. You tend to always think twice and analyze the situation carefully before you jump in and make a decision. However, you are also an optimist, a believer, and a healer too – people like to come to you for advice. You just need to control your perfectionist’s side and everything will be fine.

THE PILLARS

If you first see the pillars in the image, it means that you are deep into your comfort zone and this may be the reason why you can’t achieve all that you want in life. You need to step out of your comfort zone and see the world differently to gain new perspectives. The pillars also show that you are a dreamy and romantic person and you tend to miss out important details.

THE MEN BETWEEN THE PILLARS

If you saw the silhouettes of the men first, it means that you haven’t got any constraints in life. You live your life full and effortlessly and it is easy for you to make new friends and connect with people. Also, you are a sensitive and kind person, and you like to help those in need.

THE FACES

If you see the faces first, it means that you are an extrovert – a people person. You are profoundly influenced by external stimuli and energies, and that is why it is vital for you to surround yourself only with positive and supportive people. Don’t allow negative, demanding and criticizing people around you because they will suck out all your positive energy.

THE CANDLESTICK

The candlestick shows that you are an introvert who prefers the comfort of their own home more than anything. You find your motivation and purpose behind closed doors, and you enjoy your alone time.

A WOMAN

The woman in the picture is in a defensive position with her knees bent and her hands on her head. If you saw the woman first, it means that you feel emotionally drained right now. The woman also stands for inner regret. You may be in a difficult period of your life, or you are faced with a major decision that you need to make.

The woman can also be a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. Maybe the partner is causing you stress and worry. Whatever it is you desperately need to remove yourself from the stressful situation. Change is crucial – you need to make changes in your life and focus your energy on things that make you happy.

A SKULL

The skull means that you currently find yourself in a hard situation that seems like there is no way out. Life is throwing you obstacles and challenges that you need to overcome to get stronger and wiser. Do not lose hope and stay strong for it will soon pass. The skull also means that you feel like you are not appreciated enough for your work.   

Source: Themindsjournal.com

Parents may be unconsciously gaslighting their children with the intention to shape them to become better people. This, however, makes the children suffer.

Just when you start feeling confident enough about your parenting skills and habits, there is always something which will tell you – no, there is something wrong here. Of course, we can never be perfect no matter what we do, but that does not mean that we cannot strive for perfection.

And when it comes to perfection, many parents think that perfection means toughness and endurance; the lack of sorry emotions and tears; the need to impose some unwritten rules that do not fit our natural frame but rather the learned things that were imposed on us when we were children.

Through the process of shaping our children, we often tend to neglect many of their natural reactions thinking that they should learn how to ‘control’ them. However, this is a form of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is defined as the process of convincing someone that their experiences are false; that they are not really experiencing what they think they are, but that they are fooling themselves.

By discrediting the emotions our children are experiencing (with the wish to protect them from such ‘weaknesses’), we are doing exactly that! Emotions are the response to the world, perhaps the most natural one, and they come as a result of one’s perception.

So, are we constantly gaslighting our children?

Here Are The 10 Most Common Situations And How You Could Solve Them Easily:

1. Convincing Your Child That They Need To Eat More Even Though They Are Full

Example: You put food on their plate and they finish it halfway, claiming that they are full. This does not mean they have finished their meal, so you make them finish it.

Reason: It is true that you want your child to be well-fed. You may think that your child does not like the dish enough to finish it, so you force them to finish it so that they are fed as they should be.

Solution: Just as you know when you are full, so does your child. Who would like to stay hungry anyway? Especially when they have a nice meal in front of them. And if they do not like it, it is best that you discuss what meals they prefer and what meals they do not like. Would you eat something you do not like? Then why should your children?

2. Convincing Your Child That They Are Alright When They Are Really Not

Example: Your child tripped and fell on the ground. Now they are crying even if they have no signs of visible injury. And in the end, whatever the case, you know that they are alright and that there is nothing to worry about, so you make sure you tell them.

Reason: You see your child feeling upset over something that is not that bad, and you want to assure them that there is nothing to worry about.

Solution: Even if it is nothing serious, your child is upset, and you should acknowledge their emotion. As an adult, you can see ten steps ahead, and this is good, but you should not forget that your child’s perception is tied to the immediate moment, and they need to learn to cope with the moment. Help them out by asking how they are feeling, and assure them that you are here for them.

3. Convincing Your Child That Whatever They Are Crying About Is Not Worth Their Tears

Example: Your child lost their favorite toy, or maybe they broke it. So, they are crying about it, and you convince them that it is not worth their tears.

Reason: You know that it is useless shedding tears over trivial things. In the end, your job as a parent is to teach your child that crying over nothing will not solve anything.

Solution: While you are right, your child is right in their own perception, and you should respect that. They are feeling sad, and they are feeling frustrated. Acknowledge their emotion and discuss it with them. Ask them how they are feeling, and once they have articulated their feelings in a healthy way, you can offer them a solution or ask them how they think they can solve the problem.

4. Inspiring Fear To Keep Your Child Under Control

Example: Your child misbehaves, and you immediately think of a situation which may seem frightful in their eyes, like “Santa won’t bring you any presents,” or “A man is going to come and take you away to sell you somewhere.”

Reason: You want your children to behave nicely, and if nothing else works, perhaps a little fear will not hurt to teach them to act nicely.

Solution: A child’s misbehavior is usually a plea for attention. Instead of making up stories which will make them afraid, you should respond to their plea in a healthy way. If not, your child may stop misbehaving, but they will feel more and more lonely with every passing day. The best way is to see the underlying cause for their misbehavior and help them sort those things out.

5. Discrediting Their Passions By Explaining That They Will Have More Important Things To Do When They Grow Up.

Example: Your child has a passion for collecting stickers, or maybe locating the best marbles and playing with them all day. Still, you know that this is a childish fad and you explain to them that it is useless to focus on it since it will fade away anyway.

Reason: You do not want your child to focus on useless activities that will not contribute to their future in any possible way. They are better off reading a book or taking up some course.

Solution: Your child has a mind of their own, and you should respect them. It may be a temporary fad, and it may have no use for the future, but if they do not go through it because you have discredited it, it can grow into a frustration (which means it does affect their future). Instead, let them experience their world and their passions fully, and they will know what to do with those passions later in life.

6. Teaching Them Not To Question Rules, Authorities, And Adults.

Example: Your child felt that something an adult in their life said was not correct, or that it owes an explanation, so they asked for clarification or offered their opinion. You feel ashamed that your child is acting that way, so you better scold them when you get home.

Reason: You do not want your child to offend anyone. How can a child know more than an adult?

Solution: Your child is an intelligent person, so do not underestimate them. If they ask for clarification or state their opinion about something their ‘authoritative’ figure has said, that means that they are intelligent enough not to follow blindly. You could explain to them that perhaps they should not do that in every given situation, but regardless, you should encourage them to think with their own heads.

7. Forcing Your Religion Or Beliefs Onto Them.

Example: Your child does not see a reason to believe in your God, or to follow the same spiritual path that you have chosen. You know that this is something that they are not aware of, so you do not think twice before imposing those beliefs on them.

Reason: Religion and beliefs are the core of your day-to-day functioning, so you see why they should not be the same with your children. They should be afraid of taking the wrong steps, and you are here to make sure that they do not.

Solution: Every person’s spiritual path and discovery of God is and should be self-paced. Imposing a world of beliefs on your child will not make them feel that they have to agree with it, but will only make them feel that they are missing something in their perception and you are putting an odd piece in the puzzle they are building. Let them discover the truth at their own pace. If they do not agree, perhaps their path requires some other discoveries first.

Do these things sound familiar? Every child has gone through these things because the parents meant them well. However, when you look at them from this perspective, they are very damaging for a child, whose perception is still in the process of making.

Spread the awareness and share!

Sources:
http://awarenessact.com/11-ways-you-may-be-gaslighting-your-children/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201701/everyday-gaslighting
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201607/why-its-so-hard-see-form-childhood-abuse
http://www.heysigmund.com/social-emotional-intelligence/
http://time.com/4254089/science-crying/

Daniel Levitin, a neuroscientist, reveals a technique called ‘the pre-mortem’ which he thinks is the best way to remain calm when you are under stress. 

Stress plays a huge part of our lives. Some are better at dealing with it, some are not so good, but what is certain is – no one is immune to it.

And while there is some excellent advice out there for minimizing stress, such as yoga, listening to music, walking in nature and so on, there is one scientifically proven way for lowering or even eliminating stress.

Daniel Levitin is a neuroscientist who in his brilliant TED talk revealed what happens to our brain when we are feeling stressed, and what we can do to prevent, minimize, or eliminate that stress.  

He says that when we are under stress, our brain releases cortisol which is responsible for raising our heart rate, modulating our adrenaline levels, and clouding our thinking.

He was wondering if there were things that we could do or systems that we could put into place to prevent bad things from happening. Or, if they did happen, what we could do to minimize its effects of it resulting in a total catastrophe.`

He talked with his friend Gary Klein, a trained psychologist, on this subject and learned a technique from him called ‘prospective hindsight,’ or ‘the pre-mortem.’

Levitin defines this method as a way to look ahead and try to figure out all the things that can go wrong, and then figure out what can be done to stop those things from happening, or to reduce the damage.  

So, what can we do in the form of pre-mortem?

There are some obvious things that we can do, like finding a place around our home that will be designated for small things that are easily lost, such as car keys, passports, etc.

This is helpful because there is a part of our brain called the hippocampus that is responsible for our spatial memory. It keeps track of the location of things. And while the hippocampus is good with things that do not move, it is not so good with things that move.

This is why it is nice to have a space like that in your house where you can keep things that you are most likely to lose.

Moreover, it is important to remember that when we are stressed, we are not at our best abilities, so it is crucial to put our systems in place. This is because of the cortisol which is released when we are under stress. Cortisol is toxic, and it clouds our perception and thinking.

And there is probably no more stressful a situation than when we are faced with a medical decision that we need to make. And at some point, all of us are going to be in this situation when we must decide about the future of our medical care or that of a loved one.

In that situation, when a doctor suggests you a drug, it is important to ask him: How many people have to take the medicine before someone is helped?

According to research by Jerome Groopman and Pamela Hartzband, the number is three hundred. Moreover, 90% of the drugs work in only 30% – 50% of the people.

Plus, you should ask your doctor about the possible side effects of the drug.  

The idea of pre-mortem is to think ahead of time about the questions that you might be able to ask that will push the conversation forward. This is true also for financial decision-making, social decision-making – and any kind of decision that you need to make.

Frequently, you have a choice: Do you want a shorter life that is free from pain, or a longer life that could have a large amount of pain toward the end? These are things you need to talk and think about with your loved ones.

And remember that when you are under stress, your brain releases cortisol which makes many systems to shut down.

The reason for this is evolutionary. When we are face-to-face with a predator, we do not need our libido, or our digestive system, or our immune system; because if our body expends metabolism on those things and we are not able to react rapidly, we might become the predator’s lunch, and then all those things cease to matter.

Unluckily, the thing that goes out the window during the stressful times is our ability to think rationally. And this is why it is so important to think ahead about these kinds of situations.  

Finally, we are all flawed. We are all going to make mistakes and fail from time to time.

However, when we are able to look and think ahead to what those failures could be, and try to put our systems in place – we could minimize the damage, or even stop the bad things from happening in the first place.

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