First things first, romantic relationships are not a smooth journey. And anyone who believes that relationships are supposed to be effortless and easy has obviously never been in one for longer than a year.

So, the question is: What exactly makes a good, healthy, successful relationship? Or perhaps I should paraphrase the question and put it this way: Why some couples are happier and stay together longer than other couples?

But, I want to emphasize that when I say a happy, successful couple, I’m not referring to those who post photos on social media in which they look so content and in love with each other. I’m not referring to those couples whose relationships are full of romantic surprises and date nights.

Because the truth is that while romantic things, such as watching sunsets together with your beloved on a beach or cuddling with them while watching a movie, are important as they keep the passion, positive energy, and spark of excitement alive in a relationship, they are not what makes a relationship strong, stable, and long-lasting.

It might sound surprising to you, but certain healthy relationship behaviors that most of us think are toxic and destructive are actually the prerequisite for a relationship to work and last long.

Here they are:

1. Accepting your partner’s weaknesses and imperfections.

If you and your significant other accept and cherish each other the way you are, never doubt that your love is genuine and that your relationship is going in the right direction.

Enjoying a healthy and happy relationship requires understanding that your partner’s annoying habits, insecurities, and fears are just one small part of them. It requires knowing that your partner’s flaws don’t define who they are. They don’t determine their worth. They just make them different and more interesting than everybody else around you.

2. Taking some time apart.

Spending time apart doesn’t equal breaking up. Instead, it’s a normal, healthy behavior. Every couple needs time apart to reconsider the relationship. Because if you want to build a healthy, harmonious, successful relationship, you should never allow yourself to depend on your partner too much. You should never let your identity be consumed by your relationship.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to get some distance from your beloved, have separate friends,  maintain interests, or practice hobbies which are just your own. Remember what made your partner fall in love with you in the first place and make sure you never let that be consumed by your relationship. Because once this happens, the love between you will fade away.

3. Leaving some conflicts unresolved.

There’s no such relationship in which couples never fight. You and your partner may have a deep connection and you may be dearly in love with each other, but this doesn’t change the fact that you’re two different individuals. You have different educational, working, and socio-economic backgrounds. You have different interests and goals in life.

Therefore, you will always find things that you don’t like about your partner or things you disagree with. You won’t always agree with or support your partner’s ideas, opinions, plans, and decisions.

But, what you need to remember is that you shouldn’t feel the need to change your beloved so as to love them. And most importantly, you shouldn’t start an argument with them every time you disagree with them about something. Because the truth is that trying to solve a conflict can sometimes cause more problems than it solves.

4. Not being afraid to hurt each other’s feelings.

They say truth hurts, but let me ask you something: Would you rather lie to your partner and make them believe in something that isn’t true, or would you be straightforward and openly tell them the truth, regardless of how hard or painful it might be?

It might sound cruel to you, but you and your partner will hurt each other’s feelings many times – this is simply unavoidable. For instance, they might tell you that your new haircut makes you look old or that your new jeans don’t look good on you. But, I’m sure you’d prefer to hear their real opinion more than have them lie to you, right?

Additionally, you shouldn’t be afraid to call your partner out on their behavior when they say or do something that offends or hurts you.  You shouldn’t be afraid to complain to them about things they do that bother you, even if that means that you’re going to hurt their feelings. Because it’s always better to be sincere and upfront than pretend that everything is fine in the relationship.

5. Not putting each other first.

Number one rule in the world of dating is that your bae should always be your top priority, right? Putting their feelings, needs, and desires before your own and making countless sacrifices for their happiness are two behaviors that are usually regarded as the most definite sign of love.

But, this kind of behavior can lead to displeasure and bitterness and even lead you to a codependent territory.  So, instead of putting your beloved or yourself first, try putting the relationship first. This will help you find ways to nurture what you two have and maintain your relationship.

6. Feeling attracted to people outside the relationship from time to time.

Feeling attraction for someone other than the person you’re in a relationship with is something which is frowned upon by most people. You’re supposed to only have eyes for your beloved – your family and friends will say to you if you tell them that you’re attracted to someone else.

But, as silly or funny as it may sound, feeling attracted to someone other than your partner is not crime. The truth is that once you get past the honeymoon phase in your relationship, the novelty of your bae fades away a little bit. And sadly, human attractiveness is partly wired around novelty.

So, if you’re feeling attraction for someone else, do not suppress those feelings. Because if you do, you’ll make them even stronger or even decide to run into this person’s hands.

What you need to remember is that occasionally finding someone more attractive than your partner or flirting with someone other than your bae doesn’t make you an awful person. If you have control over your actions, then neither you nor your partner should worry that you might cheat on them.

7. Not being afraid to end the relationship.

Relationships are supposed to bring happiness, excitement, and a sense of peace and fulfillment into your life. So, if you’re in a relationship which causes you emotional damage, drains your energy, and undermines your self-esteem, i.e. brings you disappointment and sorrow instead of happiness, there’s no point in staying in it.

If you’re in this kind of relationship and you know you have exhausted all ways of changing it, and nothing has worked, you should consider the idea of putting an end to it.

Because staying in an unhealthy, messy relationship will sooner or later become detrimental to your emotional, mental, and physical health. So, you need to make sure this never happens. You need to know when is the right time to leave.

The world of modern dating has become so twisted and unbearable that it’s made me become sick and tired of it. I mean, is it really that difficult to find real love these days?

But if you are an individual from the millennial age and just so happen to be single, welcome to the match that is going to be your dating life.

I don’t know – perhaps I have conventional attitudes to romantic relationships and everything that has to do with dating, but I really can’t understand when things, such as one-night sex and no-strings-attached relationships started to be prioritized over true, pure love and genuine relationships.

Has the world gone completely crazy these days?

Have we all forgotten the meaning of honesty, respect, and dignity? Have we all forgotten the meaning of emotional intimacy and deep emotional connection?

Indeed, creating genuine, fulfilling, strong relationships in the 21^st century has turned into a tough challenge for many. Why?

Because modern dating lays down weird rules. For example, if you want to get the attention of the person you like, you need to master the art of seducing them without letting them know your real feelings because you don’t want them to think you’re weak.

Modern dating makes bad behaviors, such as taking someone for granted or stringing someone along, look normal. It makes individuals who enjoy playing hard to get and who have no problem playing with someone’s feelings look like they’re a real catch. It makes showing your partner your real feelings and vulnerable sides looks like a sign of weakness.

Well, I am sorry, but I don’t want to be a part of this sick world of modern dating anymore. I refuse to be a part of a world which is full of twisted values and emotionally handicapped people. I refuse to drown in a world which, to me, is nothing else but an ocean of apathy.

We live in a world where we are scared to feel anything honest and deep, or at the very least, are scared to show it. Instead of fully devoting our attention to our partner when spending time with them, we aimlessly scroll through our Facebook feed and notifications and post selfies on Instagram.

Instead, of investing our energy in making our partner feel happy and fulfilled, we invest it in posting happy, romantic photos of us and our beloved on social media and making our virtual friends think that our relationship is perfect.

Instead of showering our partner with attention and affection, we show indifference towards them.

Instead of having an open conversation with our significant other when we want to complain about something they said or did to us, we simply decide not to call or text them for days. 

So, I can’t help but ask: Who is to blame for this?

Is it us, the people that just want to find a normal, mature, responsible human being capable of loving and building a genuine, deep connection?

Or is it the society we live in, which has wiped out the last generation of people who possess true values?

Whatever your answer is, the fact remains that we need to stop playing by the twisted rules of Naturally Dating and make new ones instead. We need to stop thinking that by committing to someone, we run the risk of getting hurt. We need to stop thinking that showing how we really feel is a sign of weakness.

We need to stop stringing people along that we don’t love and care about. We need to stop taking others for granted. We need to stop playing with other people’s feelings.

We need to stop being cowards and open our hearts to love and let our feelings show us the real way instead. We need to start treating those around us exactly the way we want to be treated.