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30 Things You Need To Do If You Want Your Relationship To Last A Lifetime

By
Stephanie Reeds

A relationship is a two-way street. You cannot expect it to thrive and grow if one of the partners doesn’t bother to put in their best effort.

So, if you’re willing to make it work, and if you’re inclined to hold their hand in sickness and health, to stay by their side for richer or for poorer, you have to be aware that it is going to take time and a lot of effort.

It won’t always be smooth sailing for you, but one thing I can promise you is that it will all be worth it.

Here are 10 things you need to do if you want your relationship to last forever:

1. FORGIVE

Try to understand the reasons for their mistakes and find a way to forgive them. Let go of the pain that is eating up your soul.

2. FORGET

Holding a grudge is like eating a poisoned apple and waiting for the other person to die. If you’ve decided to forgive, the next step is to forget. Release yourself from the negativity, but, don’t forget to learn the lesson.

3. BE A FAIR TEAMMATE

Life is hard. True empathy and honest generosity are the only things that will help you persevere and overcome life’s challenges. Be a good and fair teammate.

4. GROW

Never stop following your wildest dreams. No matter how crazy their sound. Oh, and never ever resist change. It is the only way you’ll ever grow.

5. RESPECT EACH OTHER

Be kind and considerate to one another and respect your boundaries, opinions, beliefs and preferences. Celebrate your differences.

6. SURPRISE ONE ANOTHER

Never stop surprising one another. It’s the little things in life that put a smile on our faces. Whether it’s a movie ticket, a nice home-cooked dinner, a bottle of wine, a fresh bouget, don’t hesitate to search for ways to surprise your loved one.

7. ADMIT WHEN YOU’RE WRONG

Don’t be a self-centered douchebag. Learn to say I’m sorry when it’s your fault.

8. CELEBRATE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS

Whether your boss have you a promotion, or you just successfully canceled other plans, so you can be with your partner, always search for reasons to celebrate your accomplishments!

9. FOCUS ON THOSE SMALL THINGS

Plan a movie night, cook for your lover, hold the door for them, surprise them with a breakfast in bed, pay attention to what they’re saying.

10. AVOID THE BAD LITTLE THINGS

Get rid of your nasty habits, stop picking your nose at the table, change your smelly socks, stop spitting, be respectful.

11. WORK ON YOURSELF

Cultivating your qualities and working on yourself should never stop, even after you’ve entered a serious relationship. Never forget who you are and what you strive for in life.

12. ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER

Your relationship should be the place where you can feel free to share every fear and insecurity you have. Share your problems, be an active listener, and never stop encouraging each other.

13. TALK ABOUT SEX

If something doesn’t feel right in that particular department, don’t be afraid to talk about it with your partner.  Sex is a very important part of life. Your relationship will never grow if you make it a taboo topic.

14. TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT SCARES YOU

Be brave to open up and talk to your partner about everything that keeps you awake at night. Whether it’s childhood traumas, insecurities, painful mistakes, unresolved issues, talking about it will help you much more than keeping it hidden.

15. HAVE YOUR OWN PERSONAL SPACE

Respect each other’s personal space and your own separate lives. What you do in your alone time shouldn’t always be shared with other people.

16. DON’T CRITICIZE

Stop blaming your partner for everything and stop criticizing their behavior. Anyone can do that. Try finding an optimal solution for a change.

17. COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER

Do it often. But, most importantly do it sincerely, from the heart. Everyone wants to hear a few nice words every once in a while.

18. KNOW WHEN TO SPEAK AND WHEN TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Know when it is expected of you to share an opinion, but more importantly, know when you need to keep your mouth shut.

19. GET RID OF THE DOUBLE STANDARDS

Relationship rules should be equally respected by the partners in the relationship. If a rule doesn’t apply to a man, then it is clear that it shouldn’t be applied to a woman as well.

20. TAKE CARE OF YOUR APPEARANCE

Being married or in a long relationship shouldn’t give you the idea that you can spend the rest of your life in greasy sweat pants and pajamas. Learn to take care of your own style.

21. MAINTAIN GOOD HYGIENE

Is your breath so stinky that it could literally put a person in a coma? Be aware of these things and maintain a good hygiene. No one wants to see your dirty, big toenail, or your hairy chest. Take good care of it.

22. DON’T THROW THINGS AWAY WITHOUT ASKING

Don’t you dare throw that broken vase away without asking. I will get to it as soon as I find the time. I’m dead serious.

23. BE SELF-SUFFICIENT

Learn to take care of yourself even if they’re not around to help you. Stop treating your partner as your personal butler. Cook yourself food. Unclog the toilet. Buy groceries. Wash the dishes. Take the dog for a walk. Be a responsible human being.

24. HAVE GOOD MANNERS

Don’t be an arrogant, insufferable prick. Be kind. Help your partner. Open the door. Be present. Listen to what they have to say.

25. LEARN TO BE MUCH MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR FINANCES

Your hard-earned money is your source of existence. Manage them wisely.

26. ADAPT

Regardless of where you are, or what you’re plans are, have in mind that if you stagnate, the other person shouldn’t follow the same way. So, don’t resist their transformation. Don’t discourage them from following their own path. Learn to adapt.

27. MAINTAIN EQUALITY

You are equal human beings, regardless of how much money you make, how successful you are or how many friends you have or how many cars you own.

28. RESPECT EACH OTHER’S FRIENDS

Even if they’re annoying as hell. Find a way to be around them without engaging in a never-ending debate that will eventually end up with a fight.

29. LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY

Be present. Be their support. Listen actively to everything your partner has to say and then try to find a reasonable solution for their problem.

30. STOP ROMANTICIZING PAST RELATIONSHIPS

No one wants to listen to you over-romanticizing your old relationships, and especially not your current partner. Trust me. You will be misunderstood.

8 Traits Narcissists, Sociopaths, And Psychopaths Have In Common

By
Riley Cooper

When a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath enters your life, it means only one thing – chaos. And one thing’s for sure, these people don’t look in real life the way they’re depicted on TV and in films.

Thus, most narcissists aren’t serial womanizers and drive big, expensive, fancy cars. Most sociopaths aren’t serial killers and thieves. And most psychopaths aren’t disturbed, unhinged murderers. So, if you thought these social predators are easy to spot in the day-to-day, know they aren’t.

These people make up a solid percentage of the population and the chances are that you have encountered one of these extremely negative, toxic, people. In fact, they can be the friend, family member, ex-partner, or coworker who makes you feel confused, self-conscious, jealous, and even crazy when you interact with them.

That’s why it’s important for you to be able to detect the potential problem person before you fall too deep into their trap.

Here are 8 traits narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths share:

1. They possess a superficial charm.

When these people mark you as their target, they use their charm to lure you into their trap. But their charm isn’t natural.

Instead, it’s precisely suited to their victim. Thus, they’ll give you compliments or gifts and act like they’re the shyest, modest, kindest, most compassionate people you’ll ever meet. They’re the best at making you feel “special”.  

These social chameleons possess a variety of personalities, each and every suitable for their needs. So, if you notice inconsistencies in someone’s behavior and that they often change from being the nicest and most loving person into the most manipulative and cruelest one, know that chances are that person may belong in one of the three categories.

2. They manufacture their reactions.

They’ll deliberately create chaos and then act innocent while they blame you for reacting. They’ll try to annoy you and provoke your anger and then when you react (which is totally understandable and expected), they’ll act surprised and even arrogantly inform you that they are “not going to have this conversation with you again.”

And of course, you’ll eventually start to feel like a hypersensitive, unstable, crazy nutcase.

3. They have different personas.

Such people never show their true colors. Instead, they have different personas and they constantly rearrange them depending on their victim and what they need to get from him/her. Thus, they can be a loyal, supportive friend one moment and the most selfish and inconsiderate one the next.

No matter how hard you try to reconcile the two personas, you’ll never succeed in it. You can only start doubting your own logic and sanity, which is exactly what these social predators want.

4. They lie incessantly.

These people, especially psychopaths, lie constantly, even when they don’t have any clear motive to do that. They’re so used to and skilled at switching between their different personas and changing stories that lying comes naturally to them.

These people would never admit they were lying to you, so if you try to question their lies, know that you’ll only make them use this against you and even accuse you of being paranoid.  

5. They don’t take responsibility for anything.

Whether it’s for paying bills, fulfilling their tasks at work, or admitting to their mistakes and wrongdoings, these people refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

If they notice you’re a trusting, kind, vulnerable person – all in all, a perfect scapegoat, don’t doubt they’ll shift the responsibility onto you.

6. They feel no remorse.

Such people are incapable of feeling remorse and shame. They’ll lie, manipulate, steal, and cheat on you, but they’ll never feel guilty of it. They simply have no conscience. What’s even worse, these people, especially psychopaths, seem to find a lot of pleasure in inflicting pain on others.

Therefore, if such person ever hurts your feelings, don’t expect them to apologize to you because you’ll have to wait a lifetime to receive their apology. The only time they can apologize to you is to save their thick skin or if they still need something to get from you.

7. They’re incapable of building healthy, meaningful relationships with others.

Trust, love, attachment, loyalty are concepts they know nothing about. They change allegiances without too much thinking. Whether this person is a friend, family member, coworker, or just an acquaintance, they can easily make you think that you have a connection based on trust and respect with them, but the truth is, they can create that bond with anyone.

Thus, if you no longer serve their needs, they won’t hesitate to stab you in the back the moment you turn around. They’ll reveal your secrets, say ugly things about you to others, and make you look like you’re the “bad guy” not them.

8. They turn people against each other.

When such a person enters your life, you’ll find yourself having bad opinions about and even disliking people you have never even met. They’ll say bad things and spread rumors about others so as to poison your mind and turn you against them. And of course, they’ll play these vicious games while hiding behind an innocent, concerned, compassionate face.

To be in the center of attention and in control over others, they’re prepared to do anything, even if that means destroying other people’s relationships.

Don’t Allow Yourself To Be Just An Option To The Someone Who Doesn’t Prioritize You

By
Riley Cooper
don't be an option

Have you ever fallen for a man who never intended to catch you? Have you ever given your heart to a man who acted like he couldn’t care less about it?

Have you ever prioritized a man who treated you like a girlfriend of convenience? Have you ever loved a man so deeply, fiercely, and unconditionally that you lost yourself to him?

Well, if you have, then you know how deeply this can hurt. You know how being in a relationship with this kind of man can make you doubt your self-worth and rack your brains wondering why he doesn’t love you the way you love him.

You know how being with this kind of person can make you feel betrayed, humiliated, and desperate. But most importantly, you know how an experience like this can leave deep scars on your heart and mind.

The truth is that this guy took advantage of all the love you were showering him with. He took advantage of your kindness.

But let me tell you something: You don’t deserve to be in one-sided relationships. You don’t deserve to suffer from unrequited love.

You are better than that.

Don’t be someone’s option.

Don’t let them consume your energy and love. Don’t allow yourself to think about why they’re not responding to your calls and messages. Don’t allow yourself to worry about where they might  be when they don’t come home to you.

Don’t allow yourself to fall in love with a man who doesn’t care about you.

A man who always has more important things to do than be with you.

Don’t allow yourself to be there for a man who is only good to you when he needs something from you. When he needs you to make him feel good about himself. When he needs your help to deal with his insecurities and fragile ego. When he needs to have fun.

You don’t deserve to be with a man who only comes to you when he feels lonely. Instead, you deserve a man who will enjoy spending every moment with you and who will terribly miss you when you’re not around.

You deserve a man who is going to stay by your side on your bad days. A man who will be there for you when times get rough for you. A man who will hold your hand and tell you: “Don’t worry, honey, everything will be all right. I’m with you.”

You deserve a man who will know what to say when you feel sad and disappointed to make you laugh and cheer you up.

You deserve a man who will make your heart skip a beat and make you feel warm on the inside. A man who won’t forget to ask you how your day went. A man who will tell you to call him when you get home because he wants to know you’re safe.

You deserve a man who is going to give you all of himself and enjoy waking up next to you in the morning.

You deserve a man who won’t leave you to deal with your problems on your own. A man who will do his best to help you overcome your deepest fears and insecurities. A man whose main priority will be to make you happy every single day.

You deserve a man who won’t try to fix you or lose his temper when your anxious thoughts, faults, quirks, and annoying habits come to the surface. Instead, he’ll be supportive and patient with you.

You deserve a man who is going to support you and tell you he believes in you when you talk to him about the highest goals and wildest dreams you want to fulfill.

don't be an option

You’re not an option.

You’re not a second choice. You’re not a pastime.

You’re an amazing, kind-hearted woman and you deserve a man who will be aware of and appreciate that.

You’re not “too emotional,” or “clingy,” or “needy.” You don’t love too much – you love in unique ways. You love hard. Honestly. Deeply. Passionately. Wholeheartedly.

You don’t need to change anything about yourself to make someone like you. Because the person who knows who you really are will love you even more.

You’re perfect just the way you are.

So, don’t allow yourself to fight for a man who is not willing to put even the slightest effort in the relationship.

Don’t allow yourself to waste your time and energy on a man who doesn’t deserve a bit of your attention. Because you can love and care about someone so much, but if they always play hot and cold and treat you like an option, then it means it’s time for you to let go of them.

Since holding on to them is preventing yourself from finding someone who will know how to love and cherish you the way you deserve.

Someone who will love you with the same intensity and passion as you do. Someone who will make you feel like you’re the most loved, appreciated, and important person in the world. Someone who will go out of his way to make you feel safe and protected. Someone who will make you feel special every single day.

You deserve a man who will be aware of your worth and put you on the top of his list of priorities. A man who will be ready to catch you when you fall for him.

This Is What You Need To Know Before Falling In Love With A Woman Who Has Experienced Domestic Violence

By
Riley Cooper

A woman like this has been through hell and back. She was a victim of mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Her world was wrapped in nothing else but fear, sadness, tears, and darkness.

That’s why this kind of woman deserves a man who will know how to love and take care of her. A man who will always be there for her. A man who will prove his love, respect, and loyalty to her every single day.

She deserves a man who will fight for her and not with her.

This woman has been through the worst and it’ll take her a while before she is able to trust and love again.

So if you’re feeling like you’re falling in love with a woman who has experienced domestic violence and want to date her, know that there are some things you should know so as to build and maintain a healthy, meaningful, successful relationship.

First of all, physical contact is hard for her.

She was with a partner who was physically violent and who made her suffer a lot. She was with a monster of a partner who neither saw nor treated her like a human being. He abused her in any way you can imagine – physically, mentally, and emotionally. With every hurtful word he said to her and every degrading thing he did to her, he made her feel unworthy and week.

That’s why it’ll take her more time before she starts feeling comfortable to let you touch her. It’s not that she doesn’t want you to hug and kiss her, but she wants to feel that when she’s ready.

So, don’t rush things, but be patient with her. Give her as much time and space as she needs so as to start to trust you and feel comfortable with you.

She feels empty.

Although she escaped the abusive relationship, she still feels lost and finds it hard to trust anyone. That’s why she needs a man who will make her feel safe and protected. A man whom she’ll know she can always rely on for his help and support. A man who will make her feel free and comfortable to talk to him about the awful things she went through. 

She needs to know that you won’t let her fight her battles alone. She needs to be sure that you’ll be more than willing to help her overcome all her insecurities and fears. That you’ll do your best to help her heal her wounds and pick up the broken pieces of her heart.

She needs you to be patient with her.

Only the person who has experienced domestic violence knows how it feels when the person you love and trust the most hits you and humiliates you in every possible way. She understands that you want to know everything that happened to her, but she also needs time to open her heart to you.

Don’t doubt she’ll share with you the bad, humiliating, embarrassing things that her ex did to her, but she’ll do that when she feels ready. And until that happens, don’t force her to tell you anything. Instead, be supportive and patient with her.

She needs you to support her.

This woman wasn’t guilty of anything that happened to her. Yet, this doesn’t mean that you should see and treat her like a victim. In fact, this is something she’d hate the most.

What she needs and wants from you is to see her as a normal person. She needs to know you believe in her strength. She wants to hear from your lips that she’s strong, brave, smart, and beautiful. She needs to know that you’re aware of and embrace all her imperfections. That you accept and love her just the way she is.

This woman needs to know that you won’t lose your temper and take out your anger on her when she gets emotional and the memories of her past start flooding back to her. She needs to know that you’ll always be gentle, kind, compassionate, and full of understanding of her condition.

This woman needs to know that you’ll never betray her trust and hurt her feelings. And most importantly, she needs to feel that you love her truly, deeply, and unconditionally.

She can’t escape her past.

No matter how hard she tries to forget about the hell she went through, she can’t. Her painful past engraved itself deep down in her soul and it affects her in all parts of  her life.

Instead of being showered with love and attention like she deserves, she was showered with insults and bitter reproaches. She had to endure such awful things that no person ever should.

She deserves the best and she knows it.

This woman knows the best what it feels like to touch the bottom and lose the purpose of life. Yet, her awful past was just a lesson she had to learn the hard way. A lesson that taught her how to love and appreciate herself. 

All the bad things her ex put her through have made the person she is today. Today, she’s stronger, braver, and more resilient than ever.

She’s found the purpose of her life and she’s able to smile again. She’s surrounded by people who make her feel happy and fulfilled. Today, she’s able to find meaning and joy in everything that surrounds her.

Today, she’s more than ever aware of her worth and knows how she deserves to be treated: with lot of kindness, compassion, dignity, and love. And she’ll never ever settle for anything less than that.

So, if you truly love and care about her, make sure you’re the person she’s always wanted and deserved to be with.

This Is The Kind Of Love All Of Us Deserve To Experience In Life

By
Stephanie Reeds

I’m sick and tired of living in a society that doesn’t know how to express a pure emotion.

We all deserve to experience the feeling of true love. We all deserve to be loved, you know?

Every single one of us deserves to feel wanted, respected, needed and treasured.

We all deserve to find that special person in life and give ourselves completely. We deserve to feel free to open our hearts to the possibility of love, instead of feeling terrified that some inconsiderate asshole might break our heart into million pieces and leave us hopeless.

We all deserve love as soft as rose petals, but at the same time as strong as steel.

We all deserve someone who will think of us. All day, every day… Until eternity.

We all deserve to be in the arms of a person who will hold us and caress our head while we’re at our most vulnerable state. Someone who will hug us and kiss our forehead until we fall asleep. Someone who will look at us while we sleep and feel at peace by simply laying next to us.

We all deserve to be loved with all intensity, and we all deserve to experience love through all its glorious dimensions.

We all deserve to know how others truly feel about us. None of those ‘modern-dating’, ‘hard-to-get’ games people are playing these days.

We all deserve to be with someone who will challenge us and help us overcome the dangerous obstacles along the way. 

We all deserve a person who will stand right next to us, hold our hand and fight against everything that terrifies and threatens us.

We all deserve someone who will be brave for us when we don’t have the strength to pick ourselves up and move on. Someone who will find all the missing pieces of our heart, glue them up together and make us believe in love once again.

We all deserve the kind of love that will welcome all our emotional baggage, help us with the heavy load, alleviate us and grow us the pair of wings we desperately needed. We all deserve the kind of love that will push us forward, not put us down.

We all deserve that stupid, crazy, magical, mad, passionate, wild, all-consuming, deep, ‘they-give-me-butterflies kind of love. We deserve to be happy. And we deserve to be with someone who will make us feel special. Like maybe we’re magic.

We all deserve a person’s full attention. We all deserve someone who will really see our true beauty inside our hearts and accept us for who we are. Someone who will make us their first choice. Their best bud. Their family. Their soulmate. Their whole world. Their future. Their eternity.

We all deserve to experience this kind of love.

So, please… don’t ever give up until you find it.

8 Brutally Honest Truths About Life That Will Help You Get Your Sh*t Together

By
Riley Cooper

Life has never been a smooth journey. There’s not a single person who has been at least 30 years on the crazy journey called life that will ever tell you that it gets easier. Because it doesn’t.

And I know that it’s easier to believe that life is all sunshine and rainbows and live inside our own bubbles than accept and face the truth that life is not a fairytale or a Hollywood movie with a happy ending.

We’re bombarded with all those successful life stories that usually begin with some person who had a dream, then worked hard to achieve it, and voila, there they are – celebrating their success and giving us advice about how to live life to the fullest.

But, how come these “happy, successful, and inspiring” people almost never mention the bad parts: the mistakes, the failures, the disappointment, the heartbreaks, the problems, the losses?

Because that’s the truth – life doesn’t always go according to plan. No matter how sure we are that we’re in control over our lives, the universe somehow always finds a way to remind us that life is full of brutal truths. Yeah, life can really suck sometimes.  

But no matter how harsh these truths may appear, you should never ignore them because it’s only through accepting them that you’ll be able to take full responsibility for your life.

Here are 8 harsh truths that will help you get your sh*t together:

1. Life has no meaning without goals.

If you don’t have concrete goals and passions to pursue, your whole existence becomes pointless. We’re all running after something, be that a career, or finding the love of our life, or broadening our knowledge of the world, or improving ourselves, both personally and professionally.

You need to understand that it’s living your life with a purpose and knowing exactly where you’re headed that give you peace of mind and make you feel like a whole, complete person.

2. What others think about you is none of your business.

Worrying about what other people think and say about you is not only a complete waste of time but it’s ridiculous too. The thing is, no matter how good you are to people, there always be those who will say bad things about you, try to put you down, and even tarnish your reputation.

You have no responsibility to live up to other people’s expectations, always please them, and seek their validation. You’re the master of your own life and it is you who determines the course of your life.

What you need to remember is that other people’s opinions of you don’t and can’t determine your self-worth.

3. No one lives forever.

This one is probably the harshest truth of all and you might hate me for telling you this, but that’s the reality. Everyone you know, including you, will eventually die. No one can change this.

So, make sure you spend enough quality time with and appreciate your loved ones while you have them. Hug and kiss them and show them how much you love them.

4. You can’t control everything.

While you can change and improve some things about your life that you’re not satisfied with, you need to always bear in mind that you can’t control everything in life. Those who believe they can control every segment of their life always end up feeling anxious, disappointed, or angry, and they even blame themselves when they experience failure.

We all gain weight, fall ill, fail, go through heartbreaks and losses – you simply can’t control things like these. So, instead of trying to control what is impossible to control, focus your time and energy on things you actually can.

5. Failure is inevitable.

It’s true that failure makes us feel bad about ourselves and shakes our confidence, but it’s also an inseparable part of our lives. We’re all on the journey to finding our happiness and success, but no one can reach the final destination without experiencing failure.

Thus, sooner or later in life, you’ll make mistakes and terrible decisions, you’ll make a fool of yourself, and kiss a couple of wrong guys or girls. But, what you need to understand is that failure is not fatal. Oftentimes, it’s failure that provides you with the most valuable lessons about life.

If you don’t fail, you’ll never know how to pick yourself back up and find the strength and willingness to move on and continue firmly paving the road to your happiness and success.

6. What you own doesn’t add value to you as a person.

You could own the biggest and most beautiful house in the world, have luxurious cars, and accumulate tons of money, but the truth is, material things don’t define you as a person. If you’re a terrible, lying, dishonest, human being, no one is going to like and appreciate you anyway.

So, instead of running after possessions and money, focus more on gaining meaningful, rewarding experiences, creating harmonious, deep relationships with other people, and doing things which can make you a better person and which can provide you with genuine happiness and give you a sense of fulfillment.

7. Thinking is not the same thing as doing.

Daydreaming feels great, but it’s useless if it’s not followed by actions. So, if you want to be a writer, start writing. If you want to be an artist, start painting.

You may have great plans for your future, but if you don’t act on them, they’re just futile plans. You can’t just lay back, do nothing and expect some miracle to drop success in front of your door, or bring you the love of your life, or get you the career you’ve always wanted to have.

8. Worrying is useless.

Worrying won’t change the fact that things won’t always happen like we want and expect and that we’ll make mistakes and bad decisions, have problems, and fail. Whether a problem can be fixed or not, worrying about it won’t help you accomplish anything. In fact, it can only make things worse than they are and cause you to feel stressed out and helpless.

So, instead of worrying about what tomorrow will bring and what the potential future outcome of your decisions and actions might be, try to live in and enjoy the present moment and focus on the things that truly matter in life.

How To Get Rid Of The Blame-Shame Pattern And Improve Your Relationship

By
Stephanie Reeds

We’re nothing but perfect imperfections who desperately try to coexist and survive on the same planet. We’re all flawed. We’re different. We’re peculiar. We’re weird.

So, it is only natural for us humans to not be 100% compatible with every person in our lives. As a result, it is even more natural for us to want to somehow change the behavior we dislike in our loved ones.

But, this is where it gets tricky.

In an attempt to make things better and point out the flaws in our partners, oftentimes, we lose ourselves and end up complaining, shaming, and even blaming them. And once we realize that pointing fingers is not an effective, nor a clever solution, we immediately regret our actions.

I can’t help but wonder… why do so many people think that a direct attack on someone’s persona is exactly what it takes for them to change?

Our patterns and systems are terribly hostile. Fortunately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this topic lately, and it is my great pleasure to share some of my thoughts with you guys.

So, here are 3 simple methods that can help you rethink your steps, get rid of your destructive patterns and improve your relationship:

1. SEARCH FOR THE POSITIVE INTENTION

Instead of pointing out the flaws in my partner and making him feel bad by putting the blame on him, I slowly started changing my perspective. I simply challenged myself to look beyond his behavior and find the positive reason behind his irritating actions.

I said to myself… “What if I actually dug deeper and tried to understand his way of thinking?” What if I actually started showing more kindness and love, instead of judging him and blaming him for his behavior?

And so, I did it. I learned that the only thing that really helps is being more accepting and supportive of the people we love. No matter how annoyed we are or how irrigated their actions make us, we have to find a way to understand their true reasons for their actions, and then help them work on themselves for as long as they need.

2. FIND OUT WHAT IT IS THAT YOU REALLY WANT

The next step is obvious. If you finally realized that searching for the positive intention behind your partner’s actions, instead of blaming them is a great way to let go of the blame-shame pattern, then now you have to do the same for yourself.

What it is that you really want to change in your partner? If they somehow changed and transformed themselves into the person you wanted them to be, what would they have that they don’t have now?

I have to admit, this one was more difficult for me. But, once I stopped putting the blame on my partner for not giving me what I wanted, I realized one important thing.

How others treat us, depends solely on how we treat others.

If I wanted to be more intimate, accepted, loved and appreciated by my partner, I first had to change my behavior. I realized that I had put myself out there and give him everything he needs. Because you know what they say, it always takes two to tango.

After a few months, I was surprised at how changed my partner was. He was more loving, more passionate and more considerate than before. My change in behavior had successfully triggered him and made him more loving.

3. PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES

Let’s be real. We all get judgmental from time to time. It is a completely natural thing. We have one opinion; our partners have another. We follow a certain type of methods, they tend to develop their own strategies.  Occasionally, that often leads to a disagreement.

And the worst thing, we humans often do is fall right into a feeling of superiority.

The second we realize that our strategy is much more effective than our partners, our ego takes over and we let the feeling of self-righteousness take total control of us.

At such times, it is essential to put a stop at all the judgments, guilt trips and egoistic behaviors and put ourselves in their shoes for a while. After all, we’re just human beings who are in need of love and connection.

It takes a strong will and a lot of practice to get rid of those hurtful patterns, but once you learn these simple methods, your bond with your loved ones will immediately strengthen and your relationship will improve.

How to Make Your Pet Comfortable on a Long Car Trip

By
Elizabeth Williams

Traveling is one of the best experiences you can share with your pet. Most pets love to go on adventures and explore new sights, sounds, and smell. And they love it more when they can share it with their beloved humans. You don’t hesitate to take your four-legged best friend to go hiking or camping with you.

What are you waiting for? Pack your and your pet’s travel essentials, and start your car. Before you hit the road, though, you should get your pet comfortable during the long car ride to lessen their anxiety and increase their excitement for the coming adventure. Here’s how you can do that.

Get Your Pet Accustomed to Being in the Car

If your four-legged isn’t used to traveling by car yet, you need to get them accustomed to it first before the big day. Take them with you when you run errands, go to the grocery store, and pick up your laundry. Go on short drives with them to visit the park or a nearby pet-friendly place.

Going to fun places by car will help them associate car trip as pleasant experiences. Positive reinforcements can also do a lot to make them get accustomed to (and even like) being in the car.

Bring Lots of Treats and Toys

Speaking of positive reinforcements, treats and toys are two things you absolutely need to make your beloved pet comfortable and entertained through the long car ride.

You four-legged best friend can get bored too after being confined in a small, cramped space for hours. They need something to help them past the time. If you don’t want a wet snout distracting you from the road, you need to pack the most interesting and stimulating toys for your pet.

During a road trip, your pet is bound to encounter many unfamiliar sights, sounds, and smells, and unfamiliarity can make them feel insecure and anxious. Letting them play with their favorite toys can help them relax and calm down. Giving them delicious treats during the encounter will also help create a positive association with the stimulus.

Prep Your Vehicle

You want your four-legged best friend to be comfortable during the long road trip, but that shouldn’t come at the cost of a ruined car. Prep your car for the long haul and accompanied chaos of bringing a pet by installing several protective measures.

Cover your car floor with sturdy weathertech mats to shield it from the dirt, mud, and stains your beloved pet is sure to bring in. Use a waterproof and dirtproof car seat cover from your pet’s dusty fur, dirty paws, and constant shedding and slobber.

Make sure to get one made of tough materials in case your pet starts scratching or digging on the seat. Choose a cover with holes to access the seat belts, so you can strap in your pet when it’s necessary.

Some pets love to hang their head outside the car windows to feel the wind and take in all the new smells. Unfortunately, this usually results in a lot of slobber getting on the windows. To prevent this, you can cover your car windows with cling wrap before you leave. You can easily remove the wrap later and replace it with a new cover.

Take Scheduled Breaks

As mentioned earlier, pets can get bored when they can’t move around for a certain period of time. Being stuck in place for long hours (or even minutes) means they can’t use up their energy, so they start getting restless—chewing on the seat, barking up a storm, interrupting you when you’re driving, or trying to jump out of the window.

Toys won’t help when they’ve reached this level of boredom and restless. The only thing that will help is taking them out of the car to stretch their legs (and yours too). The number of breaks you should take depends on your pet’s energy levels and the length of your journey.

If you have a high-energy pet, breaks should be more frequent, like every 30 to 45. For the rest, it should be safe to stop and take a break every hour or so. The quality of the breaks also matters. If you just stand around with your pet on a leash, that won’t help them release their energy and alleviate boredom. Stop nearby a place where it’s safe to take your buddy for a walk and several rounds of fetch.

Sometimes, it’s not about boredom. Maybe your pet needs to pee or do their business. Pay attention for signs that your pet needs to use the toilet if you don’t want them to have an accident inside the car.

Pack All the Pet Essentials

Pack everything your pet needs to sustain them through the long trip. Bring lots of food and drinking water, as well as spillproof bowls to minimize the mess during meal times. After a playing with toys and barking at random pedestrians, your pet may want to settle down and have a nap. Remember to bring comfortable bedding for them. And don’t forget to pack your buddy’s favorite blanket too.

You should be prepared for all kinds of situations and emergencies. Bring a portable grooming kit and pet first aid for you buddy. Pack your pet’s health certificates and identification papers in case you need to present them when you visit a place.

Bring a collar or harness, a leash, and pet travel gear (e.g., booties, a sweater, a raincoat, car seat harness, etc.) to keep your best friend safe on your adventures. Finally, keep a bottle of pet-friendly insect repellent and sunblock to protect your buddy from pesky bugs and harmful UV rays.

Let Your Pet Wear a GPS Tracker

This is more for your pet’s safety (and your peace of mind) than for their comfort, but many unexpected things can happen when you travel, especially to a foreign place. Your pet could get separated from you and get lost. Microchipping can help identify a pet and their owner if someone picks them up, but it won’t help find a lost pet.

The best thing you can do to keep track of your pet’s location at all times is to attach a pet GPS tracker on their collar. You can install the app on your phone and monitor your pet’s coordinates on the map shown.

But you shouldn’t put your pet’s safety in the hands of a device that can be broken or lost. Watch over your buddy closely. If they’re not well-trained enough, keep them on a leash when you go out.

Have a Fun and Safe Trip!

Traveling with a pet requires planning and preparation, but first, you have to get your beloved pet used to being inside the car. And eventually, make them comfortable on long car trips. Fortunately, pets can be trained to create a positive association with car rides with the help of treats, toys, and lots of fun experiences. As soon as your buddy willingly jumps into the car, you can pack your bags and pet essentials and embark on a road trip adventure.

A Memorable Personal Essay

By
Elizabeth Williams

A “personal essay” is a piece of writing on a particular topic from a personal point of view. The author often fuses their personal experiences into the piece. Essays can also be very autobiographical and written in a conversational manner. If you’re working on a personal essay, here’s a basic guide to how you should approach this piece of writing.

Before you begin

When choosing a topic, it needs to be compelling. The best essay topics are very relatable. Although the story itself may be unique to the author’s experience, it contains some universal truth which speaks to everyone. Topics can include facing a fear, falling in love, overcoming an obstacle, discovering something new, or making a difficult choice — all of these things tackle feelings and events that happen in everyone’s life.

Once you have a topic in mind, it helps to make an outline before you start writing. Writing about personal experiences can be a challenge for most, and sometimes the sequence of events can be off or incorrect. Preparing an outline for the body text is a helpful way ensure that everything which needs to be covered is taken care of.  

Writing the essay

By now, you should everything you need to begin writing. Start your personal essay with a strong introductory paragraph. It is very important to draw the reader in during the first few sentences.

Whatever your topic is, you will need to narrow the focus during the essay. The best way to do so is to illustrate it through the lens of a defining incident that is deeply personal to you. Your description should make the reader experience what you experienced.

Your essay should end with your own reflection and analysis. What did you learn? How have the events and thoughts you described changed your life or your understanding of life? It’s not enough to say “and that’s what happened” and end the piece. You have to describe how whatever happened has shaped you.

If writing isn’t your thing, you can always hire a essay writing service. Choosing to hire freelance writers who are skilled experts at their craft may be the perfect option. However, not all services are created equal. You have to be very careful about which service you chose. Pay attention to stats like their originality, quality, and delivery. Also, making sure they have writers who are familiar with American vernacular is important as well. Writers from different countries may be working with language barriers which will not translate well.

Why personal essays still stand firm

Personal essays relate the author’s intimate thoughts and experiences to universal truths. They aren’t simply a retelling of events, though — that falls more in the realm of memoir or autobiography. They conclude with the author having learned, changed, or grown in some way. And they often present some truth or insight that challenges the reader to draw their own conclusions. And they’re still very popular, so don’t feel discouraged about writing them.

Essay collections by late greats like James Baldwin (The Fire Next Time) and David Foster Wallace (Consider the Lobster) still top Amazon’s Best Sellers in essays. Jenny Lawson launched a career with her darkly funny and self-effacing essays about her health and mental illness challenges (Let’s Pretend This Never Happened). Celebrities like Mindy Kaling (Why Not Me?) and Tina Fey (Bossypants) blended personal essays into memoir-esque collections that became best sellers.

Everyone has a story to tell and a message to share. The challenge lies in getting that story and message out of your head and into print in a way that resonates with your audience.

This Goes To Every Woman Who Has Ever Lost Herself To A Narcissistic Guy

By
Riley Cooper

Have you ever been so deeply, madly, and naively in love that you thought you found your forever person? Have you ever loved someone so intensely and passionately that you thought you’d never love anyone that way again? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

But, I believe you already guessed that my love story didn’t have the “…and they lived happily ever after” end.

After we broke up, I was nothing like the person I was before he entered my life. Happiness was just an abstract term to me. I was awash with disappointment, sadness, anger, and loneliness.

For a long time, I wondered if I would be able to find the purpose of my life again. I wondered if I would ever be the woman I used to be.

I wondered if I would be able to love and be happy again.

And you know, I wasn’t always like this. I was one of those women who were happy and found joy in every little thing around them. I was one of those who lived life to the fullest and who were grateful for everything they had in life.

But, dating a narcissistic man changed me. From a person who saw the world as bright and colorful, I became a person who saw nothing else but sadness and grey everywhere around me. My happiness was replaced with depression.

He made me look like just a pale image of the person I once was. He turned my dreams and desires into fears. Fears that I was weak, unworthy, and incapable to pursue my goals and passions.

He made me doubt myself and my worth.

For a long time, I was beating myself for letting him change me. I was ashamed of the person he turned me into and I was ashamed of being a fool.

Although I never admitted it to myself, deep down I knew this man was beyond repair. And still I stayed with him and allowed myself to be tortured. And the more I let him torture me, the more difficult it became for me to leave him and the more I felt unimportant and weak.

I know what you’re thinking now. You think I was too naïve and stupid for allowing him to treat me that way and for staying with him.

But, I trusted him.

I believed he felt the same what I felt for him. There’s a saying love is blind and I know this the best.

Because my love for him prevented me from seeing the cruel truth that was staring me right in the face – the truth that he used all kinds of tricks, little mind games, and manipulation tactics to make me fall in love with him more and more with each new day.

I didn’t see that he had in store thousands of masks behind which he hid his true colors so as to make me believe he deserved my trust and love.

He was the best manipulator, the best actor and I fell for his games.

I believed his words and promises. And I patiently waited for him to fulfill them, but as you can guess, he never did that. He’d just break my soul again and again.

I believed him because he made me feel safe and protected.

He made me feel like I could always count on him for whatever I needed. He acted like he was my greatest help and cheerleader. He promised to protect me from anyone and anything.

But, what I did not know was that this was just one more of his brilliant tactics he used to win my trust and make me let my guard down. And once I broke all the walls I kept around me, it was easier for him to control and play with me in whatever way he wanted.

But my only fault was that I truly loved him.

I loved him deeply and selflessly. I gave my heart, mind, and body to a man who was incapable of loving anyone but himself. A man who instead of doing his best to make me feel loved, he did his best to keep me under his control and play with my feelings.

I believed that my love for him would change him and he’d begin to see me the way I saw him – with eyes beaming with happiness and heart beating wildly.

I thought I was powerful enough to soften his crude heart. But I wasn’t. You can’t teach the man who doesn’t have the slightest idea of what true, unconditional love means love. He simply doesn’t have it in himself.

I let him shake my confidence and blame me for all his problems. I let him make me think I didn’t deserve to be loved. I lost myself to him.

But, I found myself again.

I picked myself up and dusted myself of the hell he put me through.  I never stopped searching for my former self. I fought with every fiber of my being to patch every hole of my soul. I couldn’t allow myself to stay a wreck for the rest of my life.

I thought I’d never be able to collect the broken pieces of my heart, but I was wrong. I put my heart together and healed my wounds.

I realized it wasn’t me who wasn’t good enough and worthy of love – it was him. Loving him was like throwing all my love into an abyss.

And today I’m not only the person I used to be once, but I’m stronger and wiser as well.

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