Raised by a narcissistic mother and an ever-absent father myself, I understand the importance of having mentally stable parents to raise you.

Because ever since we were children, we looked to our parents for love, encouragement, and support. However, when our parents didn’t give us these things, we were forced to develop coping mechanisms in order to survive in the toxic environment.

What’s worse, these coping mechanisms have never left us. Even now, as adults, we are suffering from the traumas of the childhood abuse we went through.

The first healing step of your childhood wounds is your willingness to internalize and process what you went through. This doesn’t mean that you should play the victim and condemn your parents, but to understand your pain to be able to let go of it.  

First, you should understand the difference between two kinds of narcissistic parents:

1. Ignoring Narcissists – are those parents who are not interested in their children’s lives. They neglect their children and set clear boundaries that separate them from their children.

2. Engulfing Narcissists – are those parents that take pride in their children’s achievements because they see them as extensions of themselves. Contrary to the Ignoring Narcissists, the Engulfing Narcissists become obsessively involved in the lives of their children and they don’t have boundaries because they don’t see them as separate people.

What Is Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome?

Narcissistic abuse is an emotional (sometimes physical) abuse done by a person with a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists tend to use abusive and harsh words to alter and control their partner’s behavior in order to manipulate them for their own means. Some narcissists use gaslighting as a powerful tool for manipulation and confusing their partners so that they can do whatever the narcissist wants or needs from them. 

Is Narcissism Inherited?

Yes, narcissism can be inherited. According to the 2014 study, researchers discovered that genetics could indeed play a major role in causing narcissistic personality disorder. Namely, they found that some narcissistic traits are heritable such as entitlement (35% heritable) and grandiosity (23% heritable). 

How Do Narcissistic Parents Behave?

Below are 12 major signs that you were raised by a narcissistic mother and/or father.

1. They owned your accomplishments.

Has someone congratulated you on winning the first prize for your art piece? Your parents must have immediately jumped in and said something in along the lines of, “Yeah, he/she got the talent from me. I was always artistic as a child.” 

2. They constantly insulted you.

They often insulted, berated, harassed, and demeaned you. They took almost every chance they got to latch onto some insecurity that you’ve had and used it for as means of humiliation. 

3. They tried to control you through codependency.

Your (narcissistic) parents were telling you that they needed you and that you must never leave them because they couldn’t live without you. This has made it impossible for you to be independent and to have a separate life from your parents. You forgot your priorities because you were focused on your parents’ needs.  

4. They laid the guilt on thick.

This is another method that your (narcissistic) parents used to control you – by guilt tripping you into doing what they wanted you to do. You have probably heard them say something along the lines of “We have sacrificed everything for you.” In As a result, you feel like you owe them, so you must be obedient and listen to them.

5. They lied to you constantly.

They lied in order to control and manipulate you into getting something out of you. As a result, now you can’t distinguish between what’s real and what’s not because you always expect people to set you up with a hidden trap that you can fall into.

6. They never respected your boundaries.

You didn’t have any privacy when you were growing up. Your parents had a habit to enterof entering your room without knocking, and they were more than happy to go through your things without any second thoughts. Moreover, they used the things they’ve found to blame you.

7. They gaslighted you.

This psychological technique for manipulation is so subtle that the victim is left feeling powerless without even knowing it. Gaslighting is when your parents made make you feel like you are crazy, or that something is wrong with you to get the upper hand. This results in you doubting everything as an adult.

8. They only loved you when you did what they wanted.

You’ve always had the impression that your parents only loved you when you did something they wanted. Otherwise, they gave you the silent treatment. You’ve always felt that you should prove your worth for them to love you.

9. They never showed empathy towards you.

Your parents never asked about your day or cared about your feelings. You felt as if you couldn’t share your feelings with them because they would make fun of you, or they would never listen to you in the first place.

10. They projected their bad behavior onto you.

For instance, in an argument, you’ve probably heard your parent scream hysterically something like: “How dare you to talk to me like that? Go to your room!”

11. They were infallibly correct and NEVER wrong.

Even when they treated you unfairly – they never apologized to you for their mistake. And when you confronted them, they never admitted they made a mistake in the first place. Instead, they put all the blame on you.

12. They wanted to present a ‘perfect’ family image to others.

They most probably went to great lengths to make others to perceive you as the perfect, loving, and successful family that everyone wants to have. Most likely, you were aware of their ploy, but you had to be silent and go with it because you didn’t want to experience your parents’ wrath.

What Are The Signs Of A Narcissistic Mother?

All children rely on their parents’ love and support, and if the children are neglected instead, it can tremendously affect their future development and traumatize them. Likewise, a narcissistic mother cannot give her children the love and affection they need. Instead, she mistreats them and unconsciously abuses them. 

Here are the signs that a mother is narcissistic.

1. A narcissistic mother lacks empathy and compassion. 

 Every (sane) parent feels pain when their child is in pain. Likewise, they feel happy when their child is happy. However, a narcissistic mother lacks empathy. She can’t attune themselves to their children’s emotions. So, the child feels emotionally neglected and invisible.

2. A narcissistic mother doesn’t respect her children’s boundaries. 

She wants complete control and power over her children’s lives, and therefore, she monitors every step they make. She may show up at the place where her children are unannounced, claiming she was in the neighborhood while, in reality, she was controlling them.

3. A narcissistic mother gaslights her children. 

She tells her children they are overreacting. She tells them they don’t remember what happened. She lies to them. She tries to distort reality by making them feel they are always forgetting things. She also attempts to change how they feel by telling them they should be grateful for the things she does for them.

4. A narcissistic mother only treats her children well in public. 

A narcissistic mom acts differently when she is out in public and behind closed doors. When she is at home alone with her children, she may scream at them and abuse them, but when they are out in public, she is affectionate and even boasts about their successes and accomplishments to other people. The truth is, she projects the image of being the perfect mother, but she is far from a good mother. A narcissistic mother presents herself as the victim. 

She does that to gain sympathy from others and also to guilt trip their children to feel sorry for her and then behave like she wants them to. 

What Happens To Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers?

• They believe that love is conditional. Because she grew up with a mother who only loved her when and if she did what she wanted of her. Therefore, she thinks that she first needs to deserve the love of others. 

• They accept manipulation and abuse in relationships. In fact, they not only accept being abused, they expect it. Because they were abused their whole life by the person who should have loved them the most, they think manipulation and abuse are normal things when you love someone. 

• They blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in their life. They think everything is their fault because their mother was telling them they were wrong their entire life.  

• They chase people who don’t love them. In fact, they may spend their whole lives chasing a love that they didn’t have while growing up. 

• They become people-pleasers. They were constantly catering to their mother’s needs, so they became accustomed to people-please anyone. They tend to think only about the needs of others and not their own. 

• They need constant validation and approval. 

• They may become a narcissist themselves. Growing up with a narcissistic mother can turn them into narcissistic person because they think that is the right way. So, they will follow their mother’s example in their relationships with other people. 

• They will likely end up with severe PTSD. 

If you were raised by a narcissistic mother, it is time to heal yourself. Understand what she did to you. Forgive her for not knowing better, and then move on from her. Sit with your pain for a while. Don’t force the healing process. Victims of narcissistic mothers can have severe trauma that cannot be healed immediately. But with time and the right treatment and approach, you can do it. 

On the flip side, here’s what happens to children having narcissistic fathers. 

What Happens To Sons Of Narcissistic Fathers? 

Sons of narcissistic fathers lack self-confidence. They were raised in an environment where their father was constantly absent from their life and made them feel inadequate and undeserving of their love and affection. Their father never gave them the approval they needed as children. They were controlling, power-hungry, and abusive with their sons. They were critical of them whenever they made a mistake yet bragged about them in front of other people. 

Moreover, narcissistic fathers are often physically or emotionally absent and wrapped up in their work or giving in to their addictions, so they don’t have time to spend with their sons. They neglect their sons, and they think that playing games and doing activities with them is unimportant. They think that as long as they provide for them financially, they are good fathers.

As a result, their son starts feeling scared, helpless, enraged and humiliated because of all the injustice and abuse he went through. So, as an adult, he probably will have conflicts with authority and people with power. He may also become confrontational and aggressive, not knowing how to deal with his emotions properly. And anything they do in life, they will feel like it is never enough. So, they will probably give up trying to be successful and end up “floating” in life without direction. 

What Narcissistic Fathers Do To Their Daughters?

Daughters of narcissistic fathers feel inadequate as adults because while they were growing up, their dad was usually absent from their life, and so their “thirst” for dad’s attention and love was never entirely satisfied. They always had to compete for their father’s time and attention. 

And even though their dad was telling them they were beautiful, and they were daddy’s princesses, when it came to having a real connection and bonding, their dad couldn’t bond with them in a real way. Their relationship was merely superficial because their dad was more interested in maintaining his image as “the perfect father” and being out socializing with other people than being at home with his daughters. 

As a grown woman, she feels like she is not enough for a man. She competes with other women for their love interest’s attention and love because she lacks self-confidence. She doesn’t respect herself, and so, she lives with the constant fear that her partner will abandon her for someone else, just like her father was abandoning her. 

How To Heal From Narcissistic Parents

The first thing you should do if you want to heal from the trauma of living with narcissistic parents is to grieve the things you needed but didn’t receive. Feel the pain. And don’t rush the grieving process because it is necessary for your healing. 

Then, learn to set healthy boundaries with people. Stop accommodating others and cater to their needs. Efforts should be equal. Stop putting up with people who are toxic to your well-being and learn how to say no, and cut off people from your life that doesn’t serve you, even if they are your parents. 

And finally, seek healthy and more functional relationships with people who know how to compromise and love you the way you need to be loved.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” says Jim Rohn, famous American author, motivational speaker, and entrepreneur.

Certainly, the type of personality you are surrounded with influences your self-esteem, motivation, attitude, and finally, success. I am sure you have all had an experience of positive energy transmission by spending time with optimistic and communicative individuals. (1)

On the contrary, the personality types that spread negative influence are much more numerous. On the top of that list are – the narcissists.

Narcissism, defined as a mild mental disorder, involves an exaggerated perception of one’s significance and a deep need to receive admiration and recognition from others.

These self-centered people are unable to see the world from someone else’s perspective and classify only their opinion, desires, and plans as important.

In the fight to play the main role in every situation, the narcissist can manipulate, lie or offend those that do not accept them with full admiration. Namely, they have a repetitive form of behavior.

Here are seven clear signs that will help you recognize them and thus deal with them easily:

1. Me, me, me

This is the first and the obvious sign you are dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are egocentric people – they want to present themselves as the best, the smartest, and the funniest.

They can go hours-long storytelling about their smart decisions that changed everything, explaining experiences in which they are the hero or forcing others to agree with their opinions.

Don’t be astonished if they change the topic in a middle of a conversation and start bragging out of nowhere. (2)

2. The Accomplishments Downplay

Being in the same environment with someone more fortunate or more successful is unbearable for a narcissist as these people are unable to share other people’s happiness.

They deal with the situation, unfortunately, by either ignoring or downplaying the accomplishments of their family, friends, and colleagues.

Narcissists at a workplace have a tendency to diminish the work done by their subordinates and make them try harder to satisfy their bosses’ requirements by obeying their orders.

3. Aggression and Fear

Although narcissists are often associated with charming behavior, the reality is slightly different. Frequently, they show symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior by being offensive, complaining about being misunderstood by others, expressing jealousy towards the more successful, and over-criticizing authorities.

They enter a state in which they want to attract attention by opposing everything and everyone. In instances, they go as far as verbally insulting their friends or colleagues as that gives them a sense of supremacy and power. (3)

4. The Victim Game

Narcissists are experts in playing games, and the victim game is one of their most common forms of behavior. They tend to exaggerate the “difficulty” of the situation they are in, overstate their problems and talk about embroidered health issues.

Going as far as inventing problems is not uncommon as well. The psychology behind this behavior lies in their need to attract attention – by making others feel pity.

Moreover, this is a very often used tactic in a situation when a narcissist wants to disguise misbehavior or mistake they have made.  They avoid being blamed for something but rushing in and taking the position of a victim.

5. The Triangulation game

Sometimes, narcissists are in desperate need to have someone that will support them in their arguments. The so-called “triangulation game” they use is very simple: they involve a third party in a conversation and persuade him or her that the opponent is completely wrong until a fight is initiated by the two individuals.

In that way, a narcissist gets a feeling that someone else supports them because they were right in the first place.

6. I am sorry – It’s all your fault!

This game goes one step further than the accomplishments downplay. When a narcissist feels that their superior position in a situation is threatened, they choose the “blame the other” tactic.

By passing the guilt onto the others, they regain their back their feelings of dominance and importance.

7. This is me, like it or not!

Unfortunately, it is almost impossible that a narcissist would ever change. Narcissist Personality Disorder is a medical condition that can be treated only if the person wants to change.

Therapy would not function on somebody that is not aware that they have a problem, or even worse, offering help can initiate an outburst of rage and anger, as they will feel their ego is hurt.

Therefore, healing a narcissist is not something we can do easily. However, what we can do is learn their tactics and always be a step ahead.

How A Narcissist Tries To Manipulate You

Narcissists cannot function without their narcissistic supplies. They always need to have people in their life that will admire them, offer them endless attention, and cater to their needs. Therefore, narcissists often target people who are naïve to their manipulation tactics and easily fall prey to their charm.

Here are the most famous narcissistic tactics for manipulation:

1. The Savior, Judge, And The Controlling Know-It-All

The narcissist wants to be in control. They want domination and power. Therefore, they will always act like they know best, and everyone needs to listen to them. They constantly correct and interrupt others and dismiss their opinions as invalid or stupid. Moreover, a narcissist will always choose submissive people who will allow them to demean, criticize, ridicule, and dominate them on a daily basis. That’s how a narcissist gets their validation and feeds their ego.

2. The Hungry-For-The-Pedestal Narcissist

A narcissist always seeks an environment where they will be admired. They need to feel important and superior to others. That’s why they are often in high positions and constantly look to be surrounded by people who will see them as a God.

3. The Breaker Of The Rules

Narcissists can’t follow rules because they don’t want anything to be above them – even the law. They don’t respect other people’s boundaries, which is also a part of their manipulation tactics because they persuade people to relax their boundaries when it comes to the narcissist. The narcissist uses people, and that gives them “the right” to do whatever they please.

4. The Big Showoff

Narcissists like to boast about themselves and their accomplishments regardless of how irrelevant they are. They will always find an audience for their boasting. They adore telling people how wonderful and amazing they are, what their social status is, and how they are well respected by everyone. They do that to get other people to envy them and feel better about themselves.

5. The Confrontational And Uncooperative Narcissist

Some narcissists are deliberately difficult and confrontational with others because it gives them a sense of importance and power. They want other people to walk on eggshells around them because, in their mind, it is better to be feared and disliked than lose the power and control they think they have. Sometimes, a narcissist will subconsciously make everything difficult just to confirm their inner belief and self-loathing that they are undeserving of love.

6. The Fake Wannabe

Some narcissists live through others to make themselves look worthy and valuable. They use other people to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams and fantasies. So, those who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist are merely the narcissist’s extension. They serve only for the narcissist’s image and to boost their self-confidence because deep down, the narcissist is empty – they feel like nothing.

What Drives A Narcissist Insane?

It is hard to imagine that something can hurt a narcissist. But, a narcissist can get hurt. Here’s what drives a narcissist insane:

– When someone ignores them and gives them the silent treatment. That wounds their ego like nothing else. Because a narcissist thrives on a reaction from you – positive or negative, and when you ignore them, the silence will make them crazy because they will realize that they were not that important to you. 

– When they lose control. That means that they no longer are able to influence and control their victim. A narcissist is a control freak and an emotional psychopath. So, when someone gets free from them, it is a great blow to their ego.

– Being criticized. A narcissist’s self-esteem is extremely low. Therefore, every criticism (even constructive one) is perceived as something terrible and hurts them deeply.

– Not being the center of attention in your world. They can’t deal with the fact that someone else has your attention and love, and it drives them absolutely crazy. Also, they don’t want when you focus on yourself and become the center of attention in your world.

What Happens When A Narcissist Can’t Control You?

Narcissist needs control like they need oxygen. So, when a narcissist loses control, prepare for the worst!

You will see the narcissist rage and lose control. They will shout, scream, and even become violent. You may start fearing them and looking for places to shelter yourself from their wrath. When narcissists lose control over something, their impulsivity comes to the surface, and they can’t control their behavior.

Many narcissists will become verbally abusive, while others may become physically abusive as well. Some narcissists will become passive-aggressive, i.e., they will ignore you and give you the silent treatment to “punish you.” They will “disappear” and “ghost” you to get your attention and regain the lost control.

Moreover, when you catch them red-handed, they will lie to your face and deny everything. The narcissist will never admit they are wrong. You will never get an apology from them. A narcissist is incapable of empathy, and so, when they hurt you, they will turn the situation around to look as if you are the abuser as if you are the one who hurt THEM. They will gaslight you, and you will feel like you are losing your mind.

But, if none of their tactics work, the narcissist will then bait you by pretending they are sorry and they have lost their senses for a minute. They will assure you they love you and that you should give them another chance. DON’T. It’s a trap. All they want is to control you again and make you miserable.

How To Manipulate A Narcissist Into Doing What You Want?

If you want to manipulate a narcissist, the first thing you can do is to admire them constantly. By using admiration as a manipulation tool, you will become an irreplaceable narcissistic supply to them. Second, you should use their insecurities to manipulate the narcissist to value your attention more than the gratification they may get from abusing you.

You should remember that everything a narcissist does is to gather as much narcissistic supply as possible to rest assured that they always have the admiration and the validation they so desire. So, in a way, their biggest asset is their biggest weakness as well. Therefore, if you want to manipulate a narcissist, you should do that by using their fixation on narcissistic supply and pretend to give them what they need while at the same time making them do what you want.

How Do You Tell When A Narcissist Is Done With You?

When a narcissist no longer sees that they can get something from you, when you no longer provide them with a narcissistic supply, then they will discard you.

Here are the most telltale signs that a narcissist is done with you:

• The narcissist no longer bothers to hide their true colors. Their abusive ways will be out in the open for you to see.
• The narcissist will stop love-bombing you. They will no longer shower you with love and attention after being abusive to you. They will simply not care at all about fixing the situation.
• You feel they have changed.
• The narcissist ignores everything you have to say. They stop listening to you and act like you don’t exist.
• Your mere presence will irritate them. They will avoid being on the same room as you.
• The narcissist will become overly critical of you. Everything you do or say will be met with harsh words and insults.
• The narcissist will cheat on you. Moreover, they will no longer hide their unfaithfulness. They will stop lying to you by telling you you are wrong by accusing them of cheating. Instead, they won’t give you any explanation, and if you decide to leave them, they will be okay with it.
• On the flip side, the narcissist may accuse you of cheating and lying. It is their way of projecting their wrongdoings onto you.
• The narcissist will be distant.
• The narcissist will gaslight you.
• The narcissist will treat you like a slave and an emotional punching bag whenever they are bored. They will deliberately do things to hurt you.
• The narcissist will stop taking your calls and replying to your texts.
• Everything you say may become a trigger for their rage toward you.
• The narcissist is always busy looking to find other victims so that they won’t be alone when they finally abandon you.
• The narcissist will improve their looks because they are flirting with other people and maybe even going out with them.
• Narcissist is always busy and they are never home because they are busy doing other things with other people.
• The narcissist stops convincing you to stay. They may even wish for you to leave or tell you that straight to your face.
• They constantly belittle you and act as if they hate you.
• The narcissist looks at you with an empty and cold stare with hatred and anger in their eyes.
• The narcissist refuses to spend any more time with you.
• The narcissist will flirt with others in front of you, and they won’t care.
• The narcissist will eventually ghost you.
• The narcissist will cut all contact with your friends and family.
• The narcissist will spend every asset they can get from you before they leave you.
• They will physically abuse you. And they won’t even be sorry about it.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, please save yourself. Save your life by walking away from them and cutting off any ties you have with them.