A few days ago, I overheard a conversation of two colleagues of mine. They were talking about love, the meaning of that word, the purpose that we humans have on earth and the fact that the word love is easily tossed around like it’s nothing.

But what piqued my interest was their talk about the most common types of love. One of them said that there’s a huge difference between being in love and loving someone. And that was the moment when I had to interfere to ask them for an explanation.

At first, I laughed at them and said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite agree with you. It is the same thing. The person you love is the person you are in love with, right?”

“Well in a way, yes,” said one of my colleagues. And then she started explaining her theory to me.

Suddenly, in that exact moment, everything came back to me.

It was like I had a déjà vu.

I smiled because I remembered.

I remembered how gently those big, green eyes of yours caressed my face when we first met.

I remembered the smell of your skin combined with the scent of your cologne when hugged.

I remembered your palm softly touching mine as you said, “Nice to meet you”.

I remembered what it felt like to have those crazy butterflies in your tummy.

I remembered our first official date and how passionate our kiss was.

I remembered that it was exactly those moments that made me fall in love with you. Those midnight calls, those sweet kisses, the suspenseful wait until our next date, your arms wrapped around my body, your skin against my body, the idea of us, the endless meaningful conversations…everything.

But, then… the closer we got and the more we fell in love with each other…

I saw how fragile your heart is. I learned how much you’ve been hurt in the past, so I wanted to be the one person who would take your emotional baggage and carry it until you feel better. Your personal guardian.

When you told me that you love me, but you are scared of getting hurt, I felt the need to show you just how much I love you. I felt the need to comfort you by letting you know that I am here to stay forever.

And when your whole life, everything that you’ve built, collapsed in front of you, I wanted to be the shelter that you so desperately needed. I just wanted to hold you in my arms and let you know that no matter what happens, you are always safe with me.

That was the moment when I realized that I genuinely love you.

I stopped falling for you because finally, I was sure that I already love you.

So, eventually, I understood what my colleague was saying.

Falling in love with someone and loving them are two completely different things. They may sound like it is the same feeling, but it is the intensity and the depth of those emotions that make them so distinctive.

The temporary effect that those tingly, colorful butterflies in your stomach give you is inevitable. It is a sign that we truly like the person standing next to us. It marks the moment of falling head over heels in love with another person. It is the initial attraction.

But, loving another person is making a decision that you are going to devote both your heart and soul to them. It is holding their hand and standing next to them in the pouring rain. It is sticking with them through thick and thin. It is fighting together against every obstacle that is trying to pull you apart. It is sacrificing.

That is why I am done falling for you. I just love you.

Harmonious, happy, successful relationships don’t just happen. Romantic relationships of this kind are those that are worked on. Those that both partners put an equal amount of time, energy, and effort in.

Relationships are dynamic and they reflect everything that both partners experience. Due to all the changes and struggles couples are faced with, relationships need to be based on a firm foundation. Otherwise, they might not withstand the pressure and easily fall apart.

So, how can you ensure your relationship is built on a solid foundation?

Well, there are two things you need to remember. The first one is that relationships require constant attention and care in order to thrive. And the second one is that the healthiest and happiest relationships have partners who regularly evaluate their contributions to their relationship.

They make sure they make a change when their relationship hits a rough patch, and they try to identify how their beliefs, habits, and behaviors affect the quality of not only their everyday communication but their relationship as well.

And most importantly, they’re willing to change parts of their personalities if they know this will benefit the health of the relationship and promote its growth.

Here are 8 ways to strengthen your relationship and be a better partner:

1. Focus on your annoying habits, not your partner’s.

We all have quirks and irritating habits. So, your partner probably does a lot of things that get on your nerves: leaving wet towels on the floor, making a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, or snoring.

But have you ever thought about the things that you do that annoy your partner? Well, if you haven’t, know that you should often do this. Because it is these seemingly unimportant annoying things that can create tension and bring about conflict in the relationship.

2. Leave your baggage out of the relationship.

We all carry burdens of our past. We’ve all made mistakes, failed, and experienced heartbreak. We’ve all been through problems and pain. In one word, we have all suffered.

However, the burden you carry can sometimes prevent you from maintaining and strengthening your present and future relationships. 

Therefore, you need to make sure you leave your baggage in the past and start afresh.

3. Give your partner your undivided attention.

No matter how busy your day is and how many daily responsibilities you need to take care of, make sure you spend good quality time with your partner. And when they’re sharing their worries and problems with you, or just telling you how their day was, make sure you’re really present there and that you’re actively listening to them.

Let them know you care about them and about what they have to say. Let them know that spending time with them is not just one of your daily obligations, but it’s something you enjoy doing.

4. Don’t complain, solve your problems instead.

Complaining about your personal or relationship problems won’t make them go away or make you feel better. So, instead of always whining and creating stress in the relationship, try to recognize and better understand the thing you’re complaining about and then think of ways you can change it.

Whether you’ll ask for someone’s help or repeat positive statements, just make sure you do something about the things that bother you and avoid creating stress in your own and your partner’s life.

5. Control your reactions.

Yes, you have the right to be sad, frustrated, angry, or mad when you argue with your partner. And you have the right to express your emotions. But you need to make sure that you don’t let your strong, negative emotions affect your actions or decisions and that you don’t take your anger and frustration out on your partner.

You need to control your reactions because no matter how sad or angry you feel, no one should put up with your emotional outbursts, yelling, or drama.

6. Try to understand your partner’s side of the story.

When we disagree with our partner, it’s a natural reaction to stick to our side of the story and search for enough evidence to support our point of view as well as prove that the other person is wrong.

But have you ever tried to switch sides and support your partner’s side of the story? You might be surprised, but this is how couples often solve their disagreements. The thing is that the more you concentrate on and try to understand your partner’s point of view, the more validity you find in their opinion.

And when you approach the disagreements in your relationship this way, you get to see how selfish, stubborn, and inconsiderate we can sometimes be.

7. Provide favors.

Do not only ask for them. Of course, you shouldn’t feel ashamed or hesitant to ask your partner for a favor, but if you’re never willing to provide one yourself, you can be sure that this will only create negative feelings in the relationship and prevent you from establishing a good rapport.

So, make sure you do something nice for your partner every day. And it doesn’t have to be anything big. Make them breakfast in bed, give them a 5-minute back massage, or just tell them ‘thank you’ when they do something nice for you.

This will certainly make you the best partner, you can take my word for it.

8. Last but not least, get enough sleep.

We all know how edgy, grumpy and sensitive we get when we don’t get enough sleep. We can’t act properly, we make unwise decisions, and we overreact – yes, we do all the things that can cause tension and conflict in a relationship.

On the other hand, when you’re rested, you’re able to think straight and you have better control over both your emotions and reactions.

Dear soulmate,

I know that you already know this about me, but I have to say it once again. I feel like I have to get it off my chest.

I DO NOT trust people. It is really difficult for me to open up to someone. I hope that even though it’s confusing, you can still somehow understand what I am saying, because this… This is hard for me as well.

The truth is, I have been hurt too many times. I’ve been disappointed by people I once swore that they could never betray me. I’ve been mistreated by people whom I loved very much. My heart has been broken in thousands of pieces and glued up all over again, too many times to even keep track.

So, as a result, I am condemned to live in fear. I am cursed. Every time a person approaches me, I get the feeling that if I don’t put my shield up and protect myself, I will most likely end up down the same rabbit hole of utter disappointment and misery.

I cannot help myself. Everyone around me is a potential threat to me. Every person around me can crush my heart at every given moment. Everyone has the power to hurt me if I’m not careful enough.

That is exactly why I need you to know this.

I will trust you and commit to you, only if you make sure to reveal your true intentions to me.

I don’t want to be the needy, overly-attached girlfriend who stalks her boyfriend. I don’t want to be the paranoid girlfriend who doesn’t know where her boyfriend is. I don’t want to become the insecure girlfriend who is wondering whether her man loves her as much as he says he did. I simply don’t want to commit to someone who is not ready to be with me. I don’t want to give myself away to someone who is afraid to love me the way I deserve to be loved.

That is why I need you to know how I feel. I need to understand the songs of your heart. I need to read the poems your soul wrote. I need to come face to face with the real you.

Trust me when I say this… I don’t give a damn about your past or your previous relationships as long as you let me know that I am your present and your future.

Your past is not something that interests me. I know that you’ve had a few failed relationships. And I know that you haven’t been the world’s best partner. But that is fine. We’ve all made mistakes. And as I said, I don’t really care about anyone else besides us.

I don’t care about your partners, I don’t care about your previous relationships and I don’t care about your past mistakes. The only thing I care about is the person you are today. What you’ve learned from those mistakes. And how much you’ve matured throughout the years. The only thing I care about is how you treat me.

Because, if you are open about your innermost feelings with me and love me with all of your heart, I will love you back. I will show you what real love feels like and you will make me the happiest person alive. But that is only if you let me know that I am the only one.

If you betray me, you won’t get a second chance. And if you break your promise, I swear to you… You will never see me again. 

My heart has already endured too much pain as it is.

You only get one chance. Use it wisely.

The brutal truth is that if he really loved you, he’d make sure you know it.

Therefore, stop making excuses for him and justifying his behavior.

If he felt about you the way you feel about him, he wouldn’t make you doubt his love for you. He wouldn’t leave you waiting for the little crumbs of love he throws your way.

If he truly cared about you, he’d act like it.

You need to stop spending all your time and energy on a man who doesn’t give you anything in return. A man who doesn’t even deserve a tiny bit of your attention.

You need to stop giving your heart and soul to a man who doesn’t know what to do with them. A man who doesn’t know your worth. A man who doesn’t know how to love.

You need to stop fighting for a man who has given up on you a long time ago. A man who has never truly loved you.

Why?

Because you always do this and every time, you end up feeling more hurt, more desperate, and more lost.

Every time, you wonder why he doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about him. Why he doesn’t love you the way you love him.

You wonder how he can’t feel butterflies in his stomach as you do when he’s around.

You try hard to get the answers and, still, nothing makes sense to you.

It’s hard. I know it’s hard.

It’s hard to admit to yourself that the person you thought you were going to be with forever has never been interested in you the way you thought he was.

It’s hard to accept the fact that the person you planned to spend your life with has never imagined you as a part of his future.

But you know, it’s always better to accept the truth, no matter how harsh and painful it is, than to lie to yourself. Or even worse – let another person lie to you and make a fool of you.

It’s better to let go of someone who doesn’t deserve you than fool yourself believing in a love that doesn’t exist.  

So, stop!

Stop hoping that he’ll change.

Stop allowing him to treat you like you don’t exist. Like you’re a ghost.

Stop begging for his attention and love – he’s not worth it.

A man who doesn’t appreciate the amazing things he has in life and who doesn’t know the meaning of love is not worth your time, efforts, and sacrifice.

He’s not worth your tears.

He’s not worth your love.

You deserve someone way better than him.

So, stop chasing after him.

Stop settling for less than what you deserve.

Stop focusing on him and look deep down into your soul. There, you’ll find your strength and all the good things you have in your life that are truly worth fighting for.

There, you’ll find your worth.

Stop waiting for him to start loving you.

I know it’s easier to fantasize and believe in miracles than look truth in the face and accept your pain, but this does you no good. It just prevents you from growing and reaching your happiness.

It prevents you from living the life you deserve.

It turns you into a slave of someone who doesn’t deserve you.

I know you’re tired of getting your heart broken time and time again. You’re tired of torturing yourself over someone who doesn’t love and will never love you.

So, stop it. You don’t have to do this.

Pluck up enough strength and walk away. You owe this to yourself.

You deserve someone better …

And you will find him.