Not everybody is worthy of admiration nowadays. People choose to be fake to gain attention. However, attention is not something admirable people crave for. They stay true to themselves and do not pay attention to what others think about them.

Staying true to yourself takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifices. Perhaps the greatest sacrifice is learning that staying true to yourself means letting go of many falsehoods and misconceptions of who you truly are.

And once you understand your true self, these 8 traits come naturally. They are the object of admiration for many, and something not everyone is brave enough to become.

1. Perceiving fear differently

If you want to control someone, give them something to fear. If you want to stop someone, give them a good reason to be afraid. However, people who cannot be influenced by fear are those who have learned that fear is just an emotion – not a reality.

These people are not fearless – lack of fear would be dumb in many cases. No, they can also be afraid, but fear does not paralyze them. They find fear to be just another of the driving forces that inspire them to take the essential steps and move forward.

These people will conquer that fear and create a reality where there is nothing to fear anymore.

2. Avoiding gossip

Gossip is the poison of the mind. While you focus on discussing other people, you start forgetting that your life is never perfect and that you should rather use that intense focus on yourself.

Those who can be called ‘admirable’ know this, and if they need to talk about someone’s negative traits, they will rather have a heart to heart conversation with that person and try to help them understand the error of their ways.

In the end, what is the use of gossiping? Fun? They do not see this anywhere near fun. There is nothing fun in pointing out someone else’s flaws when nobody is flawless anyway.

3. Being a good listener and learning about others

Everybody is a universe of their own, so different than the rest. These people love to learn more about people; they love to learn more from them. They will always listen carefully and put much thought in the conversations with others.

They are fascinated by the idea of discovering someone else for who they truly are, and delve deep into their world and their ways of seeing things.

4. Being selective of friends

Friends are not a number, and they will never be. Friends, in the real meaning of the word, are people you can trust and you can rely on. Admirable people are aware of this, and they are very careful about whom they let in their lives.

They will not just hang around with anyone. They like to be around people they can put their faith in. For these people, they are ready to do everything, and they know that they will never regret it.

5. Appreciating rationality and avoiding idiocy

How many of the people around you can you call ‘idiots?’ Admirable people avoid those who tend to lean on that side. They would rather speak to themselves in the mirror than exchange even a glance with someone whose irrationality spreads like cancer.

It is not that they are arrogant. On the contrary, the people they avoid like being arrogant with the little knowledge they have gathered from who knows where. They are aware that arrogance is the end of rationality, and they always tend to be as humble as possible when it comes to knowing things.

6. Not craving for attention

Have you found someone who does anything to get some attention as admirable? That is correct. Admirable people never seek attention. The attention they get from people is inspired by their acts, not their needs.

These people focus on what they should do next and what goal they should achieve by doing so. They do not need the approval of others, but they do like to discuss things, especially if someone believes that they are doing something wrong.

7. Aware of one’s imperfection

Admirable people are not perfect (nobody is). And they know this very well. They can feel insecure, challenged, afraid, overwhelmed – and they admit this. They are aware of their weaknesses, and they are ready to face each one of them.

They see challenging and tough situations as the best place for growth and they devise constructive approaches to solving the problems that come ahead.

8. Being kind and nurturing

Those who deserve admiration are not successful people ready to take advantage of other people’s misery. Admirable people will always be kind to those who deserve their kindness and nurturing to those in need, no matter their status.

They do not do this out of the need to be called ‘saints.’ You would not even know how many people they did help, as they find this to be something very sensitive to discuss or brag about.

They have great love for people, but they can also be fierce and unforgiving. It all depends whether those people are truly people or things that were once people.

Even if you think that some things are good for your child, they may turn out to be very damaging to their personality in the long run.

Parenting is like walking on a silken thread over a pit full of snakes. One wrong step and your child becomes the snake. But really, no matter what you do, there will always be someone that will say that you are doing things wrong.

However, being too ‘something’ of anything means that you are stepping on a forbidden terrain that will eventually turn your child into something you will not like them to become. You cannot be too strict, and you cannot be too lenient, and so on, and so forth.

So, how can you know when you are crossing the line? Here are 5 things many parents do and do not notice that they are in fact spoiling their children.

Stressing yourself over every of your child’s whims and wishes

Children have a very easy way of making their parents do everything they wish for – crying and tantrums. Many parents think that a child should never cry, and that they should always feel pleased; that they should always have it their way.

Still, you are forgetting that your job as a parent is not to be a wishing machine that will fulfill every of their demands. Since when does a child know how to grow into a complete individual?

As a parent, your job is to teach your child that unless things are necessary, they cannot always have what they want and they cannot always have it their way. If they do not like it, they can cry it out, but you should not spoil them by stressing over their crying.

Instead, explain to them that they cannot have it their way always and that if they want to cry, they can just tell you when they are finished. Parenting requires some soberness. It is not like your child is going to stop existing if they start crying.

Attributing misbehavior to their age (and justifying it!)

No! If it is just a child, it does not mean that they can misbehave and act without any manners. Yes, children are of course childish, but that does not make them little monsters! Only by allowing such behavior because of their age will they turn into little (and later big) monsters.

The truth is, your child can do a lot more than you imagine. They know what respect, manner, generosity, self-control, and empathy mean. They know how to exercise these traits. They also know that whatever they are encouraged to do, they will do.

If you want to encourage good behavior, you should not justify bad behavior. Instead, teach them to apologize, disapprove any foul acts, and always encourage rational thought before irrational action.

Not allowing others to scold them

Bad manners are bad manners. And when your child does these things, it is not only you who notices them. People who care enough will try to explain to your child that such things are wrong, and they might get even strict while doing so.

So, why getting mad over this? Many parents protect their child from being disciplined by teachers or other adults, even if the child was the one who was misbehaving. Of course, a parent wants to protect their child from any harm, but this is not harm. In fact, the ‘protection’ your child receives at that moment is the greatest harm.

Jumping between the adult and your child because your child is being scolded will only send a damaging lesson. Your child will start believing that nobody would do anything to stop them from misbehaving because perhaps that behavior is a good thing.

Paying too much attention

You should pay attention to your child. But should you pay too much attention? Of course not. Whoever thinks that there is no such thing as too much attention, is wrong. Your child needs to learn to behave independently and to be on their own.

Some parents would gladly put their peace and health on the line because their child asked for something. You should teach your child of their responsibilities from an early age and help them learn how to do their part in the house.

Just like you are not a wishing machine, you are also not your child’s servant. Instead, teach them that you have a life of your own too and that although they are the biggest part of your life, you need to do other things as well – and that they can help.

Teach them to be attentive toward you as much as you are toward them, and you will balance things out.

Using shortcuts

This is perhaps the greatest problem of 21-century parents. Whenever your child gets bored and it is too often, parents put a screen in their hands and play them YouTube, give them games to play, you name it.

Perhaps technology is the easiest shortcut to a child crying out of boredom. Or is it? Shortcuts never pay off. In the short run, you will have a child whose whim has been satisfied, but in the long run, they will think that they should always get immediate satisfaction from everything.

Teach your child patience and explain to them that they cannot always get what they want the minute they think of it. And then again, as a parent, you need to know how to have fun with them and bond. Why leave them to their gadgets when they have a living person next to them?

If you are waiting for the bus, play ‘I spy with my little eye’; when cooking, have them help you around with easy tasks. You get it. Your child needs a parent who will also be their best friend.

Become a child and play with them – don’t leave them to glowing screens, while you are thinking of what the next shortcut should be to avoid them for a little while longer.

You are not a wishing machine, you are not their excuse to misbehave, and you are not their source for things. As a parent, do not forget that your job is to raise a healthy individual with high moral values and proper behavior.

So, yes: be strict, be loving, be caring, be attentive, be everything your child needs to become and never be too much of anything.

Spread the awareness and share!

Copyright © Curious Mind Magazine

There is not a single recipe for happiness. However, there are some 12 fundamental things that I see happy people practice that unhappy people do not do.

When we start thinking about happiness, we cannot help but notice how many unhappy people are out there in the world. And with the mass exposure of social media, it has become a regular thing for us to watch and read every day about people’s tragedies and unhappiness.

Nevertheless, happiness is a choice. And even though everyone wants to be happy, not everyone chooses happiness. The desire to be happy alone is not enough. It is our every day’s conscious choice to be happy that matters.

Below are 12 things that happy people choose to practice every day that can be useful to you as well.

1.  Stop focusing on things you don’t have, and start focusing on things you do have.

Gratefulness is the thing that separates happy people from unhappy people. Being grateful and showing appreciation for the things that you have releases the hormone serotonin that is responsible for your happiness. Contrary, ungratefulness is the path which leads towards a deep unhappiness.

Practice gratitude every day by counting the blessings that you have in your life. Write them down if you need. This simple and easy technique will fill you up with positive energy and happiness that will last through your day.

2.  Ask yourself if you really need the thing that you desire.

Many unhappy people are unhappy because they want something that they can’t have at the moment. Contrary to them, happy people are always looking for the source of their desires. If they want a material thing, they would ask themselves: Do I really need it? Who sells it?

Social media is a powerful tool for marketing, and you should be more careful not to let it entrap you. Next time when you feel like you are the only one who is not living her ‘dream’ life, remember that nothing ever looks as it is presented to you.

3.  Practice generosity.

People who are generous tend to look always on the bright side. They are selfless and ready to offer a helping hand to anyone in need. And because of this trait, they can see the core of the things and people. And since they notice only the good in people – they are happier themselves.

In contrast, selfish people focus only on themselves and their needs which make them isolated and miserable. So, you should always bear in mind that a generous heart is a happy heart!

4.     Remember that happiness is not a final destination.

When it comes to happiness, it is the journey that matters – not the destination. You can learn how to enjoy the ride without thinking about the destination that you need to reach.

Many experts would agree that happy people are never conscious of their happiness. It is a thing that comes naturally to them. They are not aware of their happiness because they don’t have to be- it is a normal state for them.

5.     The control over your life and happiness is in your hands.

Happy people all know and practice this. They take full control and responsibility for their lives. When they notice that something is bothering them – they remove the thing that is bothering them. When they feel like they are not on the right path in life – they change their direction.

Moreover, they practice implementing things that would make them happy in their life. When they decide they want to learn to play the guitar – they take lessons. When they decide they want to get college degree – they get it!  It is really that simple.

6.     Sometimes you have to slow down.

No matter how cliché it sounds – you need to start appreciating the little things in life. Even if you are a workaholic and constantly moving, schedule some time from your day to do nothing. Or, you can find a hobby that you love.

Your choice to dedicate a small portion of your day to do the things you love, (or not do anything) will clear your mind and energy from all the negativity that you collect through your busy day.

7.     You must realize that in the path of a happy life there are no shortcuts.

There are people out there who get disappointed if they did not win the lottery, and their plans to become rich and successful overnight fall through. These people are those who are the most unhappy and miserable.

Happy and fulfilled people know that there is no short way in life. They do everything in order: they get their education, find a job, work hard, pay their bills, and pursue their dreams – be it forming a family, or traveling the world, or something else.

8.     Stop feeling that you are entitled to anything.

The sooner you accept the fact that no one owes you anything, the better. Instead, it helps to assume that no one will help you, you must do it on your own.

Happy people are those people who do not expect anything from anyone. That way they do not get to be disappointed. And, if anything good comes in their way – it is a plus!

9.     Add significance to the world.

The ability to add significance to the world is a trait that only the most genuine people possess. They want to make the world a better place for living because they love and appreciate their lives.

People who are in love with life and feel like their existence matters are one of the truly fulfilled and happy people in the world.   

10.    Be always willing to forgive.

Happy people forgive themselves, and they forgive others as well. They do not want to burden themselves with negativity and resentment with other people’s mistakes. That is why they choose to forgive others and move on.

Also, they forgive themselves too. They forgive their failures, their wrong choices, their mistakes. This is what makes them at peace with themselves and truly happy at their core.

11.    Always choose to have a great attitude.

Happy people do not let things or situations to control them. They know that while they cannot change other’s behavior – they can always control how they will react to it.

This quality puts them in a very favorable position since they do not let others influence their happiness.

12.    Speak life.

People who pick their words gently and carefully, whose words encourage and motivate rather than diminish and ridicule – are people who are genuinely happy in their lives.

They firmly believe in the saying that if you don’t have anything nice to say to someone, it is better to not say anything at all.  

So, go on! Follow the happy people out there by implementing these 12 things daily, and you will notice the difference.  

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Alex Korb, a UCLA neuroscience researcher, reveals 4 scientifically proven rituals that will drastically change your life and make you happy.   

There are all kinds of advice on the Internet that tell you the ‘recipe’ for happiness. Some advice is good, some not so good. However, if you are looking for a scientifically proven way on how to make yourself happy – neuroscience has the answer.

A UCLA neuroscientist, Alex Korb, shared his insights on this topic in a book called “The Upward Spiral.”

His recipe for happiness is based on doing these 4 small rituals that can change your life for the better:

1.     The most important question to ask yourself when you are feeling down

It is a normal thing to feel guilty or ashamed about something. This is not necessarily a bad thing since these feelings of guilt and shame activate the brain’s reward center.

According to Alex, feelings of pride, shame, and guilt activate the same centers in the brain including the prefrontal cortex, insula, amygdala, and the nucleus accumbens. The feeling of pride is the most intense one, and it affects all these areas, except for the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame prevail.

This is an explanation of why it is so easy to blame ourselves and start worrying. It is because we are activating the reward center in our brain, and worrying gives us the short-term feeling like we are doing something about the problem.

In fact, worrying can increase the activity in our brain’s prefrontal cortex while decreasing the activity in the amygdala. Even though this seems contradictory, it shows that when we feel anxious about some problem, the mere feeling of worry is better than doing nothing, because worrying can give us a sense that we are at least doing something about it.

However, these feelings of guilt, shame, and worry are not long-term solutions. So, the question is: What we should do instead? Neuroscientists all suggest that we should ask ourselves this question: What am I grateful for?

Expressing gratitude can, in fact, affect our brain at biological levels, by raising the levels of dopamine and serotonin in the brain. This is because when we try to remember the things we are grateful for our brain focuses only on the positive aspects of our life.  

Moreover, if you feel like there is nothing in your life to be grateful for, the sole search for things to be grateful about is enough.

Finally, this feeling of gratitude increases the emotional intelligence, and with higher levels of emotional intelligence, it is easier for us to become more grateful and appreciate the little things in life. 

Besides, gratitude not only makes our brain happy – it creates positive feelings in all our relationships.

2.     Label negative feelings

When you are experiencing negative emotions, it is best to give those feelings a name, be it sad, angry, anxious, or depressed – whatever it is that you are feeling.

In a study called “Putting Feelings Into Words,” participants were asked to view pictures of people with emotional facial expressions. As predicted, their amygdala activated when they saw the pictures. However, when they have been invited to name the emotion that they see, their ventrolateral prefrontal cortex went up and decreased the emotional reactivity levels of the amygdala.

In other words, with naming the emotions they saw on the pictures, participants reduced the emotional impact the pictures had on them.

Moreover, Alex found that trying to suppress emotions does not work and can easily backfire on you. When people try to suppress a feeling and look confident and positive, they are always failing. Because while they think that they look fine from the outside, the negative feelings they feel inside can become even more intense when consciously suppressed.  

 The solution? Labeling the emotions you feel can sure make a great difference. Try to use few, simple words when describing the feeling. Being clear and concise can drastically reduce the emotion you are feeling.

3.     Make a decision

Sometimes, making a simple decision can give us a sense of accomplishment and put us at ease. Neuroscience also agrees that making decisions can reduce the feelings of anxiety and worry, and can help us to solve our problems more efficiently.

The process of making a decision includes the intent to make a decision first and then setting the goals through this decision-making process. All these three components activate the brain’s prefrontal cortex positively, thus eliminating the negative feelings we experience. This allows us to change our perception of the world and focus on solving the problem rather than act impulsively.

Therefore, when it is hard for us to make a decision, neuroscientists suggest that we do not need to make a 100% best decision, but it is enough to make a “good enough” decision.  

When we try to make a ‘perfect’ decision, our brain overwhelms and gets confused making us feel like we are out of control. When we opt for ‘the best’ rather than ‘good enough’ decision, the emotional ventromedial prefrontal activity in our brain is very high which leads further to an emotional mess.

Finally, when we make a decision we immediately start feeling like we are in control over our lives, and this feeling of having it all figured out reduces stress and boosts our pleasure levels.

For instance, this explains why it is so hard for some people to go to the gym regularly. When we feel like we should go to the gym, but we have not made that decision voluntarily – our brain does not get the necessary pleasure boost; it feels only stress, and this is not a good way to start with a new habit.

4.     Touch people

Not in a sexual way, but in a loving and understanding way. Meaning, show people you care about them and get these feelings of love and care back. Because, the thing is – we all need to feel loved and accepted by others.

Neuroscience also confirms this to be true. In one study, participants were asked to play a ball-tossing video game. They were told that they are playing against real human players, when in fact they were playing against a computer.

So, when the “other players” (i.e., the computer program) ceased to play nice and share the ball, the real people’s brains responded in the same way as they would if they had experienced physical pain.

This is the reason why physical touch and emotional connection with others is so important when it comes to our happiness.

Touching is very powerful, and a simple hug or a handshake can do the trick.

In fact, some studies have proved that physical touch reduces pain. For instance, one MRI study scanned the brain of a married woman as she was told that she would receive a small electric shock. When she heard this, her brain’s centers of pain and worry increased. However, when she got hold of her husband’s hand, these feelings suddenly diminished.  

Moreover, studies have also shown that hugging produces the oxytocin hormone that is responsible for our happiness.  So, go on, hug someone today and make them happy!

Share and spread the awareness!

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Revealing your ambitions and plans changes your self-perception to the illusion that you have already attained the identity toward which you are striving – and that is where your ambition ends.

Success is not a goal, but rather the moment when you have reached your goals. Many have tried to find the perfect recipe for success, and many have succeeded. However, on the road to success, there is one thing that keeps the successful going: goals.

Ranging anywhere from short-term to long-term goals, these steps and ideals toward which we strive and work hard to achieve are what makes the recipe for success. And no matter your profession, it is goals that make up the stepping stones to the top.

You may have heard people saying that you should never reveal your plans for success. Many think that this is just a superstitious or selfish claim that has nothing to do with your real ability to succeed.

However, psychologists will agree that speaking about your plans and intentions is indeed bad luck. While this has nothing to do with superstition, the very act of revealing your goals will lead to losing the necessary energy that you have had in the first place.

In a paper published in Psychological Science, researchers from New York University, Universitat Konstanz, and the University of Sheffield have shown how announcing your intentions regarding your future success ideals, in fact, wears those same intentions down.

They attribute this to the vital role of our identity goals. An identity goal is a goal which influences the way you perceive yourself – your concept of who you are. There are many identity goals, and one of them is your career choice.

Our aims for success are in fact part of the picture we create about ourselves of who we want to become one day – our identity goal.

The difference between the reality and the goals is one that requires work, and we are not satisfied until we reach that goal.

However, the studies have shown that once you announce this identity goal to others, you already start creating it in your head as if it already exists. It is because the people you announce this goal to start perceiving you as the person you want to become.

This perception that others have begun creating about ourselves actually starts fooling our minds that we have already achieved part of that identity goal. This makes our energy for that goal to start waning, and we eventually lose our grit.

It is no wonder that those who have been laughed at when announcing their ambitions and goals are usually the ones who succeed in achieving success.

The more convincing you seem about for what you want to become, the more people believe that you can – and they start seeing you as one.

The more they see you as being successful, the more you start perceiving yourself as being successful – and thus you stop working toward that success.

So, next time you have something planned, keep it to yourself and talk about it only when you have achieved it.

In the end, success is recognized without you saying anything about it. If you plan on bragging before you do anything, consider that you will not manage to do it (unless you are being laughed at).

Success comes quietly.

Share if you agree!

Copyright © Curious Mind Magazine

Based on a work at http://www.psych.nyu.edu/gollwitzer/09_Gollwitzer_Sheeran_Seifert_Michalski_When_Intentions_.pdf.