Toxic people…We all have dealt with them at some point in our life. They’re highly negative, self-centered, controlling people that use a myriad of manipulation techniques to take advantage of you.

They come in all shapes and sizes. They’re the caring and dedicated family member; the lovely and generous friend; the supportive co-worker; the affectionate and loyal partner – they’re everywhere around you. Yet, due to the fact that these people are very good at hiding their true colors and manipulating others in subtle ways, most people fail to realize they’re dealing with them until it’s too late. Until a considerable emotional damage is done.

How to spot a toxic person.

Dr. Nancy Irwin and author and therapist Shannon Thomas explain how you can spot toxic people and handle them effectively. They say you know you’re dealing with a toxic person if they make you feel emotionally drained and negative when you interact with them. What all toxic people have in common is that they’re constantly judgmental and needy, and they enjoy bringing you down and downplaying the importance of what you do.

They can affect your emotions, opinions, and the way you see yourself and your worth. They can make you believe their lies and coerce you into doing something you wouldn’t normally do. They can even make you question your own logic and sanity.

In order to avoid their toxic grip and never fall prey to their devious mind games, you need to be able to identify the signs that show a toxic person is trying to manipulate you.

These are the 3 most important ones:

1. They’re consistently blaming you.

They can make a thousand mistakes and make you feel uncomfortable and hurt your feelings, but they’ll never take responsibility for that, let alone apologize to you. Instead, they’ll always shift the blame onto you. For example, if they have a bad day or make a mistake at work, they’ll tell you that it’s your fault because you annoyed and stressed them out the other day.

One thing you should remember is that there’s no use confronting them about something they did, they will never admit it. They’ll pretend to be kind and innocent whereas you’ll always be the bad one.

2. They demand your full attention.

Yeah, it’s all about them. A toxic person will demand you give them all of yourself and if you refuse to do that, they’ll criticize and make you feel bad.

They expect you to spend the most of your time with them and to distance yourself from other people, be that family members or friends. In fact, they can be quite controlling when it comes to that.

For example, if you have a toxic partner, they’ll try to make you avoid your friends, but of course, they’ll do this in a subtle way. Their typical comment would be: “I feel like you’re neglecting me and don’t care about me anymore while you always make time for your buddies.”

And if you agree to make them the center of your attention, it’s very likely you’ll end up isolated from your friends and others who truly care about you. And that’s what a toxic person wants the most.

3. You never know what version of them you’re getting.

A toxic person will make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You can never tell what type of mood they’ll be in, and you have to be careful about what you say around them for fear of repercussions.

For example, if you say something (unintentionally or deliberately) that annoys or doesn’t suit them, let alone complain about something they did, get prepared to endure their negative and harsh comments about how much terrible you are.

It’ll be hard for you to tell what version of them you’re getting – the good one or the bad one. They can be kind, friendly, and supportive one moment and start making an emotional scene and blaming you for something that’s not your fault the next.

How you can effectively steer clear from their toxicity.

Limit your contact with them.

You should try limiting your contact with them until there’s none. Start by gradually reducing your interactions with them and set boundaries.

For example, when a person who you know is toxic calls or texts you, don’t respond to them right away. Instead, wait for a half an hour to pass and then call them back. In this way, you’ll show them you’ve become detached and that you can’t be always available to them.

Of course, limiting your contact with a toxic person can be difficult, especially if they’re a family member or your partner. But, by giving yourself some distance and setting clear boundaries, you’ll pull this through more easily.

Give yourself time to heal.

Even if you succeed in removing a toxic person from your life, you’ll still have to deal with the emotional damage they’ve caused you. The healing process might not be as easy as you expect because it can’t happen overnight. You need to give yourself time to heal.

Use your experience as a valuable lesson and don’t blame yourself for falling into their harmful trap.  Be patient and surround yourself with people who honestly love and respect you and have a positive influence on you.

Image source: Benjamin Thomes

The old saying time heals all wounds can be true only if we know how to make good use of that time. When life knocks you down, it’s you who needs to get things under control and firmly stand on your feet again.

Sooner or later, we all experience difficulties in life. We go through problems that can discourage and make us feel disheartened and lost. But, we are all capable of taking power back into our own hands and make changes that will help us move forward. All you need to do is to be willing and find the strength within yourself to make the necessary changes.

Following are 21 ways you can do that, and remember: Life is tough, but so are you!

1. Focus on the present the most and on the past the least.

We all carry burden from our past. Yet, there’s no use racking your brain about something that happened in the past – you can’t change it. You need to forgive yourself and use your past mistakes and failures as valuable lessons.

And because you never know what tomorrow will bring, you only have your present to focus on and embrace.

2. Be honest.

Be honest and always tell the truth to other people no matter how harsh or painful it is. Make sure you never bring yourself into a situation where you’d have to lie. And most importantly, be honest with yourself.

3. Take care of your health.

You can’t feel genuine happiness and achieve success if you don’t take care of your emotional, mental, and physical well – being. Don’t allow yourself to put your health in danger by worrying and stressing out about your daily responsibilities or missed deadlines. Make sure you make your health your top priority.

4. Avoid all kinds of negativity.

Be that toxic people, bad places, or just things that annoy you and make you feel bad, make sure you stay away from them.

5. Do things that make you happy.

If it’s spending time with your family and friends, watching movies, listening to your favorite songs, or walking in nature that bring you joy and satisfaction, ensure you allocate time to these.

6. Be open.

Living your life by following rules is okay only if they improve the quality of your life and make you feel better about yourself. And if this isn’t the case, stop following them. Instead, be more open to and embrace new experiences and opportunities life offers you.

7. Enhance your relationships.

Whether it’s a relationship with your family, friends, or partner, make them your priority. Try to constantly work on and nurture them.

8. Quit what isn’t working for you.

If it’s a toxic relationship, be that emotional or otherwise, your shitty job, or some bad habit of yours that is making you feel miserable, abandon them and start over.

9. Break a bad habit.

Whether it’s smoking, drinking alcohol, binge eating,  or something else, try to break yourself of it. Getting rid of a bad habit will make you feel better about yourself and can also encourage you to …

10. …start a positive habit.

Whether it’s jogging, eating healthy food every day, reading books, or learning something new, make sure you acquire a habit that will benefit you and make you feel better about yourself.

11. Forgive.

If you don’t forgive others, you’ll accumulate negative feelings inside of you, which in turn, will exhaust you and make you feel bad. Accept the fact that someone has  hurt you and move on. 

12. Set and keep boundaries.

You can always be there for people, but never allow your kindness and generosity to drain you emotionally and physically. You need to let others know you have boundaries they have to respect. Never give all of yourself away.

13. Eliminate your fears.

You know yourself the best and you know what terrifies you the most. Find a way to face and overcome it.

14. Ask your loved ones for advice.

Ask the people you hold dear to give you advice and an opinion about how you’re coping. Those who really know you and truly love you will know what’s best for you. Moreover, their point of view can help you see things more objectively.

15. Achieve success step by step.

Real and long – lasting successes are never achieved overnight. Learn to make progress one step at a time.

16. Meet new people.

Meeting new people reveals new horizons. Some of them will teach you something new. Others will change the way you see life, but they’ll all leave an impact on you.

17. Travel.

Of course, if you have enough finances, make sure you visit as many countries as you can. Travelling broadens your mind and gives you new perspectives on life.

18. Make and keep budget.

This will help you feel more independent, secure, and confident about yourself.

19. Get rid of the things you don’t need.

Get rid of the clutter in your room and your home. Throw out all the things you don’t need or bring you unpleasant and bad memories. Plus, getting rid of unnecessary stuff is therapeutic.

20. Enroll in a course.

Learning is the best distraction. Whether it’s dancing, writing, designing, acting, playing a musical instrument, whatever, it’ll keep your thoughts away from what’s bothering you.

21. Be proud of yourself.

Be aware of your qualities, accomplishments, and worth, and always believe in your abilities.

If you’re a type of person who hits the snooze button five times in a row in the mornings and if the sound of your alarm is the most irritating, terrifying, and horrible sound you could ever imagine, then you know how unbearable getting up early is for someone who is not an ‘early – bird’ type of a person. In fact, it feels like a nightmare.  

Of course, staying wide-eyed until midnight, let alone going to bed in the early hours, makes it difficult for all people to get up in the morning. Yet, those who aren’t early birds find this extremely hard even if they go to sleep at 9 p.m. And no matter how hard they try to make climbing out from under the covers easier, nothing ever seems to work.

And I have a message for all those early risers out there: Don’t be shocked when you see someone who isn’t all sunshine and smiles and as energetic as you are because it’s quite likely he/she is not a morning person and waking up early is a challenge they have to face every day.

So, if the following 15 situations look familiar to you, you can be sure you’re not a morning person.

1. Waking up early is your worst nightmare.

Everyone feels relieved when they wake up from a nightmare. Yet, the real nightmare for you begins when you hear the 6 o’clock alarm.

2. When someone wakes you up, you feel like you’re being tortured.

Wakey, wakey, rise and shine sounds cute but only if you hear it after noon. Otherwise, it’s a phrase that makes you feel like they’re inviting you to start World War III.

3. Morning workouts? What?

You’re struggling to climb out from under the covers, let alone doing early – morning stretches. The only thing you feel able to do is going back to bed and sink into sleep.

4. It’s always hard for you to wake up no matter how much sleep you get in a night.

Whether you sleep for 6, 8, or 10 hours, it will never be enough for you to wake up feeling fresh and energetic in the morning.

5. You carefully calculate to the last minute how long you can sleep in without being late.

If you have to leave for school or work at 7.30, you set your alarm for 7.15 because you know that it only takes you 15 minutes to get dressed, do your hair, and maybe grab something to eat, yet…

6. … you still don’t get out of bed on time despite all the planning.

Of course, you don’t. You give yourself the freedom to sleep in for 5 minutes more. After all, that’s why every alarm has the snooze option. But, you know, not getting out of bed on time makes you …                                              

7. … always be late.

Whether you’re late for a date or for work – it doesn’t matter. You’re the person everyone else is always waiting for. And of course, you’re always ready to come up with excuses, such as: “Oh, I’m sorry I’m late. I missed the bus” or “I’m sorry, guys, I couldn’t find my keys.”

8. Feeling happy in the morning? Everyone knows that’s a myth.

Not only do you feel sleepy and cranky, you also find it difficult to understand how certain people can be joyful and all smiles early in the morning.  

9. You sometimes even imagine yourself punching the happy faces of morning people when they tell you Good Morning.

Hearing that cheerful Good Morning does get on your nerves. Moreover, you get more irritated by the fact that you know they’ve woken up at the crack of dawn, been jogging, had a shower, had breakfast, and now they’re ready to start work.

10. You can’t understand how certain people are so energetic early in the morning.

A morning person’s mind and body definitely function differently from yours. You can’t stop wondering how and where they get their energy from. They’re so lively, active, and cheerful that you can’t tell whether it’s 9 a.m. or 7 p.m. The whole thing is like an enigma to you.

11. You don’t talk until you have your first ‘morning’ coffee.

In fact, that’s the only thing you like about mornings. Coffee gives you the energy to start your day. Moreover, people close to you know that they shouldn’t talk to you unless you’ve had your coffee. Otherwise, they should be prepared to face the consequences.

12. You’re aware you should drink coffee less, but you also know you can’t function without it.

Drinking coffee is the only way you can function properly during the day after waking up early. You can’t imagine starting the day without having one huge cup of coffee.

13. Oftentimes, one cup of coffee isn’t enough for you to feel fresh and energetic in the morning and through the rest of the day. In those situations, if caffeine could’ve been administered into your body by an intravenous (IV) injection, you’d be the first one who would like to receive it.

14. You spend hours trying to find out how to conceal the bags under your eyes.

That’s the first thing you notice in the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror. Not a pleasant sight, though. And I guess you’ve tried putting everything on the dark circles under your eyes, from ice cubes and cucumber to compact powder – anything that comes in handy.

15. You’ve come to terms with the fact that you’ll never be a morning person.

Going to bed early, doing stretches, drinking significant amounts of coffee in the morning – you’ve tried everything. Yet, nothing helps. You’ve accepted the fact that getting up early is a challenge you’ll never be able to meet.

And one last thing, being a typical representative of this kind of people, I have to say that the best feeling for us is when we wake up in the middle of the night and we realize we still have a few more hours to sleep.

How about you? What kind of a morning person are you? Feel free to share with us in the comments section below.