“The words you speak become the house you live in.”
Regardless of whether you agree or not, the words we use can literally change our lives.
“But how?”, one might ask.
Dr. Andrew Newberg, a well-known neuroscientist at Thomas Jefferson University, and Mark Robert Waldman, a communications expert collaborated on this topic and they published a book called“Words Can Change Your Brain.”
In their book, they explain how positive thoughts have to power to affect our lives, or better yet how “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”
According to their research, when we use more positive words like “peace”, “joy”, “ love” we change the way our brain functions by increasing our cognitive reasoning as well as strengthening the areas around our frontal lobes.
As a result, we activate our brain’s motivational centers.
On the other hand, when we choose to express ourselves with negative words, our organism is instructed to prevent the release of certain important neuro-chemicals that contribute to our stress management.
“Angry words send alarm messages through the brain, and they partially shut down the logic-and-reasoning centers located in the frontal lobes,” explain Newberg and Waldman.
The truth is, as humans we are all programmed to worry. It is our basic, primal instant to always focus on the worst possible scenario because that is our brain’s way of protecting us from potential threats and dangers.
But, when we allow the negative flow of thoughts and words into our system, we are actually increasing the activity in the fear center in our brain and as a result, we attack our body and flood our system by releasing stress hormones.
Furthermore, the book elaborates on how the right words can actually help us change our lives and restructure our brains:
Additionally, another study associated with the effect of positivity done by Positive Psychology chose a group of people aged from 35-54 and asked them to start writing at least three things they were proud of each day.
The results showed that by focusing on positive emotions, ideas and thoughts, we can eventually influence our overall well-being and improve both our mental and physical health.
So, what words do you usually use? What do you focus your energy on?
Feel free to share your thoughts and experience in the comment section below.
And remember. Words can create heaven. They can inspire. But they also have to power to destroy. Choose yours well.
There’s no manual or book on how not to be a crappy girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes, when it comes to understanding how romantic relationships function and how they should be nurtured, we are not given any pointers.
We all want to ensure our relationships are based on trust, understanding, respect, loyalty, and of course, love. But the problem is that society has taught us to objectify and romanticize love. For example, we admire romantic love, you know – the one presented in the Hollywood movies which give us unreasonable, false expectations about love and relationships.
We’re also taught to objectify our partners, i.e. see them as an asset rather than someone with whom we can share emotional support and help each other grow.
The family atmosphere we grow up also plays an important role in the way we see love and relationships.
For example, when a person grows up in a healthy, harmonious family, with parents who teach them about real values and moral principles, and what true, unconditional love looks like, they grow into a mature, kind, and unselfish individual, and they can distinguish between genuine, healthy love and one that is toxic and damaging.
On the other hand, when a person grows up in a toxic, abusive family, with parents that constantly display unhealthy, bad habits, they end up repeating the same habits later as adults.
So, whether or not the way we perceive love and relationships has been influenced by the culture we live in or our lack of knowledge, it’s a fact that many couples break up because one or both of the partners displayed toxic habits that they considered healthy.
Are you wondering what they are? Then continue reading …
1. Blaming your partner for your own problems.
Blaming your partner for your own feelings and problems is not only bad but it’s also a sign of selfishness. For example, if you’re having a really bad day and you don’t tell anything about it to your partner, then you can’t blame them for being “unsupportive,” “insensitive,” or “distant.”
What you need to remember is that your partner can’t read your mind and that blaming them for things that are not their fault is not going to make you feel any better.
So, next time your boyfriend/ girlfriend asks you if there’s something wrong and if something is weighing you down, share your worries and problems with them instead of keeping them to yourself and suppressing your emotions.
When you are in love with and committed to someone, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to limit their freedom, choose their friends or career, impose your own opinions and attitudes on them, or disrespect their personal space.
You and your significant other are together, but you need to remember that both of you have different opinions, interests, desires, and priorities. Both of you have your own lives.
Therefore, you need to make sure you give your boyfriend/girlfriend enough space to pursue their goals and passions and hang out with their friends. You have to support and encourage them to grow, and you must never interfere with their decisions and choices.
Of course, if you think that they’re displaying self-destructive behavior or maybe hang out with people that have a negative influence on them, then talk with them patiently about it.
But most importantly, let them know that you are not trying to tell them how to live their life, but that you truly care about them and don’t want anything bad to happen to them.
3. Sugarcoating.
If your partner is displaying some super irritating or bad habit that’s really getting on your nerves, or if they’ve done something that hurt you, you have to talk to them about it as it is, not beating around the bush or p*ssyfoot around them like they’re 9.
4. Keeping score of your partner’s mistakes.
Couples that are in healthy and meaningful relationships don’t count their partner’s mistakes and try to pay them back – they forgive them. They don’t keep a track of how many promises their partner has broken, how many dates they’ve canceled, or how many times they’ve said something that hurt their feelings.
So, instead of wasting your energy counting your partner’s mistakes, forgive them and forget. Work together to resolve your problems and arguments as quickly as you possibly can, and of course, refrain from digging the past.
5. Justifying your partner’s behavior.
Just because you’re in love with and committed to your partner, it doesn’t mean that you have to make excuses for their wrong and bad behaviors, or let alone blame yourself for their own mistakes and wrongdoings.
So, if your partner has said or done something that hurt your feelings, or if they often do something that makes you feel uncomfortable and upset, talk to them about it. Don’t let your feelings for them make you justify their behavior and affect your decisions. What is bad is bad and no one should put up with their partner’s bullsh*t.
6. Sharing details of your relationship with other people.
Whatever is happening between you and your partner should stay in the relationship. Talking about your relationship problems and fights to your family or friends as well as letting them influence your decisions is damaging to your relationship. It can destroy the trust between you and your partner and create confusion.
So, unless your partner is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusing you, don’t share your relationship problems with other people. Keep them within the relationship and try to solve them together with your partner.
7. Constantly asking about your partner’s whereabouts.
Constantly asking your partner to tell you where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re hanging out with, or when they’re coming home, or even asking them to give you their passwords to their accounts, is not only a toxic behavior, but it’s also a sign of lack of trust.
If you can’t trust your partner, then what’s the point in being with them? Being suspicious about everything they say or do will cause stress and unnecessary problems in your relationship.
Therefore, learn to trust your partner and avoid being controlling. When you ask them where they are and what they’re doing, make sure you sound pleasant and relaxed, not bossy.
Every person feels anxious from time to time. We’re exposed to so many sources of stress throughout the day, that is inevitable to eventually crack under the pressure.
However, some people simply find it harder to cope with the struggles of their noisy mind. Some cannot handle the daunting white noise inside their minds and overthink. That overthinking eventually leads to an obsession that ultimately becomes the reason for many repressed issues.
If you are someone who is struggling with anxiety, here are 9 powerful strategies to unwind and soothe your noisy mind:
1. BE MINDFUL
Don’t be so quick to react to your thoughts. Instead, stop for a second and try to observe them as they flow. Close your eyes and imagine your thoughts floating above you. Be present at that moment. Practice mindfulness.
2. ATTEMPT COGNITIVE DISTANCING
When a thought crosses your mind try to perceive is as a guess, not a fact. Most of the time, our minds are actually protecting us by predicting a certain scenario, but it is very important for us to understand that just because something might happen, doesn’t actually mean that it will.
Why are you so sure that the negative outcome will come true? What if the opposite thing happens instead?
3. THINK OF YOUR THOUGHTS AS MOVING DATA
It’s a fact that our brains are truly sensitive to a potential threat. This is the way it has always been. Alertness helps us handle unforeseen situations and possible dangers. Therefore, some of our thoughts are automatically generated to help us survive in a given moment.
But what if you could perceive them just as data flowing through your mind?
4. FOCUS ON THE REALITY AND YOUR EXPERIENCE
Our minds tend to create stories as a result of all of the experience that we’ve accumulated in our minds. But sometimes these stories are not really accurate. Sometimes our minds are influenced by negative situations from the past.
That is why it is very important to learn how to make difference between what is actually happening and what might eventually happen. Focus on reality.
5. START LABELING YOUR THOUGHTS
It’s simple. Instead of paying attention to the content of your thought, label it. When you notice a judgmental thought crossing your mind, put it in the box labeled Judging. Or when you start criticizing yourself, put it in the box criticizing. That way you can avoid wasting your time on the content of the thoughts and focus on your mental progress.
6. BE PRESENT
Remember. Just because you’ve experienced something bad in your past, doesn’t mean that the same thing will happen again. Stop living in the past. Focus on the present moment.
7. THINK OUT OF THE BOX
Sometimes we are more focused on the potential threats of a situation than on the whole picture. And that usually triggers our anxiety. It forces us to think more narrowly instead of thinking out of the box.
Ask yourself. Does this threat really exist, or it is simply a scenario that your mind made?
8. GET UP AND GET MOVING
More importantly, try to remember that worrying over something without doing anything about it won’t actually solve your issues. It will only make life insufferable for you.
That is why, sometimes it is better to leave everything aside, get up and do something else for a change. Occupying your brain with something new, or something creative might change your current perspective and improve your coping skills.
9. ANALYZE WHETHER YOUR THOUGHTS ARE HELPFUL OR HARMFUL
And last, but not least, remember this. Even though a thought might be true, that doesn’t always mean that it can also be beneficial for you. Pay attention to what flows through your mind and carefully decide what is helpful and what is harmful.
When the man you’re with is everything you want,you’ll overlook all his bad habits, whims, and mistakes, and only focus on his positive sides.
You’ll ignore all his lies and false promises.
You’ll turn a blind eye to every sign that you’re in a toxic relationship.
You’ll make irrational, wrong choices and decisions.
You’ll give your best to fix your relationship, even though those who truly love and care about you will tell you that he’s just making a fool of you.
When he is everything you want, you’ll let him know it.
You’ll let him know that by the way you treat him – with kindness, affection, respect, and dignity. You’ll let him know that by the way you look at him – with eyes full of warmth, love, and passion.
When he is everything you want, you’ll put his feelings, opinions, needs, desires, and problems first, and you’ll forget about your own. You’ll forget to take care of your priorities and problems. You’ll forget to follow your goals and dreams.
You’ll be more interested in making him feel happy and fulfilled than yourself.
When he is everything you want,you’ll believe that you’ve finally found the love of your life. You’ll believe that he’s your missing half. Your soulmate.
You’ll fight for his happiness at the cost of your own.
You’ll forget about your needs, desires, and priorities so as to take care of his.
You’ll boost his ego while bringing yourself down and wrecking your confidence.
You’ll constantly tear yourself into pieces in order to keep him whole and complete.
When he is everything you want, you’ll fight for him.
You will care about him too much. You will love him hard and unconditionally.
You’ll unselfishly give him your love and support even though he doesn’t even deserve a second of your time.
You’ll be satisfied with the small amount of time you spend with him and the crumbs of love you receive. You’ll be satisfied with less than what you deserve.
When he is everything you need, you will allow him to have control over you.
You’ll let his charm, compliments, sweet words, and great stories deceive you. You’ll think your life is a fairy tale because that’s what he wants you to believe.
You’ll turn a blind eye to his lies and lame excuses. You’ll believe his promises and accept his apologies.
You’ll let him involve you in his devious, little mind games and play with your feelings.
But sometimes the person who is everything you want is the last thing you need.
And when he is the last thing that you need in your life, you’ll feel broken, empty, and lost. You’ll feel hurt and hopeless.
You’ll feel confused because you can’t believe that the person you loved with every part of you and to whom you gave everything you’ve ever had could hurt you in such a way.
You can’t believe that the person you fought for with every fiber of your being has never loved you.
When he is the last thing you need, you’ll think you’re less smart and important than him. You’ll think you’re not good enough for him and that he deserves to be with someone better than you.
When he is the last thing you need, you’ll spend many sleepless nights wondering why he hasn’t still responded to your messages and calls.
When he is the last thing you need, you’ll feel responsible for all your relationship problems. You’ll feel guilty and take the blame for things that are not your fault, but his.
When he is the last thing you need, he’ll drain your energy and slowly kill your happiness.
He’ll make you doubt your own logic, perception, judgment, and sense of reality.
He’ll hurt your feelings.
He’ll break your heart.
And the sad thing is that you won’t be aware of anything of this. Everyone will notice it, but you.
Everyone will watch as your smile turns into a frown, the light in your eyes turns into darkness, and your joy becomes sadness.
They’ll feel angry when they see you give him a chance over and over again. Their hearts will break to watch you destruct yourself with his help.
They’ll tell you to leave him and move on. But nothing of this will change your feelings for him.
They’ll tell you he’s toxic and that you deserve someone way better than him, but you won’t listen to them.
But let me tell you something: This isn’t love.
Because love is not control. It’s not manipulation. It’s not lies and broken promises.
Love is not stringing someone along and playing with their feelings.
Love is not taking someone for granted. Love is not feeling the need to put someone down to increase your confidence.
Love is not feeling the need to see someone hurt to feel stronger and better about yourself.
Love should not make you feel weak, hurt, empty and hopeless, but strong, fulfilled, and complete.
Love should not exhaust or suffocate you.
Love should not make you tear yourself apart. Instead, it should make you feel whole and fulfilled, and help you grow and become the best version of yourself.
Have you ever sat by a loved one who was in pain and simply existed at that moment without saying a word to them? Yes, I know you’re all familiar with that feeling.
We’ve all done that. We’ve felt the sadness within a person’s heart. We’ve all sensed the sorrow inside their soul. We’ve all held space for them.
We’ve all used that term but not all of us know the real meaning of holding space for someone else.
Well, “holding space” is a concept that is really hard to describe. Because you aren’t really holding anything. You aren’t holding another person, nor are you holding their fear, sadness or pain.
Holding space is about accepting someone. It is about being in that exact space with them.
When your friend calls you in the middle of the night and needs to talk to you, and you listen, you are holding space for them.
When your partner comes home frustrated and exhausted from all the work he had, and he just wants to vent about it, and you give him your unconditional support, you are holding space…
When your mother has a middle age crisis, feels too tired and opens up to you about everything she was silent before and you are there for her, you are holding space for her.
When you are going crazy over something and someone replies to you “It’s fine. I’ve been through it myself. You will make it.” … That is what holding space really means.
It’s about being present. It is about fully experiencing something. Seeing someone for who they are, without judging them. Holding space is realizing that we are all flawed and that we all make mistakes every once in a while, but that deep down we are much powerful than we believe we are.
It is opening the door for someone and letting them experience something new for the first time. It is allowing them to completely open up their souls and express their fears, insecurities, desires, and passions, by simply being there beside them.
When we hold space, we’re accepting. Ourselves, the moment, our feelings, the people around us. We’re embracing everything that flows through us and we’re allowing ourselves to feel those sensations, but also to learn from them.
Because holding space doesn’t always have to include another person. You can hold space for yourself. Whatever you’re experiencing, no matter how positive or painful the experience is, you can always hold space for yourself by first finding self-compassion within you.
Dr. Kristin Neff explains that self-compassion has three important components.
Common humanity is that inevitable reminder that we all struggle. It helps us get back on our feet by showing us the reality that every single one of us is vulnerable, fragile and flawed. And that suffering is simply a part of the process called life.
Self-kindness, on the other hand, is the support and understanding we have for ourselves whenever we feel miserable. Self-kindness means accepting our pain and finding a way to heal our scars instead of ignoring our sorrow.
Mindfulness is balancing the approach to our emotions. It’s an objective way of observing both our negative and positive emotions and becoming aware of everything we carry inside without suppressing the parts we dislike. It’s about unconditional acceptance.
The thing is, we cannot feel compassion for another human being if we ignore our pain. We cannot help another human being or simply hold the space for them if we’re incapable of holding space for ourselves.
We need that space, even if we don’t always understand why. Because in that space, we are free. In that space, we feel what unconditional love means. Regardless of whether it’s self- love or love for another human being.
That is where our strength comes from.
Being in a constant state of unconditional love means synchronizing all of our thoughts, actions, and words. It means letting them flow like the mightiest river and submerging everything and everyone around it.
Holding space doesn’t benefit us only.
Holding space means sharing that unconditional love with the whole world.
An Alpha woman – it sounds so powerful, doesn’t it?
I’m sure you’ve already noticed her because the strength, confidence, and charm she oozes attract everyone’s attention. Her badass nature leaves no one indifferent.
An Alpha woman is strong, smart, independent, self-respecting, ambitious, and fearless. She knows who she is and she knows what she wants in life.
She lives life in accordance with her own beliefs, values, and principles, not the rules of others. When she disagrees with someone, she’s not afraid to speak her mind. And when others criticize her, this woman knows how to stand up for herself.
She lives her life without worrying about what tomorrow may bring. She’s been through rough times and she has problems just like everyone else, but what differentiates her from the rest is that she doesn’t let her worries affect the quality of her life and stand in the way to her happiness and success.
This tough, smart, and mature woman understands that some things in life are simply not worth stressing over. She knows that life is what we make it and she ensures she makes it worthwhile.
Here are 8 things Alpha women don’t give a damn about:
1. Whether other people accept them.
An Alpha woman doesn’t bother to fit in with the crowd. She embraces her true self and lives a truly authentic life. Conforming to stereotypes, conventions, and boring, outdated rules that society imposes on her is out of the question.
An Alpha woman simply exists out of the box and if others don’t agree with the way she lives, well, there’s nothing she can do about it.
2. What other people think about them.
An Alpha woman lives her life for her, not for anyone else. She doesn’t let the fear of being disliked or rejected stop her from being her true self. She accepts and cherishes herself the way she is – with all her flaws.
She knows her worth and respects herself enough not to feel the need to seek other people’s approval. She knows that no matter what kind of person you are, people will always judge. So, if someone doesn’t like her, well, that’s not her problem!
3. Having a “90-60-90” body.
Alpha women don’t buy into all that “perfect female body shape” stuff which is heavily propagated in the fashion industry and all media. Alpha women love themselves and their bodies as they are. They find beauty in all their imperfections.
They know that we’re all different and that we possess unique characteristics, and this is what makes us beautiful and special.
It doesn’t matter to an Alpha woman whether she has a pound more or pound less because she understands that her body weight and dimensions don’t make the person she is and they certainly don’t define her worth.
The only thing that matters to her is to always keep her body healthy and maintain her mental and emotional well-being.
4. Following fashion trends
If she doesn’t care about her body weight and dimensions, why would you think she’d care about following some stupid, boring fashion trends? If short, tight, black dresses and high-heels are not her style, there’s no chance she’ll wear them, be that at dates, parties, meetings, or you name it.
Alpha women only wear clothes that they like wearing and that they feel comfortable in. And what matters is that whatever they wear, they wear it with confidence.
5. Being always right.
Being always right? What?! This attitude is only for immature, unambitious, ignorant people. And Alpha women certainly don’t fit into this group. These women are open-minded and curious. They want to expand their knowledge of any topic and gain new perceptions of the world.
Any smart, ambitious woman knows that there’s no such person that knows everything. Therefore, she’s not ashamed or afraid to admit when she’s made a mistake or said something wrong. What matters to her is the fact that she can always learn something new and useful from her mistakes.
6. Leaving toxic relationships.
Any smart, self-respecting, confident woman knows that when it comes to her happiness, inner peace, and well-being, there are no compromises. Therefore, she surrounds herself with people who benefit her and add happiness and value to her life.
She respects herself enough to know that selfish, phony, manipulative, and controlling people deserve no place in her life. So, whether it’s a friend, a family member, a co-worker, or partner, she’s not hesitant or afraid to end her relationship with them if they have a toxic influence on her and prevent her from living a fulfilling, happy, successful life.
7. Being shy in bed.
Being shy and submissive in bed? The hell with it. When an Alpha woman is truly in love with someone, she’s not ashamed or afraid to give in to passion. She’s not ashamed to share her wildest erotic fantasies and desires with her partner.
This woman is an equal partner in bed, and she demands what she wants.
8. Being popular on social media.
An Alpha woman knows who she is and she knows her worth. She doesn’t need to receive hundreds of likes on her selfies and posts or have a thousand friends on her Facebook or Instagram profile so as to feel accepted and valued.
Instead of spending her energy checking how many likes her photos on social media have received or what other people have posted, she focuses on doing something which is beneficial for her and enhances her personal and professional life.
We’ve all heard about the misogynists. Heck, some of us even dealt with them. But, what most of the people out there fail to realize is that misogynists can be everywhere around us.
They can be the person you believe in the most. They can be the ex-boyfriend who supposedly still cares about you. They can be your current partner. And believe it or not, they can even be the loudest, pro-feminist guy out there.
These people don’t walk around with a warning sign attached to them.
Misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls.
The truth is, some misogynists are not even aware that they hate women. This is because in most cases, misogyny is unconsciously developed as a result of a past trauma that involved a female person they probably trusted.
Whether it is an abusive mother, a negligent sister, a toxic girlfriend, a mean friend, or a teacher, their behaviors can easily plant a seed inside a man’s brain earlier in life, affect his emotions and eventually be the reason for him developing a hatred for women.
Here are 11 ways you can recognize a misogynist:
1. He will carefully analyze a woman and pick her as his target. The woman in question might not notice his hidden intentions and let her guard down since the misogynist is usually very fun to be around, exciting, charismatic and flirtatious at the begging.
2. As time passes by, he will reveal a Jekyll and Hyde behavior. This means that he may go from incredibly kind and irresistible to extremely rude and inconsiderate within seconds. The real type of social chameleon.
3. He will make crazy promises to women, but he will never bother to keep them. But, when it comes to his male companions, on the other hand, he will always do the things he said he would.
4. A misogynist doesn’t respect women. He will always be late to his dates or his meetings with women. However, when it comes to his business with men, he will always keep his word and be as punctual as he can.
5. He is competitive and extremely intimidated by women who are more successful than him. He considers that a personal attack on him.
6. A misogynist is usually very cocky, rude, condescending and domineering towards women. He thinks highly of himself.
7. He will consciously discriminate the women in every social setting, whether it’s his workplace, a meeting, or a social gathering. A misogynist will do everything in his power to make men superior to women.
8. A misogynist will do whatever it takes to make a woman feel bad about herself. He will humiliate her in public, he will manipulate her by withholding sex in the relationship, he will make offensive jokes on her account in front of people, he will string her along, he will trigger her insecurities and he will use her ideas without giving her the credit for it.
9. He will also try to sexually control the women he is with by avoiding their needs and paying no attention to their sexual pleasure. A misogynist will always ask to be sexually satisfied, but he will never do anything to please his partner.
10. He will cheat on every woman he is with. Because a misogynist does not believe in monogamy. He has no respect for women.
11. A misogynist may completely ghost on the people he is in a relationship with and then come back after a few months with a silly explanation designed to trick his partner to take him back.
The thing is, not all of the misogynists out there possess all of these traits. That is exactly what makes it difficult for people to recognize them and avoid them. Their alluring charisma and attractive appearance only make it harder for women to spot the caution signs that these people are toxic.
I’m done waiting for you to respond to my messages and answer my calls. I’ll no longer stare at my phone hoping to see your name pop up on the screen. I’ll no longer rack my brains trying to figure out why you haven’t texted me back yet even though many days have passed.
I’ll no longer allow my thoughts of you to keep me distracted and prevent me from focusing on my happiness, needs, desires, and priorities.
I’m done making you the center of my world. I’ll no longer rearrange my priorities so as to fit myself into your “busy” schedule. I’ll no longer compete with your friends for your time and attention. I’ll no longer forgive you for your mistakes and allow you to hurt my feelings.
I’m done wondering where I stand with you. I’m tired of you treating our relationship like it’s nothing. I’m tired of playing your little mind games.
I’m done waiting for you to choose me. I’m tired of waiting for you to make me your priority and show me that I mean to you as much as you mean to me.
I’m done chasing after you and waiting for you to commit to me.
I’ll no longer allow you to manipulate me and play with my feelings. I’ll no longer let you take advantage of me, my kindness, and my love for you.
I’m done wearing my heart on my sleeve. I’m sick and tired of giving you all of me and receiving only crumbs of your love.
I’m done letting you treat me like an option. A toy. A favorite pastime.
I’m done sacrificing my own happiness, needs, and priorities so as to make you feel happy and fulfilled. I’ll no longer put your feelings, needs, and desires first. It’s time I started taking care of myself.
I’m done tearing myself into pieces so as to keep you complete.
I waited for too long for you to hear my voice when I called your name; to touch me when I needed to feel your warmth; to stop treating me like I was a ghost. But I won’t wait anymore.
I’m done waiting for you to be the person I always thought you were. When I met you, you were sweet, kind, compassionate, and loving, but as soon as you lured me into your trap, you revealed your true colors.
You showed that you are actually selfish, inconsiderate, immature, and emotionally unavailable. I can no longer recognize you and I will no longer put up with your bullsh*t.
I’m done being naïve and believing your lame excuses, blatant lies, and false promises. I’m done falling for your compliments, sweet words, and charm.
I’m done giving you a thousand chances. And there’s nothing you can do that could change my mind.
I’m done letting you weaken my confidence. I’ll no longer allow you to make me feel like I’m dumb, unimportant, or “overly emotional” and “too dramatic,” as you often called me. I will no longer allow you to make me doubt my self-worth.
I’ll no longer allow you to shift the blame onto me for your own mistakes and wrongdoings. I’m done being your scapegoat. Your doormat.
I’m done fighting for you. I’m done waiting for you to notice me and pay attention to me. I’m tired of waiting for you to treat me like I deserve.
I’m done waiting for you to realize my worth. I’m done waiting for you to see my kindness, generosity, strength, and the purity of my love. I’ll no longer wait for you to reach the deepest parts of my soul and see what I carry in my heart.
I’m done hoping that you love me. That your heart melts and you start seeing me the way I used to see you – with eyes full of warmth, love, and passion.
I’m done fantasizing about our future.About us.
I’ve had it enough. I’m done. I’m letting go of you. And this time for real.
Depression is a mental condition that has seriously taken its toll on us. Most people who are suffering from this awful condition have a hard time coping with its consequences, so they usually do what they know best. They try to hide it under their fake smile.
However, even though it is truly difficult to recognize this harmful condition in some people, there are certain things that these people unconsciously say or do that usually give them away.
A recent study published in the Sage Journals found that people with symptoms of depression tend to communicate by talking in first person. Something that also caught their attention was the fact that many people who suffered from depression also talked in absolutes.
So, we decided to do thorough research and help you understand the secret language of the people who struggle with depression. If you suspect that your loved one might be struggling with this mental illness, pay attention to the way they express their thoughts.
1. THEY TEND TO USE NEGATIVE WORDS
It’s no surprise. People who suffer from depression use words that have a negative connotation. They usually use words such as lonely, unhappy, miserable and worried to describe their current state of mind.
Moreover, it has been found that in comparison to others average human beings, people who struggle with depression tend to use negative words more frequently.
2. THEY LIKE TO TALK IN ABSOLUTIST LANGUAGE
Another way you can recognize a person with depression is by focusing on their point of view. Once you put yourself inside their shoes, you will realize that these people see the world in black and white. They perceive it in extremes. It’s one way or the other.
The reason for this behavior is because their mental condition is constantly keeping them alert. They’re living on the edge. So, they talk in absolutes. It’s what they know best.
If you pay attention to them, you will notice that they often use the words “always”, “never”, or “totally”, “definitely”.
3. THEY ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES
Further analysis has revealed that people with depression like to talk about themselves. And, when you think about this, it makes total sense.
The hallmark of struggling with depression is obsessing about your own issues, but at the same time feeling uncomfortable to share those issues with other people.
This often results in complete withdrawal, that eventually gives birth to even bigger issues.
4. THEY COMPLAIN A LOT
All of the people do, but people who suffer from depression complain a lot more. Because, besides being mentally exhausting and challenging, depression can also affect us physically.
Therefore, it is no wonder that people who suffer from depression often complain about feeling completely drained and exhausted. Some people find it very hard to cope with those feeling of emptiness. So, they need to find a proper way to vent.
But, if you think that your loved one suffers from depression, I advise you to be there for them. That is the only thing you can truly do to help them. No matter how strange and irrational they sound, you have to find a way to understand them, or simply support them.
It might not always look like they’re doing everything they can, but they are fighting. Trust me on this. They are fighting a battle against themselves. So, the last thing they need is another opponent.
Sit next to them. Open your mind and just listen. Don’t reply. Don’t share your thoughts.Don’t tell them it’s all in their head. Just hold their hand, look them into their eyes and let them know that you support them.
I have a confession to make, and I must say I’m not very proud of it: I used to be a people-pleaser. Yes, I was a total pushover.
And when I say a people-pleaser, I don’t mean always being there for others and selflessly giving them your help and support. Instead, I’m referring to the point in life when you start caring about what would make others feel pleasant, fulfilled, and happy more than about what would make YOU feel this way.
Thus, all the decisions I made and everything I did was based on what other people expected and wanted from me. Oftentimes, I felt like I was not living my own life but someone else’s.
And the reasons why I behaved this way are different. Sometimes, it was because I wanted to avoid upsetting others, and other times, it was because I was too afraid of being disliked or rejected. That’s why I always agreed with other people’s opinions, plans, and proposals.
And I truly believed that this way I appeared more likable, friendly, and cool. However, what I failed to realize was that by trying to always please others and meet their expectations, while keeping my own feelings, needs, and wishes beneath the surface, I did neither myself nor anyone else any good.
In this way, I just surrounded myself with selfish, inconsiderate, draining, and negative people, who instead of respecting me and being appreciative that I have put their wishes and needs before mine, all they thought about was how to take more advantage of me and my kindness.
Luckily, I did realize that if I did not do anything to change this and get rid of the pressure others put on me with all their constant demands and expectations, I was going to lose myself.
I realized that it was not only useless but also absurd waiting for other people to change their behavior. I realized that I was the only person that had to change and that’s exactly what I did.
If you happen to be a people-pleaser as I once was, know that you’re in the right place.
Here’s how you can stop being a pushover and start living free life:
1. Focus on your internal world.
Become aware of your feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative. Learn to embrace your strong, negative emotions instead of suppressing or dwelling on them.
Become aware of everything that’s going on inside of you and around you. Stop showing interest only in other people’s feelings, opinions, needs, and desires, and start showing interest in your own.
This will help you control your need to please others and also realize when you are not actually being helpful to others.
2. Be authentic.
You need to understand that we are all different and therefore special in our own ways. That’s why we should all live our lives in accordance with our own beliefs, values, and principles.
You should live your life the way you want and think it’s the best for you, not the way other people want you to.
3. Always keep in mind that doing too much for others damages rather than strengthens relationships.
Your relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, will never be healthy, meaningful, and long-lasting unless you take care of your own mental, emotional, and physical well-being and you’re always honest with yourself.
On the other hand, if you put all your energy and time into taking care of and making happy others while neglecting your own feelings, needs, and priorities, you’ll inevitably ruin the balance and health of your relationships.
4. Remember that avoiding problems and pain doesn’t do you any good.
The harder you try to avoid any discomfort, problems, or pain, the more you feel the need to please others. But you need to understand that by always agreeing with other people and meeting their expectations, you just make things worse for you in the long run.
Because people pleasing does not only stop you from living a truly fulfilling, happy, and enjoyable life, but it’s also one of the major triggers of stress and anxiety.
5. Practice self-acceptance.
If you want to live a meaningful, happy, and productive life and always be true to yourself, you have to accept yourself just the way you are.
You have to embrace all your faults, weaknesses, and fears and become more aware of your worth.
6. Start managing your anxiety.
You’ll never be a person of integrity or become your best self if you always act quickly and instinctively and make decisions based on your anxious thoughts and feelings.
The more you allow your anxiety to affect your feelings, decisions, and actions, the more anxiety and stress you experience. To prevent this, you need to learn to control your urge for pleasing others, and always keep in mind that pleasing other people at the expense of your own well- being is just not worth it.
7. Let it go.
We all carry burdens from our past, but if you’re unable to let go of the bad things that happened to you in your past, it is very likely that you are accepting all the bad and hurtful things the toxic and abusive people in your life tell you.
You need to understand that if you continue allowing them to affect you with the things they say about you, you’ll never be able to realize your full potential and live a meaningful, happy life.
So, let go of everything bad and hurtful they say about you and that makes you fear that others will disapprove of or reject you.
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