Throughout the course of life, we meet all kinds of people. Some help us grow and lead a happy, meaningful, successful life, while others drag us down and stand in the way to our happiness and success. The latter are toxic.

Narcissists, Negative Nancies, complainers, manipulators, and liars are probably the best representatives of this kind of people. Yes, they come in all shapes and sizes and they all defy logic.

One thing’s for sure – when a toxic person enters your life, it means only thing – chaos. They can easily get under your skin and they know plenty of ways to manipulate you so as to get what they want from you.

If you’ve ever come across them (and I’m sure you have), then you must have noticed how hard it is to handle them. The truth is that dealing with such people requires emotional intelligence.

People who possess high levels of it are able to control their feelings and stay calm under pressure. Not only does this prevent them from feeling stressed out and mentally exhausted when they’re in the company of toxic people, who are undoubtedly one of the greatest sources of stress, but it also helps them to neutralize them more easily.

Here’s how they do it:

1. They stay aware of their emotions.

To maintain emotional detachment, emotionally intelligent people stay aware of their emotions. This helps them remain calm when dealing with toxic people.

By staying aware of the emotions they’re feeling and the reason why they’re feeling them, they prevent toxic people from causing negative feelings and reactions in them.

2. They set boundaries.

There’s a fine line between listening to someone’s problems and getting sucked into their downward, destructive emotional spiral, and emotionally intelligent people are perfectly aware of this.

They distance themselves completely from anyone that they see as a threat to their efforts to remain productive. However, when dealing with a difficult, negative person, they don’t exit the conversation in a rude or offensive way, but they make themselves clear in a calm, polite manner.

3. They only focus on solutions, not problems.

The more you focus on the toxic person and the negative feelings they provoke in you, the more stressed and anxious you feel and the more power you give them over you.

That’s why instead of thinking about how negative and insufferable some toxic person is,  emotionally intelligent people think about how they’re going to deal with them as quickly and successfully as they possibly can.

4. They rise above the situation.

Since toxic people defy logic, you should never allow yourself to emotionally respond to their behavior and get sucked into their trap.

So, instead of playing their devious mind games or reacting to the emotional chaos, focus only on the facts and distance yourself emotionally from them.

5. They forgive but they don’t forget.

They forgive those that have betrayed their trust or hurt their feelings because they don’t want to carry feelings of resentment, bitterness, or hatred.

However, they never give someone a second chance to manipulate them again and they remember the way they were tricked, lied to, or hurt. In this way, they protect themselves from any potential future harm.

6. They neutralize negative self-talk.

Feeling bad about the way someone behaves towards you is one thing and having negative thoughts about yourself is another.

Negative self-talk is unrealistic, needless, and self-defeating and it can only intensify the negativity and weaken your confidence and self-esteem. Therefore, you should avoid it at all costs.

7. They rely on their support system.

If you want to handle toxic people quickly and successfully, you need to recognize the shortcomings in your approach to them. This means that you need to be willing to rely on someone who wants and is ready to help you deal with challenging people, be it a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or your partner.

The thing is that a person who is not as emotionally invested in the situation as you are can offer you a solution and a new, objective perspective on the situation. So, identify these people in your life and don’t be ashamed to ask for their insight, help, and support.  

8. They get enough sleep.

Lack of sleep increases your stress levels even when you’re not faced with any life stressor. On the other hand, good quality sleep improves your self-control, memory, and attention. It also makes you feel calmer, more positive and creative, and it offers you the perspective you need to handle toxic people successfully.

The last two weeks have been awful when it comes to the content that has been coming across my newsfeed. The news got from bad to worse day by day and it was impossible not to get affected by it.

Every single day, we are being hit hard by vile imagery and stories about all kinds of tragedies happening all around the world, from earthquakes and floods to terroristic attacks.

But isn’t our life already stressful enough so as to make it even more difficult by absorbing all kinds of devastating news on a daily basis?

Don’t we all care about the world we live in and want to make it a better place?

Well, the truth is that our lives will hardly get less stressful and we’ll hardly make positive changes in the world if we’re being constantly exposed to disturbing, tragic, or traumatizing news.

Yes, bad things happen around us every day, but that doesn’t mean that we have to allow that to destroy us mentally and emotionally.

So, here are 7 ways to stop your newsfeed from psychologically destroying you:

1. Stick to your daily routines.

No matter how sad or tragic news you come across, your life shouldn’t be affected so much that you begin to break your usual routines.

Give your body everything it needs to function properly – eat healthy food, get enough quality sleep, exercise regularly, and, of course, don’t forget to have fun.

2. Make a distinction between being immersed and being informed.

Just because you want to know what’s going on in the world, it doesn’t mean you have to be immersed into your Facebook or Twitter feed 24/7.  

Don’t bother to read every news that pops up in front of you and don’t just focus on the dramatic, tragic news. Instead, take a break from all the information you encounter every day and focus more on the good news.

3. Feel all the feelings.

Don’t suppress the negative feelings. Instead, let them flow through your body. And don’t dwell on them, too, because this will leave you less prepared to handle problems or connect with others.

Remember that feelings come and go – they don’t define who you are.

4. Don’t be passive – take action.

Regardless of how much the situation appears out of your control, you can always act somehow. And you don’t have to do anything huge. Even a small action, such as making a donation, writing a letter, or taking part in a get-together in the place where you live can bring about a big change.

Remember that feeling powerless and remaining passive fuel anxiety and I’m sure this is something you don’t want to go through.

5. Stay optimistic.

Obsessing about things that are beyond your control is like a poison to your mind. So, instead of focusing on things you can’t control or fix, focus on what you can.

Increase your levels of positive emotions and energy by spending time with people you love and that make you happy and doing things that bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.

Remember, maintaining your sense of optimism enables you to create more opportunities while pessimism prevents you from it.

6. Reach out to others.

Don’t withdraw into yourself but connect with other people with whom you share a concern about what is happening in your town, country, and the world.

Talk to people whom you know may be going through a rough time now, especially those who belong to marginalized or vulnerable communities. Offer them your help and support and let them know that you as well as many others care about them.

7. Talk to your children too.

Don’t allow sad, traumatizing news to destroy the pure, innocent image they have of the world. Don’t let bad news make them fear the world.

Instead, talk with them about their fears or whatever is bothering them and spark their compassion. Support their dreams and envision together a better world.

Contrary to what many people think, self-care is not an easy and pleasant thing.

It’s actually putting a lot of time and effort into creating a life you enjoy living.

It’s no longer running from your problems, but trying your best to face and overcome them.

Oftentimes self-care means doing the most unpleasant, ugliest things that you have to do, such as telling a narcissistic, selfish friend that you don’t want them to be part of your life anymore, or leaving a toxic relationship, or getting a second job so that you can make more savings, or accepting your mistakes and failures as a part of you.

Self-care often means embracing and cherishing yourself the way you are so that you don’t constantly feel exhausted from trying to be someone you are not and meeting other people’s expectations.

It means promising yourself that you’ll no longer try to please everyone and let others tell you what to say or do or how you should lead your life. It means promising yourself and showing determination to be the master of your own life.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where ‘self-care’ has become a trendy topic like it’s some kind of a luxury or something we do only when we feel exhausted and want to relieve ourselves from the pressure we’re faced with every day.

But that’s absurd.

Because self-care is not luxury. Self-care is not making yourself your favorite cake or going to a spa or going shopping whenever you feel stressed. Self-care is not just pampering yourself.

Self-care is trying your best and being consistent in your efforts to create a life you enjoy living. A life you don’t feel the need to often escape from.

Self-care means looking your deepest insecurities, fears, and failures right into the eye and overcoming them. It’s resisting life’s temptations. It’s not immediately satisfying your desires. It’s letting go of people who drag you down and stand in the way to your happiness and success.

It’s meeting and gaining trust in new people. It’s taking risks and accepting challenges. It’s making compromises. It’s disappointing other people, including your loved ones, but also making sacrifices for others.

Self-care is living your life the way other people don’t. It’s living your life the way you want without worrying about what others might think and say about it.

It’s always being honest with yourself and others as well, even if that means you won’t be liked by everyone.

It’s accepting your negative emotions, not running from them.

It’s changing your goals.

It’s fighting your anxious thoughts and not allowing them to affect the quality of your life.

It’s no longer using your hectic life as justification for procrastination.

It’s spending more time taking care of yourself than “fixing your flaws”.

It’s always being true to yourself and living by your own standards and rules, not by someone else’s.

It’s not depending on others for your happiness.

It’s becoming the person you want to be and creating a life for yourself that is meaningful, fulfilling, and enjoyable.

This one is for you.

You, the girl who always cares too much about everyone else but yourself.  

You, the girl whose soul is pure and whose heart is so big that it can gather all the love in the world.

You, the girl who knows no other way to live than giving yourself to others.

You wish you wouldn’t care and feel so deeply. You wish you wouldn’t open your heart to everyone who appears in your life.

You wish you wouldn’t get so upset and sad when you see tragic or violent scenes on the TV.

You wish you didn’t have this “weakness”.

But caring deeply is not a weakness. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. So, stop seeing it as a flaw and apologizing for it.

Stop listening to people when they tell you: “You care too much. You worry about everything. You’re too emotional. You need to change”. Because those same people will take advantage of it.

You don’t need to change.

You need to always be yourself.

Maybe you are the girl that thinks twice before she speaks. Maybe you overanalyze every message before you send it, making sure you say exactly what is on your mind.

Maybe you’re the girl that gives her heart away without expecting anything in return. Maybe you spend hours listening to someone vent their feelings even though you’re too tired and have many other tasks to fulfill.

Maybe you are the girl that has always cared too much, putting other people’s feelings, opinions, needs, and wishes before her own. And maybe it’s high time you stopped apologizing for that.

What you need to understand is that there will always be those who will try to change you. But you don’t have to be sorry or apologize for who you are.

You don’t have to apologize for texting your friends first, for calling your boyfriend when you haven’t heard from him for a while and want to ensure he’s okay, for being the girl that is always ready to jump in and spend time with others and help solve other people’s problems.

You don’t have to apologize for giving others your undivided attention when they pour their heart out to you, for wearing your heart on your sleeve, and wanting to be there for others when they need you.

You don’t have to apologize for loving him so deeply, passionately, and unconditionally because you know no other way to love. Because your heart is big and your soul is pure.

You don’t have to apologize for all the great help and support you give others because this is in your nature. Because this is who you are. Because you care.

I know you’re trying hard to make sense of all of this. You’re trying to understand why someone you’ve been so good to and cared so much about would lie to you and cut you out of their life like you were a worn-out puppet.

You’re trying to understand why someone you’ve loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally would take you for granted and break your heart.

You’re trying to understand why despite all the time and effort you put in making others happy, you end up heartbroken every time.

But don’t try to make excuses for them and justify their behavior. The way other people behave towards you doesn’t define who you are. Just because they’re unable to genuinely love and care about someone as you do, it doesn’t mean you’re “too emotional,” or “too sensitive,” or “weak”.

You need to understand that while caring about other people is great, it’s not your responsibility to tend to everyone else’s emotions, needs, and problems. It’s not your job to fix others.

You need to understand that saying NO to things you don’t want to do or choosing to stay at home by yourself instead of going out with your friends doesn’t make you  selfish or arrogant.

You need to understand that just because you are the one everyone goes to when they need help, it doesn’t mean you need to help them right away or neglect your own problems. It doesn’t mean you don’t need help as well.

You need to understand that you’re important and that you owe yourself the same amount of kindness, compassion, patience, respect, love, and dignity you give everyone else.

You need to understand that self-care is as important as caring about others. 

You need to take care of your own feelings, needs, wishes, and problems. You need to put yourself first on your list of priorities and stop thinking that taking care of yourself is selfish.

You owe it to yourself to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health and make yourself happy. Because nobody else will do that for you.

You need to devote time to yourself so that you can put your thoughts together, recharge your batteries, and see where you want to be in life.

You need to stop being ashamed of your pure, big heart and find love in it for yourself instead.

You need to stop being everyone’s savior and protector, especially when you have yourself to save.