There’s something that has been going through my mind for days, so I believe it is finally time for me to spit it out… I can’t hold it in any longer and I won’t.

So, let’s get straight to the point, shall we?

What’s up with this “She makes me want to become a better person”?

Hey men… Women don’t want to be rehabilitation centers for traumatized, badly raised, immature and generally troubled men.

We don’t want to raise you; we want to grow and flourish together.

I mean, I get. It’s supposed to be a compliment. It is supposed to let me know that you are so madly in love with me that you truly cherish my presence in your life. It supposed to flatter me and make me proud of how strong I am. It’s supposed to make me feel as though I am a superhero. I get it, I do.

But… you know what? It’s not flattering at all. Pardon my French, but it’s bullsh*t.

And what’s even more disturbing, it’s everywhere around us. Everywhere you look, regardless of which segment of life you are analyzing, women are constantly expected to be these strong, almighty, superhero humans who are always there to lend a helping hand or fix the guy who for some reason struggles to do that on his own.

Let’s take the Childish Gambino’s music video for example. Halfway through the video, a sad and troubled Kanye appears. For some reason, Michelle Obama hugs him, lifts his spirits and suddenly he is fine again.

What’s up with that? Are you seriously telling me that Kanye secretly needs to be saved by a strong, brave woman like Michelle?

Here’s what. We already have enough baggage on our shoulders. We do everything in our power to be good moms, loving friends, loyal partners. We fight with the oppression almost 24 hours a week, we try hard to excel in our career, we struggle to find time for self-care, we run the household and etc. and etc. And now all of a sudden, we are expected to be responsible for inspiring men to become better human beings?

Hell no!

Don’t you think we need inspiring and lifting up as well?

So, then who will inspire us?

I don’t know if you know but we are flawed as well. We are doing our best to be better humans as well. And it is pretty damn hard if you ask me, but you know how we do it? By reflecting on ourselves. By not depending on anyone. By diving deep within. That’s where we search for our strength and willingness to be more and do more. Because that is something every human being is supposed to do in their life if they want to find true happiness.

We are busy, overwhelmed, exhausted, troubled and not so strong as some of you may sometimes think. So, taking responsibility for another grown human being is not on our priority list. And it will never be!

We don’t want to raise our partner. We want someone who would try hard to become a better person by learning from his own mistakes and going through things without our influence or our inspiration. If a woman is a kind, decent and admirable person that doesn’t mean that she should be a man’s main guidance in life. Being there for another person is one thing and being expected to always be there for someone because you are a woman is completely another.

Why is it that when a man is struggling with something, the woman who stays with him is considered loyal and loving, but when a woman is going through some stuff and the man leaves her, he then successfully dodged a bullet?

How come women supporting troubled men is a common thing, and men supporting troubled women is a rarity?

What about us? We fall apart just as you do. Sometimes it’s even more painful. And yet, we still manage to somehow suck it all up and find the strength within us to move on.

Stop holding us accountable for your personal growth. I know that this might come off as harsh and that some of you mean this in a good way, but please…I need you to stop it. This is really getting out of hand.

Instead of expecting a woman to fix you, try to fix yourself. Be better. Do better. Grow. Fall. Rise up. Learn from your mistakes. At your own pace. In your own time.

We are not responsible for your actions. Nor we’ll ever be.

We all want our romantic relationships to be strong, happy, meaningful, and long-lasting. We all want to find someone who will accept us and cherish us the way we are. Someone who will show us what true love feels like.  

So, the question is: What makes a good relationship?

The first thing that probably pops into your mind is love. Perhaps you’ve often been told, and perhaps you believe in that yourself, that love is the most important ingredient in a relationship. But, is this really so?

I’ve known a lot of couples that were deeply in love with each other and yet their relationships failed. I have been there myself as well.  I had to see my relationships fall apart in front of my eyes until I found the one that showed me what it’s like to be in a happy and meaningful relationship. I’ve realized that this kind of relationship requires much more than just love.

I’ve realized that a happy and meaningful relationship teaches you what behaviors strengthen a relationship and what behaviors ruin it. It makes you become more aware of your feelings, needs, wishes, desires, and expectations. It shows you how wonderful it is to be with that one person that makes you feel complete and whole.

And most importantly, it teaches you essential lessons about relationships, and in what follows, we’ve presented the 7 most valuable ones:

1. If someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, they’ll be with you. They’ll never allow anything and anyone to ruin your happiness, destroy your love, and tear you apart.  Moreover, they will let you know how important you are to them and make sure you always feel protected and safe.

2. If someone really cares about you, they’ll never put you in a position to question their feelings for you. They’ll never string you along or avoid committing to you by telling you lame excuses, such as “it’s not the right time” or  “I need to focus more on my career now.” Because it’s never the right time until it’s the right person.

3. You learn that kissing, cuddling, date nights, and romantic surprises are sweet but they’re not commitment. They’re not a willingness to endure the difficulties that appear in every relationship sooner or later.

4. You learn that every meaningful and successful relationship requires much more than just love. It requires hard work. It requires patience, understanding, compassion, respect, commitment, compromises, sacrifice. It requires work on yourself – to be willing to grow personally and become a better version of yourself.

5. When you truly love someone you accept them for who they are, with all of their faults, quirks, insecurities, and fears. Maybe their bad habit of leaving their personal stuff all over the place or talking loudly annoys you.

But these are things you don’t try to change because they’re a part of the person you love and they make them special. You learn to accept and cherish your loved one with all their imperfections.

6. Arguments don’t tear you apart  – they bring you closer. They strengthen and improve your relationship.

7. Last but not least, you learn that when you’re finally in a good relationship, you’re completely satisfied with your choice. You don’t look around to find someone better. You don’t look for your happiness in other men or women. You feel relieved and lucky to have found the one you’ve always wanted to be with.

I’m sure you’ll agree that when you first become friends with someone, you enjoy spending time together. You are kind to each other. And you respect each other’s opinions and feelings.

And before you know it, you begin teasing each other about everything. You feel so comfortable being around each other that you feel free to talk about anything.  Your conversations go from, “Wow, you look great!” to “What happened to your hair? Are you trying to scare everyone around you?”

The truth is that real friendships move from casual to close. Once you and a friend reach the phase where you easily cross each other’s boundaries, you can take this as a sign that your friend really is your BEST FRIEND.

Here are the 12 stages of friendship:

Stage 1: The nice phase.

During this phase, you’re nice and give compliments to each other as much as possible. You’re careful not to hurt their feelings and you watch your behavior. For example, if they ask you something like: “How do I look in these jeans?”, you think twice before you answer them.

Stage 2: I just met her/him. Am I going to look too clingy or desperate if I ask them to hang out 2 days in a row phase?

During this phase, you’re wondering whether you’re bothering them with your frequent phone calls and messages to hang out. You’re trying to find out if this makes you look clingy and weird.

Stage 3: The secret is out. I can finally be myself phase.

In this phase, you feel free to text your best friend 30 times in a row. Moreover, you no longer feel embarrassed to show that you can sometimes get cranky and clingy when your friend doesn’t respond to your calls or messages.

Stage 4: The ‘couple’ phase.

This phase involves that awkward moment when you and your best friend behave more like a couple than you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. It may look surprising, but you go on more dates with your best friend and you often find yourself having more fun with them than with your partner.

Stage 5: The honest, oh no wait, the blunt phase.

During this stage, you feel free to tell each other what you really mean and what you need to hear. There’s no beating around the bush or feeling uncomfortable telling your best friend what they probably don’t want to hear. If “Admit it-he/she’s not into you” sounds familiar to you, know you’re on the right track and moving towards…

Stage 6: Feeling comfortable showing your psycho side phase.

That’s it. You can fly off the handle in an instant without worrying this may scare your best friend and make them think “What’s wrong with her/him?” You can have mood swings, be happy and relaxed one moment and flip out the next, let’s say, for example, if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t answer your calls.

Stage 7: Feeling comfortable enough to get psycho at each other phase.

This is the stage when you don’t try to control your emotions anymore. You shout and yell at each other until you let all your anger out. You can even argue about the stupidest things. Yet, you can’t stay mad at each other for more than 3 hours because you have a lot of gossip to catch up on and there’s no a better person than your best friend you can share that with.

Stage 8: Getting comfortable planning hoe activities phase.

This is the stage when if you see your best friend drinking (more than they should), you simply don’t stop them – you join them. You’re best friends and you encourage each other’s hoe activities.

Stage 9: The private detective phase.

If you need to get some information about someone or something, you send your best friend to do some investigation. This stage involves spying for each other and finding out things which are usually private and supposed to be kept as a secret.

Stage 10: No convo is off limits phase.

In this stage, you feel free to show all your nasty habits. No more refraining – you’ve had it enough. You’re not ashamed to burp or fart in front of each other, or talk about going number one and especially, number two in the bathroom. You’re best friends and best friends talk about everything.

Stage 11: Showing your friend messages from the latest fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend phase.

You had a fight with your bae and if you still keep the texts in your phone, the next step is sending 20 screenshots of them to your best friend. You feel a lot easier and relieved when you share your love problems with them.

Stage 12: The typing up conversations for each other phase.

Okay, it’s official – there are no boundaries left. This is the phase when you type up your best friend’s arguments when she/he’s arguing with their partner. You know all their private problems and secrets, well, they’re actually no longer a secret.

This goes to you – the girl who loved someone more than she loved herself.

First of all, let me tell you that your heart is unique. Your soul is innocent and pure. And you have qualities that not many people possess.

You love in unique ways. You love honestly and deeply. You love wholeheartedly and unconditionally. You love hard. And for that, I salute you.

I salute you for believing him. I salute you for letting him be a part of your life although he never showed he deserved that. Thank you letter closings.

I salute you for letting him consume your time and energy although he didn’t give you anything in return.

I salute you for staying with him although he never made you his priority. Yeah, you were always his option. His favorite pastime. To him, you were nothing else, but a girlfriend of convenience.

I salute you for loving the guy who was fickle. The guy who could act he was interested in you one day and then be indifferent the other. And you deserved much more than his mixed feelings for you. You deserved to know where you stand in his life.

You were brave for putting up with someone who only called you when he needed someone to talk to or just have fun with. Someone who never bothered to ask you how your day went. Someone who never asked you how you felt or why you looked sad.

I salute you for forgiving him for all the bad things he did to you. For giving him thousands of chances although he deserved not even one.

I salute you for having the strength to heal your wounds when you were deeply hurt. For having the strength to smile when you were crying on the inside. I salute you for hiding your sorrow behind a strong, confident face.

I salute you for not losing hope that things would get better. That one day, he’ll realize how important and amazing you are. That he will see your kindness, unselfishness, and efforts. That he would change.

I salute you for loving someone who didn’t love you back. Someone who couldn’t or didn’t want to appreciate you.

I salute you for loving him enough to allow him to break your heart time and time again.

I salute you for always making him a part of your life although he never saw you as a part of his.

And maybe many will judge you for staying with such a guy and allowing him to treat you that way.  They’ll say you were naive and that you should have stood up for yourself. But, don’t let that upset you because they don’t love in the way you do.

They don’t understand that you aren’t afraid to get hurt. You wore your heart on your sleeve and allowed your love for him to break your heart in countless pieces. And yet, you were brave enough to pick them up all by yourself.

You believed that if he felt your true love, this would touch his heart and change him. You chose love over anything else. You were neglected and humiliated, but you still chose to love and never stopped looking for the good in him. You loved the wrong guy but you didn’t allow this to shatter your hope that true love exists.

And I salute you because no matter how many times people have criticized you for loving the wrong guy and your soul was wounded, you always choose LOVE.

Love over anything else. You always choose to love unselfishly, forgive, heal your wounds, overcome your pain, and move on.

You choose to love even when every single part of you is exhausted. And it takes a lot of courage for that.

That’s why I salute and admire you.

Love can be scary, hard, and painful. But, keep loving, Girl, because there’s nothing in the world that the intensity of your love cannot conquer. And I can only hope that one day you’ll find someone who will know how to love and appreciate you. Someone who will be grateful for having such an amazing person in his life – YOU.

You made a terrible mistake: You broke her heart into countless pieces and pushed her into the arms of another guy. You lost the woman who loved you from the bottom of her heart. The woman who wanted to make you the happiest man in the world.

You lost her and it is all your fault.

You lost her because you were never there when she needed someone to rely on. Because you were never there for her when she needed your help, advice, and support.

You lost her because you never gave her what she needed – a guy who would love her honestly and intensely. A guy who would fight for her happiness. A guy who would stick with her through thick and thin.

You pushed her into the arms of another man because you made her think that she was unworthy. That she didn’t deserve your love and attention.

You made her love another man because you always put her last on your list of priorities. Because you always had more important things to do and more interesting places to be at than spend time with her.

Because you always had time to spend the weekends with your friends, but were too busy to even go to the movies with her. You made her love another man because her feelings, needs, and desires didn’t matter to you.

You pushed her into the arms of another man when you failed to see the sparkle in her eyes when she looked at you and feel her heart beating like crazy at your touch.

You pushed her into the arms of another man because you made her cry countless times. Oftentimes, she cried lying next to you in bed at night, but you were too deaf to hear her sobs. You were too blind to see her pain and too insensitive to feel the wounds you engraved in her soul.

You pushed her into the arms of another man because you took her for granted.

You promised that you’d always love her and be there for her. You promised that she’d never miss anything because she had you and you were going to give her the world. Yeah, you created a nice fairytale, I give you that.

But, soon that fairytale turned into her greatest nightmare. She saw you weren’t the person she thought you were. You weren’t a kind, helping, and loving man, but a selfish, flaky, unsupportive, and cruel one. Instead of loving her the most, like you swore, you showed that the only person you were capable of loving was yourself.

Yes, you didn’t pay attention to her. You made her feel invisible. She felt your indifference like a razor cutting through her heart.

You kept her around because you needed someone who would make you feel good about yourself and boost your ego. You never said that aloud, but deep down, you always knew she was way better than you. She was everything you’ve always wanted to be but never was.

You kept her in your life because you needed to have some fun. Because you weren’t the type of man who would be in a serious relationship. It was all about fun, wasn’t it?

And that was what hurt her the most. She was serious about you. She loved you dearly and you meant the world to her. She wasn’t afraid to give you all of herself and she was ready to do anything to make you happy.

How could you not appreciate this? How could you think she was good enough for you only when she killed your boredom and offered you fun? How could you treat her as just one more option in the sea of options you had in front of you? How could you not realize her worth?

And that-that was your biggest mistake. You took her for granted. You thought she’d always be there, waiting for you to come and receive you with her arms open, no matter how many times you lied to and hurt her.

You thought that you could keep her like a helpless bird in a cage and feed her hopes and love for you with lies, grandiose promises, and sweet words. You thought you could clip her wings so as to prevent her from leaving you and flying into the arms of another man.

You thought that she’d always stay by your side. But, you were so wrong.

You got so used to her pleasing you and playing by your rules that you forgot how strong she was. Because the truth is, love can make you blind to the harsh truth that’s staring right at your eyes. The truth that the person you love the most doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Love can make you naïve and act like a fool and take away your ability to think logically, but it can never take your strength away.

And this woman was strong. Your lies, indifference, and all the pain you put her through couldn’t break her-they only made her stronger.

I’m sorry, my friend, but this woman gave you a thousand chances and you blew them all. You failed to make happy the woman who had a heart of gold and truly loved you. She realized you’d never change and be the man you pretended to be when you first met.

She realized it was time for her to stop fighting for you and start fighting for herself. For her happiness. For her opportunity to feel fulfilled and alive again.

She realized you belonged in her past. And no, she’s not mad at you. After all you taught her a valuable lesson. You taught her how to love and appreciate herself more.

Sorry, but this is your loss and it all your fault. You pushed her into the arms of another man – a man that knows how to protect, cherish, and love her. A man who didn’t have to lose her first so as to realize her worth.

When you see a smart, confident, and attractive woman, the first thing that probably pops into your head is that she has a successful career, wonderful friends, a good financial standing, and an amazing dating life. Well, you are right, except for the last thing.

Believe it or not, strong, confident, and fearless alpha ladies suck at dating. They’re irresistible and easy to fall in love with and yet they have trouble finding “The One.”

Are you wondering why this is so?

Here are 7 reasons why alpha women have the worst dating lives:

1. They appear intimidating

Most men feel intimidated by intelligent and successful women. Women who are independent, capable, and know what they want in life. Women who are able to pursue their goals without depending on anyone’s help.

Men avoid dating such women because they feel emasculated and unable to control them. They’d rather be with a woman they feel they have more power over and who would boost their ego.

2. They have big goals and dreams.

Finding love is not their top priority. These incredible women have clear, big goals and dreams and they work hard to fulfill them. When a determined, motivated, driven woman enters a relationship with someone, it doesn’t mean she’ll give up on her ambitions and drop everything and just be with her partner.

This kind of woman has many goals and dreams to achieve in life and she’ll never sacrifice them for anyone. This woman wants to be with a man who will give her space and time and support her as well to pursue her goals.

3. They call guys out on their bullshit.

These women know their worth and they’ll never allow anyone to disrespect and fool them. If they sense their man is playing games with them, let alone trying to lie to them, they won’t think twice before they call them out on their BS. These smart, independent women are not afraid to stand up for themselves.

With them, it’s always clear – if their guy screws up, he’s out of the game for good. Period.

4. They’re picky because they’re aware of their worth.

These ladies are not desperate to find a man and they’ll never be in a relationship just for the sake of it. They know what qualities they want in a man and they’ll never settle for anyone that is not worthy of their love and attention.

They want a man who is honest, loyal, committed, independent, supportive, and loving. So, if a guy doesn’t match these criteria, I’m sorry, but he doesn’t stand a chance.

5. They say what they mean.

These women are not afraid to speak their mind. If they’re not interested in someone, they’ll tell them. If they’re already in a relationship and their partner did something they don’t approve of, you can bet they won’t keep their mouth shut.

These women don’t beat about the bush or mince words when they disagree with or want to oppose someone. Instead, they’re always straightforward and direct, which is often overwhelming to guys who are not used to this kind of behavior.

6. They are mature.

The more experience they gain, the wiser they get. They are in control over their lives and they make sure they act thoughtfully. They think carefully before they make important decisions, be that in their career or personal life.

They’re determined and have a strong attitude. They know what’s morally right and what’s wrong. They act in accordance with their beliefs and principles and don’t allow anyone to make them act otherwise.

These women don’t base their worth on other people’s opinions of them. They don’t need guys to give them compliments so as to feel important and desirable.

7. They love the hardest.

Maybe it’s not easy for them to fall in love, but once they do, they love the hardest. They give their guy all the love they have to give and fully invest themselves in the relationship. They’re the most loyal and supportive partners. They’re willing to do everything for their man and expect the same in return.

Unfortunately, not many men can handle this intense, deep, raw kind of love.

Congratulations, you lost a girl who loved you from the bottom of her heart. A girl who loved you selflessly and unconditionally. A girl whom you meant the world to.

How could you allow yourself to lose a girl to whom your happiness mattered more than hers? A girl that was willing to walk through fire to be with you?

This girl only needed one reason to stay. She just needed to know that you felt about her the way she felt about you. She needed to know that she was important to you. She needed to know that she occupied a special place in your heart. She needed to know that you believed you two were meant for each other, just like she did.

You were everything she ever wanted.

She wanted to be a part of your life. She didn’t care about your past or your flaws and failures because she always looked for the good in you.

She wanted to be there for you when times got tough. She wanted to support and lift you up when you were at your lowest. She wanted to make you happy and proud of her. She planned her future with you.

She just wanted to freely love you and be loved by you.

All you had to do was treat her right.

She never asked for something that you couldn’t give her. She never forced you to be someone you were not.

The only thing she needed from you was to love her. You needed to respect and treat her the way she deserved. You needed to show her that she was your greatest priority. Your best choice.

You needed to show her that you cared about how she felt. You needed to let her know that she could always count on you for your help and support. That you’d never leave her deal with her problems alone.

You just needed to show her that she mattered to you and put the smallest amount of effort to make her stay.

Did she ask for too much? No, I don’t think so.

She deserved all this and much more. Because she sincerely and unselfishly loved you. Because she treated you with kindness, respect, and compassion. Because making you feel happy and fulfilled became her main goal.

Because she is like a rarest jewel on the bottom of the ocean that only a few are lucky enough to find it. And you were one of them. Yet, you failed to see the beauty of it.

Because she is ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ girl.

You never made her your choice. She was always one of your options.

You were everything to her. You were her greatest priority, her love, her hope, her best choice.

To you, she was just one of the many options you kept open. You always kept looking around for other possibilities. You believed you deserved better.

The only time she was good enough for you was when she boosted your ego. When she made you feel smart, attractive, important. When she played the role – girlfriend of convenience.

You failed to realize that the best thing that could ever happen to you was right there – right next to you.

How could you possibly think that you could find someone better than her, than the ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ girl?

You didn’t value her.

You didn’t appreciate her fight for you.You didn’t value her efforts to make you happy. You expected her to love you unconditionally while you didn’t give her anything in return. You took her for granted. You thought no matter what you said or did, she’d always stay by your side. But, you were wrong. So wrong.

She got tired of fighting for someone who didn’t care about losing her.

She got tired of fighting for someone who gave up on her long time ago. Someone who didn’t deserve her attention and love. Someone who didn’t know how or didn’t want to appreciate her.

She got tired of being hurt by the man who was supposed to love her. She got tired of healing her wounds every time you made her feel unworthy. She got tired of enduring your indifference which felt like a razor knife cutting her heart open.

She let you into her life and you destroyed her.

She wanted to stay but you made her go.

You played hot and cold. You showered her with kindness, warmth, and love one moment and froze her out and left her wondering what happened the next.

Did she do anything wrong? Did you lose interest in her? Did you ever really love her?

You made her question her own logic and sanity. You left her wondering if all that was only in her head. You left her no other choice but to think that all those “kind and romantic” acts you did for her were nothing else but an act.

Congratulations, you lost a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ girl!

You lost a girl who loved you unconditionally. A girl who was not afraid of letting her love for you destroy her.

You lost a girl who would’ve made you the happiest person in the world if you had just let her.

You lost your biggest support, your best friend. Your missing half.

You lost a girl that any other man would be the happiest to have. A girl you’ll never ever find again.

You lost her when you showed you couldn’t care less about her. When you put the blame on her for all your misfortunes. When you made her feel guilty of things that were never her fault. When you didn’t pay attention to her. When you made her feel invisible like a ghost.

But, wait! After all, there is one good thing you did for her. You let her go and now she feels free. Now, she’s herself again. Now, she can find someone who will be able to realize her worth the moment he meets her, not only after losing her. And for that – congratulations!